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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

194 replies

frogspoon · 17/02/2013 09:12

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

OP posts:
pluCaChange · 17/02/2013 10:56

My ILs consider us Arctic dwellers, and having read this thread, I'm really ashamed I hadn't thought of thyroid issues , which I think MIL has. Must do better! Perhaps in our next house, though, this rental is thermally crap (as they all seem to be...).

Branleuse · 17/02/2013 10:56

i went to my friends last week and she told me to wrap up because her house was freezing. So i did. Thermals, insulated walking boots and scarf. She had a blanket round her

BrianButterfield · 17/02/2013 10:57

Sometimes there isn't much you can do about someone feling cold - we have a big old house and although we're not stingy with central heating (on a thermostat, not a timer so it comes on when needed) and have an open fire in one room and an electric fire in another, have still had people make little comments about being cold. We have a thermometer so its probably about 20/21 degrees when they say this. Honestly there's nothing more I can do about it really - it's the nature of the house and also that they live in smaller, more modern houses and have their heating cranked right up to a degree we find uncomfortable so they're never used to anything less than sweltering temps.

If someone was cold they'd have to grab a blanket or put their coat on because short of setting fire to the house if they're still cold with CH+fire on there's nothing I can do about it!

fluckered · 17/02/2013 11:01

i think bottom line you just need to say it ... something along the lines of "hope you dont think i am rude am just very prone to the cold" and perhaps joke about the layers you are wearing. then you have said it, wont feel awkward about it and your host wont feel awful and not hospitable. then hopefully next time she may have a heater or few blankets for you on next visit. just say it than sitting there cold and miserable and your host possibly think your odd/ignorant.

KnockMeDown · 17/02/2013 11:03

Hi - I haven't experienced this, but 2 suggestions which may be useful:-

  1. Instead of a coat, how about one of those long, lined thick cardi-jumpers. This will act like a coat, but not look like one?
  1. If it is friends whom you are visiting, then surely they will know you, and your keeping-warm difficulties, so surely they will not be offended by your wearing a coat?
Flobbadobs · 17/02/2013 11:06

I would prefer to be asked. We have our heating set fairly low but we're so used to it we wouldn't realise that it felt cold to any visitors unless they mention it. Ask ncely and I'm sure they will stick the heating back on for an hour.

Flossyfloof · 17/02/2013 11:06

I am always cold, too; I keep my house lovely and warm. I visited a friend recently, although we have been close for a while as I live near work she has always been to my house. I took my shoes off and my feet were really cold, she has ceramic tiles in a lot of the house. I didn't want to say anything on my first visit. Next time I would take my slippers or thick socks or ask if I could borrow some slippers. I did grab a blanket in the end and put it over my feet. I know I am always cold so I was a bit irritated that I didn't bring socks and she is so lovely I didn't want to say anything. If the house had been bitterly cold I might have commented but it wasn't that - it was me.

Piecesofmyheart · 17/02/2013 11:06

How do you manage when you go.out for a walk? Or go swimming etc? You sound like a friend of mine who keeps her heating on all the time, never opens her windows, eats crap, is constantly cold and tired and never stops reminding people how cold and tired she is Wink
My hands and feet are constantly cold. I used to live in a constantly over heated house. Then circumstances changed, I can't afford constant central heating, I DO wear extra layers but I'm still alive, generally healthier and have more energy.

Viviennemary · 17/02/2013 11:12

I feel the cold too. And am often cold in other people's houses. But I don't wear my coat or say anything unless they ask if I'm cold and I might say a little even if icicles are forming.

Purplefurrydice · 17/02/2013 11:21

I always feel the cold and I normally wear a coat in most people's houses (although I do have many scarfs and I try to make do with wearing one and not a coat). They normally notice and ask me if I am cold and want the heating on. I simply respond that I am an abnormally cold person and there is no need to put the heating on just for me as the house is a normal temperature.

bebanjo · 17/02/2013 11:43

if i had a friend that felt the cold and i knew they were coming round i would make a fire. if these people are your friends tell them and see what they say, they may bring a quilt down for you, get you a hot water bottle, make you some soup.
if you had taken the time to visit me i would not be offended.

Tasmania · 17/02/2013 11:47

Do you take tablets like Siberian Ginseng? Good at helping your body keep warm...

MrsDeVere · 17/02/2013 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker · 17/02/2013 11:53

"Why is it rude to keep your coat on if you are cold in someone else's house? I always keep my coat on if I am cold. My host would rather I feel comfortable than be freezing and bad company."

I agree. Doesn't it look worse to see someone visibly shivering with cold and looking utterly miserable?

I like to make any visitor to my house welcome and if the heating is too high or too low I adjust accordingly. It is called being a good host and it is good manners.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 17/02/2013 11:55

We can't afford to have heating on, I wear a coat in my own house a lot of the time as its freezing. Electric heaters cost a fortune to run so I can't use them either.

Id be mortified if someone asked me to turn the heating on, we're on our last dregs of oil atm with no money for more so I'd have to say no.

Leggings under jeans are great for keeping warm, and layers of tops.

If people complained I'd point out that we're hardly living like this for fun and they're under no obligation to stay.

Bunbaker · 17/02/2013 12:03

Convector heaters don't cost a lot to run as they are thermostatically controlled. When we lived in a house with no central heating they were a godsend.

starshaker · 17/02/2013 12:11

My friend had a very cold house for a while and what i did was gave her a fiver before we came so she could whack the heating right up so it was nice and warm for the babies. I never expected her to pay for heating her house just because we were visiting.

MidniteScribbler · 17/02/2013 12:13

I'm the opposite, I am always feeling too hot. Even in the middle of winter I'll be wearing a t-shirt around the house and bare feet. If someone came to my house and complained about the cold, I would turn up the heating, but I would inwardly sulk and sit there sweltering praying that you would go home so I can turn it off again. I wouldn't care if you sat there in a coat, but then don't have the "coat means you want to leave" mentality.

People can always add more layers, but there's only so many you can take off before people start complaining about it!

WeAreEternal · 17/02/2013 12:23

Are you my SIL OP?

She is petite and thin and feels the cold. She regularly keeps her coat on at our house (and others).

Personally I find it quite rude, if she was just to say "I'm cold can you turn the heating up" I wouldn't mind in the slightest, but I find keeping your coat on rude.

forevergreek · 17/02/2013 12:45

if i didnt have any heating though, i would def have some blankets/slippers out for guests and just say help yourself. you dont have to turn the heating up if you cant afford it, but surely offering a £1.99 fleece from ikea and a cup of tea is more hospitable. most people with a cold house must know its cold

TomDudgeon · 17/02/2013 12:51

I can get either extremely too hot or extremely too cold. I even suffer pyrexia in labour. Too hot and I've been known to black out, can't go clubbing for example
But I see it as my problem and I work to control it. My own house is either too hot or too cold for me. The hearings is either on or off. Dh likes it too hot, I tend to leave the heating off as I can put layers on and it saves money we really don't have
Just as I cope in my own home I cope in other people's homes. I would never consider being rude to them

LunaticFringe · 17/02/2013 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 17/02/2013 12:54

It's not rude to keep your coat on. I would if I was cold. I would also turn the heating up for a cold visitor. I wouldn't want them to sit there in the freezing cold just to be polite.

spanky2 · 17/02/2013 13:04

My friend has a cold house so I wear my thermal long johns and 3 jumpers . I don't say anything .

spanky2 · 17/02/2013 13:05

I think you must have some circulation issues .

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