To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

[frogspoon]

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

TooMuchRain: Last time I had a chat with a friend in the library, the librarian started glaring at me. Museum not such a bad idea though.

A lot of people have mentioned that a healthy lifestyle (diet and exercise) will help. I already eat a fairly healthy diet, although I also have IBS, so I don't eat too many foods that are high in fibre as they make me ill (lots of cold people here with IBS, maybe they are linked?). I doubt that eating even more healthily would help as I am slim (BMI 20-21) and lack fat insulation as it is. It would be interesting to know if the very hot people on here have higher BMIs and therefore more fat insulation which keeps in the heat so they don't get cold.

With regards to exercise, I have always hated it since I was a child, and the main reason for this was that I hated going out in the cold! I have unpleasant memories of wearing 2 pairs of gloves for P.E., yet having hands so cold I was unable to undo the button on my netball skirt. I am aware that being more active improves circulation, which may help, but currently I cannot afford to join a gym so the only option is outdoor walking etc, which I cannot tolerate due to the cold.

you could always do what my grandma used to do , and go for a few laps round the nearest shopping mall. This was her winter exercise as there was no chance of slipping on ice.

getting moving should warm you up. You do sound most unusual..

most people who keep their houses at a 'normal' temperature (too cold for you for whatever reason) will be uncomfortable heating it to your level. Add some extra jumpers or just explain you have a health problem and keep your coat on.

Never have stat above 16C and when twins were small MiL offered me 50p to light the fire!!!!

frogspoon BMI 20-21 really isn't that low and I think your repeated suggestion question that "the very hot people on here have higher BMIs and therefore more fat insulation" is bordering on offensive.

Before I had my daughter I had a BMI around 17, sometimes lower, sometimes a little higher. I got colder than I do now but not that much, and certainly never considered asking someone to turn up their heating and make themselves uncomfortable. And I was a hell of a lot thinner then than you are now.

eccentrica: It was merely a suggestion that there could be a possible link between BMI and tolerance to cold, and not intended to be offensive. However I feel you are nitpicking regarding how thin or not thin I am. A normal healthy BMI should be between 18.5-25. Therefore a BMI of 20-21 is in the lower half of that range, which is why I described myself as "quite thin", "slim", and "lower end of normal".

Over 60% of the UK adult population is currently overweight (a BMI of over 25), so a BMI of 20-21 is certainly below average. Your previous BMI of 17 would be underweight, and not within the healthy range.

I doubt that my slim but healthy frame is the cause of my intolerance to the cold, although I expect that as fat is an insulator gaining half a stone would probably help a little.

Frogspoon I get around this by buying the hand warmers (sometimes feet warmers) in ski shops and putting them in my trouser pockets ( and shoes). Dd 8 has really bad Raynauds is on nifedipine and this is how I get her through a school day. Costs a lot for Dd 10 quid a week as they are about £1 each but affordable if you don't go visiting very often.

I have a friend who keeps her coat on when she comes over. I asked her the first couple of times if she was cold and did she want me to put the fire on (gas fire, heats the room very quickly) and she said no she was fine and often just kept her coat on.

I didn't think it was rude, just worried that she was unconfortable. I don't ask anymore.

I've been thin, fat, active, inert, healthy, sick, fit and flabby. I am always 'colder' than the average Brit. I used to run around in titchy clothes on midwinter nights, but that's because I was a misguided fashion victim! I was still (fashionably) cold until I got drunk; alcohol lowers your core body temperature so you don't feel cold

I'm happier in warmer climates. It has to be boiling before I'm too hot. None of this has the slightest connection to weight or fitness and it is quite rude to assume a correlation, imo. Obviously cardiac and vascular illnesses affect sufferers' temperature regulation, as do hormonal and metabolic disorders. That's not the same as telling anyone who feels the cold they must be unfit!

(Not aimed specifically at you, OP, just feeling huffy at the general arrogance of some posts ...)

If anyone knows of a free warm mutual meeting place where you can chat for a couple of hours I'd like to hear it

Cafe area of local swimming pool (modern build).

I had to leave library due to shivering, recently.

My BMI is up to 22-23 and I'm as cold as ever, weanh...!

I don't think it's rude to keep your coat on. I would probably offer a throw to a friend who was sitting in her coat. I often feel cold but understand that is ME and it is not cool to put the heating on up to 22!

It is VERY rude to ask them to turn the heating up.

Why don't you wear thermal base layers under your trousers and tshirts?

OP I really feel for you, as for much of my life I've been the same (though starting to grow out of it). Being cold all the time is really horrible.

At the risk of offering advice you've heard a million times before ... keep your head covered with a simple beanie-type hat, and also wear proper slippers (the kind with soles) as well as thick socks. These two things were for me a life changer, especially the slippers (which I'd always avoided as being terribly middle-aged).

I don't think it's really on to sit with a coat - it implies a criticism of your host. And you can't ask for the heating to be turned up as it's ruinously expensive these days. However if it's offered, then say yes enthusiastically and gratefully.

good luck OP. And remember, spring is on the way!

My house is cold with no heating on at the moment as the oil has run out and we can't afford to buy more :( I have the coal fires lit so it is warm in those two rooms but a bit chilly everywhere else! Maybe your friend doesn't have the heating on because she can't afford to? That said, I wouldn't be offended if you kept your coat on at my house, but as a friend I'd hope you understood why I can't turn on the heating!

OP - heated socks

I live in the tropics, and we have heat wars here too.

I really feel the cold (part of the reason I wanted to come here), but people in my office don't. We have the aircon st at 24, but that's far too cold for me. I tend to turn it off if there's no-one else around, others would naturally have it at 19.

I feel the cold (although not as badly as I used to) but would only ask my mum or my sister to put up the heating. With anyone else I would just suffer in silence (even my brother as I know my SIL is frugal re heating and electricity bills, although very generous in general).

When I used to work in shared offices I used to always be freezing as there was invariabley at least one person who wanted windows open all the time. I used to wear layers into work but still felt cold and miserable a lot of the time.

Frogspoon have you had your blood pressure checked low blood pressure causes people to feel cold High blood pressure people are more likely to feel warm. It is why many pregnant woman feel cold especially in early pregnancy as you blood pressure tends to be lower.

I used to freeze at work the temperature at my desk was measured at 14 degrees although people around me complained it was too warm, I have always felt the cold, I had to get up earlier and do some house work just to get warm.

Have you had your thyroid checked? You have definitely mentioned symptoms of thyroid imbalance.

I was about to say the same about thyroid levels - as I understand it, the lack of weight gain doesn't rule out thyroid issues (which seems to be what you are assuming).

I would hate to think that someone had come round to my house and silently sat freezing their arse off, I'd much rather they kept their coat on. Nowadays I would also offer to turn up the heating, but when we had less money that wasn't an option.

I think it's quite rude to keep your coat on as it implies you're not staying. If you are going to keep your coat on, make your visits very quick, eg just 15 mins no more. Or you could buy a coat that doesnt look like like a coat, more of a cardi, just for visiting.

I would turn my heating up ONLY if you were already wearing thick socks a fleece and layers!

If you are cold keep your coat on, it's their problem.

I'm surprised anyone would be offended by a guest keeping their coat on, I always do in a non heated home. It would be rude to ask to turn the heating on though, they may not be able to afford heating so I wouldn't say anything unless they mention your coat, then just be honest and say that you can't tolerate the cold at all. Only an idiot would be offended by that! They might even turn the heating on for you

People always strip when they come to my place, if it's still bothering them, I'll happily open the doors/windows and wrap myself in a blanket. It's horrible for anyone to be uncomfortable with a too high/low temperature. We all feel things differently.

Asking someone to turn up the heat in their house is rude, I'm afraid. Just as the hosts have a responsibility to make their guests comfortable in the spirit of hospitality, guests are also responsible for behaving in ways that will not offend or upset their hosts. Presumably your hosts think the heating is appropriate for them and their guests. Why should your comfort level override that of the hosts and any other guests?

I had the opposite situation last spring. A guest at a party asked me to turn on the air conditioning in my house. I live in a part of the US that gets extremely hot in the summer, but this was only May and it honestly was not that hot outside (around 80 degrees Fahrenheit). I don't like to use the air conditioning very often anyway, even in the worst heat of summer. So I found my guest's request very rude, though I did turn on the a.c. because he asked.

I think you should keep your coat on; some of my family & friends do because they feel the cold.

I never knew that it was considered to be rude to keep a coat on either; but then i don't treat my guests formally.