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AIBU?

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Original poster

this is why i HATE facebook sometimes....feel so left out and pissed off (sorry for FB related aibu)

84 replies

MoodyDidIt · 12/02/2013 09:32

its half term here, and i just found out - through the evil FB, that 3 of my good friends and all their DC's are going on a day trip today (don't want to say where as may out me)

and they haven't asked me

and they have had the chance to because i have spoken to them all in the last few days...and its not for any reason like no room in the car or whatever as they are going on the train

i feel like i am back at school....DC's and i would have really loved to have gone with them. why haven't they invited us?

i feel like i can't ask any of them directly because i will look needy and stalkerish....as i have only found out about it via them all tagging eachother in multiple statuses about how soooo excited they are Hmm

we are all 30-something btw, not 16. i am sad :(

OP posts:
manicbmc · 12/02/2013 09:34

Go and do something else with your dc. Is anyone else being left out or is there anyone else you could go somewhere with with the kids?

Do that and then post plenty of happy pics on fb and hope that it rains where they have gone Wink

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 12/02/2013 09:35

Go on a trip with your DC's, make it fun and full of things, theres alot of reasons they didnt invite you, its a little bit tasteless blasting it all over FB.

So just take your DC's out for the day.

comedycentral · 12/02/2013 09:36

It doesn't matter how old we are, feelings of being left out in this way can still hurt as much as they did when we were young. Really off of them by the sounds of it, the multiple tagging is harsh, they must have known you would see it.

Cat98 · 12/02/2013 09:36

:( that's not nice. I'd have to have a word with whichever one of them you feel you either are closest to or are more likely to be honest! 'Have I done something, that trip looked good fun, is there any reason ds and I weren't invited?' Then depending on the answer decide whether to continue bothering with them!

aldiwhore · 12/02/2013 09:37

YANBU... People tend to forget that FB is akin to shouting your news down the highstreet at times. I totally understand your upset, but it may not even have crossed their mind that you'd be upset.

That doesn't mean you're not a good friend, and yes, it would have been nice to have been asked.

I have a group of intermingled friends and we're always doing things with part of the group, or in pairs etc., Much as I love my BEST friend, I don't invite her to everything. So try not to take it too personally.

FeistyLass · 12/02/2013 09:37

Don't be sad. If you're friends with them on facebook then you could mention it to them. They're not keeping it a secret if it's in a status update. Maybe they think you know about it and don't want to go since you haven't commented on their plans? Also, just because you are friends it doesn't mean you have to do everything together. If it's making you sad then you should mention it to them. There might be a perfectly innocent explanation. In the meantime, have these Thanks , cheer up and have a nice day with your dc.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 12/02/2013 09:37

Thats the bit that bugs me about FB, it makes people act so damn rude, even when they dont mean too.

FlouncingMintyy · 12/02/2013 09:38

Why are people so thoughtless about this sort of thing? Just why?

Lovelygoldboots · 12/02/2013 09:39

Oh I have had this and facebook makes it worse. Have a lovely day with your dc's on your own. Or ask someone else to come with you. I am sure they will ask you again but try and rise above it.

schoolchauffeur · 12/02/2013 09:40

Yes find something really special to do with your DCs and forget about them.

Really why people have to do this sort of thing amazes me. Similar thing happened to me a few years ago- although they were a group of new friends we had known for about 3 months as we had just moved here. Only found out about it as my DDs best friend ( aged about 7) kept going on and on about why we weren't going with them! Apparently, her mum had told her "It's because we don't really know them very well".

Rise above it OP- don't let worrying about spoil the lovely day you could have with your DCs.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 12/02/2013 09:41

Ask why they didn't invite you then if you can suggest you meet them there.
I don't see a problem with ringing them and it certainly doesn't make you appear needy.
FB is a pain in the arse, and stops people having rl conversations!

WeAreEternal · 12/02/2013 09:41

IIWM and my friends I would just call and ask if I could come too, but that's me and I know that my friends would be fine with that (or they would just say so if they didn't want me to go).

You could always send a message saying how much fun it looks and you would love to come next time.

DonderandBlitzen · 12/02/2013 09:44

YANBU. There is no need for them to paste it all over Facebook. A group email between them would serve the purpose perfectly well and not cause hurt feelings. Why the need to boast about it on FB.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/02/2013 09:44

I would put on one of the status's - 'Oh yeah! Where's my invite?'
A bit tongue in cheek but meaning it - if you know what I mean?
YANBU to be upset but they may have their reasons.

FutTheShuckUp · 12/02/2013 09:45

I've had all this shit before, certain 'friends' engineering day trips/nights out etc including only the people they want to be there. What it boils down to is the fact they aren't friends at all so ditch them and move on.

DonderandBlitzen · 12/02/2013 09:46

Yes actually i think it would be fine to write under their posts. "That looks fun. Smile I'd love to come next time." They should expect this since they announced it on FB for all to see.

LadyFace · 12/02/2013 10:01

What donderandblitzen says. Yanbu. It's hurtful when so-called friends behave like this. It's happened to me and I pulled back on that group and busied myself with other friends.

Sugarice · 12/02/2013 10:03

That's really mean, especially if they know you're likely to see it.

Find out why you weren't invited, you'll know where you stand then.

Sugarice · 12/02/2013 10:04

It's not needy or stalkerish to ask either, it's normal!

chimchar · 12/02/2013 10:12

I left Facebook for this very reason....spent too much time feeling shit about myself because of other people.

Now, others still meet up without inviting me, but I am blissfully unaware!

It hurts moody, I know.

I hope you can manage to have a happy day with your dc. X

IWishIWasSheRa · 12/02/2013 10:17

I hate leaving people out but sometimes I think life would be easier if i wasn't so conscious of it- I think I go too far! For instance- when it snowed I planned to meet a few friends up the park with their dc's but then text everyone else I thought might like it and although we had a great time I didn't really catch up with everyone as it was so busy. Sometimes things are more chilled out in a smaller group- doesn't mean I want to exclude anyone but where do you draw the line before you end up doing days out en masse?

Pandemoniaa · 12/02/2013 10:20

YANBU to feel left out. Unfortunately the culture of spilling every detail of your life onto Facebook means that you know when you've been excluded in such a public manner. It also means that events probably gain a greater significance than they warrant because, quite reasonably, you can't do everything that everyone else you know is doing. However, if you didn't know you'd not care in quite the same way.

I'd avoid putting comments like "where's my invite then?" on FB in response though. That really will come across as rather needy. Also it broadcasts your own exclusion. Can you not phone one of the group and ask if you can come along?

mrsjay · 12/02/2013 10:25

that is just mean go somewhere with your children and dont think about it again it really isn't worth it, saying that I was meant to be going out with old friends a few months ago and they cancelled and the next night they posted pictures of a 'girls night out' they were on I was really hurt and i havn't contacted them again to arrange another night out .

manicinsomniac · 12/02/2013 10:26

I agree that 'where's my invite' is a bit PA but, if they're good friends, I think I might post (or even phone!) 'oh, that sounds fun, we're free today, mind if we come with you all?'

Tulahoob · 12/02/2013 10:57

I think it's really mean of them. No wonder you are upset.

I have had similar where I was good friends with someone and introduced her to another friend of mine, and the next thing they are meeting up all the time for nights out, days out with the children, and shopping trips, and broadcasting it all over FB. It hurt and I did consider making comments on their statuses about how it would have been nice to be invited, but I decided against it as I didn't want to look needy. I think they probably were doing it to let me see that they were the best of friends and were having fun and that I wasn't! They also did things such as write on each others walls about how excited they were about a forthcoming night out/lunch. It made me realise how pathetic and nasty they both are. If I make plans with someone, FB walls are the last place I'd do it.

If I were you I'd cool it totally with those friends. Be polite if you see them, but just focus on other friendships. Yes you could approach one of them but you will risk looking needy and also chances are, if they do things like this, they will try to turn it around and make you into the problem instead , ie 'I can't believe you're so bothered because we went out for a day without you' rather than seeing things from your point of view.

In my experience, true friends don't do things like that. They are not worth it