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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

194 replies

frogspoon · 17/02/2013 09:12

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 18/02/2013 19:16

I don't understand why anyone thinks it is rude to keep your coat on either. Isn't it more rude to expect your guests to be uncomfortably cold and shiver because you can't afford to turn up the heating or don't want to turn up the heating?

LondonNinja · 18/02/2013 19:19

Agree - strikes me as weird for a host to be offended by someone trying to keep warm by wearing a coat. I avoid visiting pro

LondonNinja · 18/02/2013 19:21

Argh.
I avoid visiting people who always have cold houses. I simply don't feel comfortable and would prefer a cosy pub or cafe...

LookatMeeeeeee · 18/02/2013 19:44

I think people get used to whatever temperature their house is (unless it is absolutely freezing).
So it probably doesn't occur to these people you are visiting to turn the heating on or up - any more than you might think of turning yours down when people visit you, for your guests' comfort Grin.

Our house is about 18 degrees, that's normal for me and if it gets hotter then I have to open a window. I now know which of my friends have abnormally hot houses, and I make sure I wear thin clothing when I visit them, otherwise I am sweating and gasping and feeling nauseous the whole time. It's just what you get used to imo.

If a guest said to me that they were cold, I would turn up the heating, shut the windows, give them a blanket and a hot drink, but if they didn't say anything then I would assume they felt comfortable enough.

I would try and add more layers rather than a coat if I were you - have you tried long socks, wrist warmers (or cuffs that are too long), polo neck tops as a base layer? And ask them to turn up the heating.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 18/02/2013 20:10

Oh no, I asked a friend to turn up the heating at Christmas! It was icy and DD was 10 months and another friend was bringing her 6 week old baby. Is it impolite to ask when it's for very little babies?

ChoudeBruxelles · 18/02/2013 20:12

Layers. I have a friend whose house is always cold. I put a vest on, long sleeve top and a warm jumper and tights under jeans. She sits there in a tshirt. I wouldn't leave my coat on or ask her to turn the heating up.

DoctorAnge · 18/02/2013 21:01

Jees some of you are really bloody inhospitable!

So rude not to make your house comfortable and warm for a guest, if someone kept their coat on in my house I would say sorry are you cold let me pop the heating or offer you a warm drink and make you comfortable and relaxed.

How tight is that not to pop it on for a few hours it's hardly going to break your bill Hmm

SquinkiesRule · 18/02/2013 21:54

My Dh has the same problem, he is cold to the touch always, he'd set the thermostat at about 26 or 27 if he could and he's still be dressed up warm.
His thyroid was checked just last month and is just fine and he's not anaemic. He's not too slim, quite normal just cold all the time. I've been goggling and read something about Cayenne pepper capsules, and need to look out for them, it said they are sometimes also used to help in weight loss, which he doesn't need, but If they work to make him feel warmer I'm sure he won't mind eating more calories.

fallon8 · 18/02/2013 21:57

Do you get asked to other people's often? Or do they only ask you once...yes it is rude..

NotGoodNotBad · 18/02/2013 22:08

No point in asking me to turn my heating up - house is old and draughty with high ceilings. On cold days it's just cold indoors and never really reaches the thermostat temperature. And if I can turn it up the house gets warmer by about 1 degree an hour. I'd tell you to bring more clothes!

garlicbreeze · 18/02/2013 22:16

How tight is that not to pop it on for a few hours it's hardly going to break your bill

That was quite an ignorant remark. Because I prioritise heating, I have to halve my food expenditure when I know the weather's going to be cold - even so, I can't heat my home to a comfortable (for me) level. At this time of year, a few hours at 24° instead of 16° means leaving it off for the whole of the next day or I'll risk running out of all fuel before I can top up.

DoctorAnge · 18/02/2013 22:18

Of course I get asked to people's houses if that was to me Confused in fact I was at my friends all day today. Warm and toasty and offered hot tea and food at intervals. It's called looking after your guests and being mindful of their needs. Who would have people over in February and not have the house warm?

If I were shivering at someone's house I wouldn't bother to ask to turn the hearing on I would just make excuses and go as soon as possible.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 18/02/2013 22:19

If you always feel the cold, it is your responsibility to wear plenty of layers. Rude to keep your coat on.

Some houses are cold, even with the heating on. I'm sitting in cashmere jumper and cashmere socks here, the heating is on full but it's still not warm warm. Tis a Victorian house.

garlicbreeze · 18/02/2013 22:25

Nice stealth boast there!
I am assured that my socks & jumper came from free-range acrylics Wink

stealthsquiggle · 18/02/2013 22:26

Well my chilly friend gets parked in front of the fire - and has even slept there on occasion. She brings slippers to our house because compared to her underfloor heating (which she plumbed herself) our floors are freezing. There is no way I could heat the whole house to her comfort level, but I can light fires to get a room or two baking hot warm for her.

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 18/02/2013 22:33

I'd make my excuses and try to leave a chilly house as soon as possible - I hate being cold. Once stayed with friends in the north of Scotland - in August! - and it was absolutely freezing. We had loads of clothes and put them all on at once, but still cold. They didn't put heating on, because it was August! I know it was kind of them to invite us, but I wouldn't stay there again - would prefer to be somewhere where I can control the temperature indoors. I think it's a bit mean to disregard whether your guests are comfortable.

HeyToodles · 18/02/2013 22:45

Slightly off topic, but I once went to view a house to rent in the middle of winter.

The house was freezing cold and the whole family had their winter coats on, apart from a poor baby who was swinging in a bouncer in a draughty doorway with just a babygrow on!

Poor baby wanted to snuggle him in my own winter coat, made a point of asking to be shown the heating system as the house felt cold. (probably hated me)

Bunbaker · 18/02/2013 22:47

"Rude to keep your coat on."

NO IT ISN'T. I don't think you understand what it is like to feel so cold that you cannot function properly.

It is rude to keep your house so cold that guests need to keep their coats on.

deste · 18/02/2013 22:52

Op I was like you until two years ago. If my house was at 18 I was absolutely frozen. Now if its 18 I actually feel warm. I was on medication and stopped it two years ago. I could never even consider going out with a short sleeved top, even in summer. The only problem now is that I am too hot in bed. I have a six tog quilt and even that can be too much. I have been known to be freezing in Majorca in July. Friends used to laugh until they felt my hands.

deste · 18/02/2013 22:53

I found that being cold was painfull.

memphis83 · 18/02/2013 23:01

My mil won't put heating on as it makes her chest bad. She has a digital thermometer and the other day it was 9 degrees. I used to sit in my coat but now ds doesn't shut up about 'coat off mummy' until I do. I wear thermals and bed socks to visit.
What makes it worse is the fire is one that you can turn on the flame for decoration and I always stand in front of it hoping its actually on!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 18/02/2013 23:19

If guests need to keep their coat on because they are insufficiently dressed underneath, that's a different issue than people having health issues which mean they can't help feeling cold.

Surely if you know you're going to a colder house (how can it be rude to have an old house that doesn't get hot in the way a new one might btw), you put more clothes on?

Original poster
frogspoon · 18/02/2013 23:33

I do wish people would read the full thread (or at least the first page) before commenting that I should be wearing more clothes. I have already made it quite clear that I am wearing plenty.

OP posts:
KitchenandJumble · 19/02/2013 02:17

But if you're still cold, then maybe you do need more layers?

Bunbaker · 19/02/2013 06:30

I agree frogspoon. Some people just don't get it. I always wear more layers when I visit my sister, but when the ambient temperature is that cold I can't get warm no matter how many layers I am wearing.

Not everyonw who feels the cold easily insists on wearing summer clothes all year and having the heating on at full blast.

They just don't understand the sheer physical discomfort of feeling so cold that it makes you feel so utterly miserable.

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