To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

[frogspoon]

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

"but I find keeping your coat on rude."

Oh no it isn't. Asking people to turn the heating up is. Why do you find it so difficult to understand that some people just feel the cold more?

If someone wanted to wear a coat in my house I wouldn't mind. Honestly why are people so snobby about this stuff?

I think you must be me OP. I haven't been to the doctors this winter but I've been nearly every year for the past 10 or so, normally because it becomes so unbearable. There is apparently nothing wrong with me (yes I've seen more than 1 doctor) its just I'm little and thin and seem to really feel the cold.

Our house is at a steady 23. In the evenings I sit with our fire on and blankets. I'm constantly drinking hot drinks, always wear warm clothes and socks and then I can find some comfort. I can normally cope with houses down to about 20 for short periods because I wrap up for going to other peoples homes. However when I've been to colder homes I find it unbearable. Someone mentioned this but it seems to set off IBS in me, I can't breathe, I lose all my personality and all I can only think how cold I am so I just go home asap.

I now keep blankets, an extra jumper, thick socks, and various other winter bits in the car and if suffering I'll wear them in other peoples homes. I will also wear my coat, I know it doesn't look great but I explain I'm a sort of freak who feels the cold when in the caribbean.

Also someone said what do we do when we go out, well I look like the Michelin man. So many layers under a full length down coat, hat, massive scarf and gloves in down mittens. I do go running but even then I wrap up super warm.

It is rude to ask to put the heating on, but it is even more rude to let a visitor visibly freeze in your home - it is NOT hospitable.

I was brought up to make visitors feel comfortable in my home. If they feel comfortable wearing their coat then I wouldn't question it.

I have Raynauds and get cold, my husband is literally a hardy Viking. We have lots of lovely blankets and this winter have turned the heat up to 18degrees which is a bit hot for him as we have a baby who feels the cold like me.

"I was brought up to make visitors feel comfortable in my home. If they feel comfortable wearing their coat then I wouldn't question it."

The voice of common sense.

Thank goodness someone's said that, Bun! (Haven't read full thread; seemed pointless.) I'm a 'cold' person and my house is cold due to budget. I sit next to an electric radiator. I would expect a visitor to tell me when they're cold, then I can provide additional warmth. And if I couldn't afford to, of course they can keep their coat on and I'll supply hot drinks (or a hot water bottle!) for their chilly hands :)

Some people are ridiculously unyielding. I don't want to visit them

Had many people come to my last house that stayed in their coats I used to warn them that I couldnt afford to put heating on. You got lots of brews though. One person thought I was joking and couldnt understand why I wouldnt put heating when she saw her breathe. My dc at were happy to watch tv or play on computer while sat on sofa with a large duvet over them. This women thought I was being cruel and said so I never invited her back.

Where I live now dp and me rarley have the heating in if friends pop in on a whim they bring they jumpers etc if we know they are comming I pop heating on for a bit.

I wouldnt think you were rude if you kept your coat on.

I feel the cold much more than I suffer from heat but you seem to be wearing an exceptional number of layers already, OP so suggesting another jumper isn't going to help. With me, it is extremities that get cold and I'm a great fan of fingerless thermal gloves and at least a couple of pairs of warm socks with boots.

I've just spent the last week without central heating and it was no joke. However, I do have an open fire and when friends visited I warned them it was going to be bloody cold. They wrapped up accordingly.

As to whether it is rude to ask people to turn up the heating, I guess it depends on your friends. I've a friend who really doesn't notice how cold her house is (and has no problem with the cost of heating) and she has no problem with me commenting on how arctic it is. But I think that generally it is rude to assume that friends will turn up their heating for your benefit. Equally, you'd hope they were hospitable enough to notice your discomfort and do something though!

My house is freezing. It is very old, very big, and poorly served by radiators. It is not possible for us to heat some areas very well, and when guests ask us not to light the wood burners (some do for whatever reason) the reality is they are going to be cold. I am not offended if they wear coats. I am if they complain constantly, and fuss about the level the thermostat is set. This is how I live every day, and I cope, so dealing with it for one evening shouldn't be a huge drama.

I sit in other people's stuffy over heated houses with a whopping headache and don't say a word (even though I'm itching to open a window and air the place). It's good manners.

My DP's parent's house is b big old house and I am like you OP, small and often cold generally but I literally sit with my teeth chattering when we go to visit them, so. I wear layers and keep my coat on too, and down mugs and mugs of tea. They don't seem to be offended, but I don't really have much choice if they are, other than not go at all, which I'm sure would offend them more! I know their heating bill is £800 a quarter so they do try and heat it, it's just a big old Scottish house.

Once we were all sitting in the living room together and the fire was on, it actually got quite cosy after an hour or so, so I took off my coat, then they all cheered! It was in a "we finally managed it" kind of way!

Op. I think you will realise by now that whatever you do your going to offend some body

I lived in the woods in the Scottish winter by wearing
Thermal bottoms
Thin jogging bottoms
Jeans
2 pairs socks, one cotton with jb's tucked in, one wool
Vest top
Dress ( to cover lower back)
Thin long sleeve
Thin short sleeve
A snugish fleece
2 decent jumpers
Scarf
Hat
Fingerless gloves

Experiment with layering, remember lots of thin layers are more effective than a couple of thick ones.

If your cold and self conscious ask for tea

For all the people who feel they have to live in cold houses because they actually can't afford to hear them

Some of you really need to take on board that not everyone can just crank it up. Remember to appreciate it!

there is a lad that comes visiting dp and would stay for hours ... takes him an hour before he finally sits down standing at the presses and talking. makes me very uncomfortable and i think "what d fuck is wrong with ye". also refuses tea/coffee until he eventally has one and then will drink 5 before going home hours later. weirdo!

Buy a duck down gilet (make sure the feathers are ethically sourced). It is like wearing a duvet and has improved my life considerably.

Wear lots of layers, knee socks under trousers, thermal lined leather gloves and always carry a flask with hot drinks in it when you are out and about.

Our heating is on and I'm under a duvet in bed, reading. I'll be adding more layers before I venture downstairs for a hot drink soon.

I used to suffer from the cold all the time and would have blocks of ice for hands and feet. But since I've put on some weight, it's not been a problem. The worst thing was always having a freezing bottom!

It's bloody horrible feeling cold all the time.

Our thermostat is set to 17, if we are cold we turn it up to 18. I'd be a bit surprised if a guest felt that was cold (I grew up in a seriously cold house with no central heating). Not sure I'd care too much if a guest kept their coat on if they told me it was because they suffered from the cold. I'd probably light a fire for them.

To me other people's houses are often hot and airless, which is OK so long as I don't have to sleep there, and then it becomes a real problem.

Simples> turn up with a hot water bottle ! i am like (apparently) always cold ,peeps do say "its freezing in here" (where i am ) thing is , i don"t think so, but any increase in temp. has me near passing out.we are all so different.

To the person who suggested it might be due to eating cr@p etc, I posted earlier saying I was always cold, like the OP and I find that quite offensive. I eat very well. I exercise a fair bit (run, gym, etc) and walk a couple of miles most days. I don't smoke. I drink a couple of glasses of wine a week. I have a stable, healthy BMI (21-22) It is just the way I'm built. I was fine as a child. My mum is fine now post-menopause, and I hope I will be too. It's somehow linked to puberty/menopause. There is nothing I have discovered that I can do now to improve things.

BTW, I'm equally uncomfortable in very hot places like Egypt. I sweat like a pig, despite being reasonably slim. I need to drink about 3 times as much as my husband to stay hydrated. My body is just not at all good at regulating my temperature.

I was told by a dietician that my diet is too healthy (inflaming my IBS). So, no crap here. Although my BMI is 18 which certainly doesn't help me keep warm.

I need to move to the Australian Outback to keep warm and hope none of my neighbours have air con. Few things make my heart sink as much as air con.

As another wise poster said recently on this subject (can't quite remember the precise words) 'you can't warm an ice cube up by putting a jumper on it'.

It is a mystery, though, EuroShag. I used to be the opposite, I was always too warm. I wore shorts outside when there was snow on the ground.

After pregnancy with DS2 I changed into an always cold person. Nothing else has changed for me among the suggestions here. Being too-cold is more convenient, by the way, much better wardrobe choices I think.

Roll on menopause & hot flashes, I think I'm going to enjoy them :).

I am always too warm as well - my PIL's place is torture, sooo hot. But when they visit us I turn up the heating for them - so I do sort of think, why can't they turn theirs down for me....? I would keep my coat on tbh. Then your host isn't suffering instead. Although ducks as people throw stuff regular exercise does help keep you warmer....

If anyone knows of a free warm mutual meeting place where you can chat for a couple of hours I'd like to hear it

Library? Museum/gallery? Lots of them have areas to sit in.

If your friend is a close friend, why not just explain and ask for a blanket/fleece/hot water bottle? Anything is better than a coat which looks rude and generally feels uncomfy because of the bulk.

Never would have guessed that keeping your coat on is considered rude! I'm always cold and tend to pile layers and layers of fleeces on until I look like a millets advert. I do know one person whose house is always freezing when I visit, to the point where I add several extra layers when I go there. At one point during the deep snow she asked me "Do you never take your coat off?". Nope.

Actually, I frequently forget to take my coat off at home too. I must be the height of rudeness!