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AIBU?

this is why i HATE facebook sometimes....feel so left out and pissed off (sorry for FB related aibu)

84 replies

MoodyDidIt · 12/02/2013 09:32

its half term here, and i just found out - through the evil FB, that 3 of my good friends and all their DC's are going on a day trip today (don't want to say where as may out me)

and they haven't asked me

and they have had the chance to because i have spoken to them all in the last few days...and its not for any reason like no room in the car or whatever as they are going on the train

i feel like i am back at school....DC's and i would have really loved to have gone with them. why haven't they invited us?

i feel like i can't ask any of them directly because i will look needy and stalkerish....as i have only found out about it via them all tagging eachother in multiple statuses about how soooo excited they are

we are all 30-something btw, not 16. i am sad :(

OP posts:

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MoodyDidIt · 12/02/2013 15:45

thanks for the mostly kind replies

i am glad i am not being a jealous nutter - was pretty sure everyone would say i was

these women are not my ONLY mates, but (i thought anyway) they were good friends, we have known eachother a long time - between 5 and 15 years. so i feel like i have done something wrong :(

i dont think i can bear to ask them why though, i am too embarassed. however, today i have been for lunch with a couple of other friends, so i have just posted on facebook about that and tagged the friends in it

OP posts:

Sokmonsta · 12/02/2013 16:15

It's mean to make it do public if its the sort of thing you would normally all go to together.

Although I'd probably be a bit PA and post asking if it was any good as I was thinking of taking the dc there.

carrie74 · 12/02/2013 16:33

Ooh, you see, I have a big group of friends around here, and we really can't do everything together. Usually what tends to happen is someone makes a throwaway comment in the playground, and it may get around to everyone, or it may not. Sometimes people text, sometimes they email, sometimes people FB (there's a group for the school's parents). I'm planning a bit of a day out with the children on Friday that ties into a topic they're doing at school, so put a general FB message out, but anyone who's not in that group won't have seen it. It's not in anyway malicious, just I don't want to send a message out in 4 different ways. As it is, there are already about 4 other families planning to come which already makes it quite a big group.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that friends don't do things to offend me.

And I do the FB tagging thing sometimes - not to make other people feel bad, but just because it's fun (I did it recently when I met some old school friends and thought other school friends may want to know we're still in touch. Not in a "we all met up but didn't include you" kind of way. Same as when I see other people on FB doing social things - we can't all do things together all the time.

revolvenotevolve · 12/02/2013 16:38

what carrie said.

ginslinger · 12/02/2013 16:41

Now i know my reply to why i am not on favebook - cos it's cunt city. Thanks to whoever gave me that brilliant description.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 12/02/2013 16:45

I had a similar experience when a friend put a picture of our close friends having lunch together in a swanky London hotel for a birthday and I couldn't stop myself writing "did our invite get lost in the post?" underneath in a PA way. Sorry you're feeling left out OP.

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips · 12/02/2013 16:48

I would also post something like "cheers for the invite, mate". But then, I'm an arsehole and don't much stand for petty schoolgirl nonsense like this.

Nicolaeus · 12/02/2013 16:50

What did they reply munchkin?

mynewpassion · 12/02/2013 17:13

Tit for tat? So teenagerish.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 12/02/2013 17:18

It was met with stone cold silence and never mentioned Nicolaeus

mynewpassion · 12/02/2013 17:21

Or that they could care less.

McNewPants2013 · 12/02/2013 17:21

I would ask them the reason why there wasn't an invite.

Is the DC similar ages

Sadandslovenly · 12/02/2013 17:41

I recently had an experience of cunt city....friend of 20 years had birthday night out on Saturday,invited EVERYONE except me, including a girl we all fell out with 3 years ago for outrageously bad behaviour on a weekend away. There was lot of bad blood between them. Looked on freind of 20yrs fb age on Sunday & there's all the photos from sat night, including one of her with (ex) freind kissing her cheek!!

I texted her & told her how pissed off I was, her reason behind this shit? I'd gone out with another freind ONCE & not invited her!!!! FFS, that does NOT justify cruelty.
Bitch.
Deleted her off fb & blocked her. Just wish I could bleach her from my brain.

fromparistoberlin · 12/02/2013 17:49

aww slovenly, what a biatch indeed

get a wax doll ??? and pins...

evil!!!

Sadandslovenly · 12/02/2013 18:14

Fromparis I have to stop myself from plotting evil revenge!! Wish I could do SOMETHING to make me feel better.
They say the best revenge is living well, but she lives VERY well, surrounded by tons of ( fake) freinds, she's just got divorced, and has been plotting that for Years so is very happy. Loaded too. Bitch.

MarilynValentine · 12/02/2013 18:19

Moody if I were you, next time I saw one of them I'd say, "So you lot had a good time on , huh?" In a friendly enough way. And then just wait. See what she says. She might go, "Oh, yes, sorry we couldn't invite you because Shall we do something soon?!" And then you'll feel better. But if she doesn't say anything sensitive to how you might have felt about being excluded, drop them.

whois · 12/02/2013 18:34

Why so much upset over this?

Sometimes I do things with a couple of friends, sometimes a slightly different mix, sometimes a bigger group and sometimes just one or two friends which can be different. My 'best' friend meets up with other people in our group without me. I meet up with people she is friends with without her. Otherwise you would always be doing something in a massive group and with the same people.

Is this ny normal behavious for girls over the age of 14?

whois · 12/02/2013 18:36

Oh and I would have it in to open, because there isn't anything to hide. So I might well post on FB 'lovely meal with x' or 'looking forward to event with x, y and z tomorrow'. I would be more hurt if people kept events from me rather than being open about their plans.

PurplePidjin · 12/02/2013 18:36

Or, maybe they all think one of the others invited you? I'd put "Have fun :)" on it and try and assign less importance to them in future

coldcupoftea · 12/02/2013 20:13

The thing is, sometimes it is easier to do certain things with smaller groups. I have quite a lot of mum friends/ acquaintances I have met over the years at toddler groups, preschool, nct etc. Some of the friendships overlap, eg someone I know from nct might know one of my other friends because their kids went to nursery together. I do different things with different groups and can't invite everyone to everything, sometimes it boils down to the ages of the kids or what days people normally have off work.

I was momentarily hurt when I discovered 3 friends all took their kids to the panto together this xmas while I was in DD's bad books for forgetting to book tickets until it was too late But I soon got over it- it is a pain in the arse to try to organise an outing for a big group, sometimes it's just easier to keep things small.

FB bragging sucks though!

Southeastdweller · 12/02/2013 20:32

I would also say something in person like others have suggested, something harmless.

I don't blame you for feeling like this. It's happened to me on the dreaded Facebook and it hurts when it's people you consider good friends. I wonder if your friendship means as much to them as if does to you?

Samnella · 12/02/2013 20:48

YANBU for being hurt. If I were you I would call one who you feel the closest too and explain how you feel, that you know it may across as immature and you feel silly but you genuinely want to know if you have done something. It is spiteful and I find it hard to believe its not deliberate. But the deliberate maybe for a good reason - they thought you were way, or limited tickets etc.

I have had similar happen but not though facebook. I met two supposed friends for coffee. Friend X had pre warned me she wouldn't be able to stay long as she was off out that night. Friend Y turned up after being invited by friend X. She lived quite far from us which was the only reason she hadn't been invited in the first place as it has been a short notice and quick catch up type of thing. Friend Y had double booked so left early and just as we were going our separate ways I asked friend X what she was up to that night. She looked very awkward and said she was out with friend y. They had not said a word about it all the time we had been together and looking back I am pretty sure friend Y turned up just to stop friend X inviting me. They had clearly discussed it before they came as there was no mention of it even when they parted. Friend X has since told me it was friends Y's idea as it were but it changed my friendship with them forever. I occasionally see friend X but not Y at all. Sometimes its good these things happen as you can just move on from people. Reading back it sounds really juvenile and it happened 5 years ago but I still remember that stinging pain as I walked home and worked out what had happened.

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MoodyDidIt · 13/02/2013 09:25

I think i am going to have to ask one of them directly

its really bugging me and i am still upset about it :( one of them i have known since i was a teenager so i think i might get in touch with her...not in a confrontational way, but in the way samnella and some others suggested

and yeah southeastdweller thats what i am wondering. ie whether my friendship means as much to them as it does me. and it hurts.

and am sorry to hear so many of you have been through similar.....it appears some people just don't ever get past the type of behaviour most of us left behind in high school!

OP posts:

PurplePidjin · 13/02/2013 09:35

Phone and say "What did you think of ? Dc are desperate to go, but i don't know if it's worth the hassle"

Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

Springdiva · 13/02/2013 10:08

I don't know, group outings can turn out quite fraught and 3 is not a good number.
Also often there is a difference in behaviour standards between different families and your DC's endearing fun loving behaviour could be someone else's devil child.
Don't assume what you are missing is a great success --- even if it looks that way on FB tomorrow, they aren't going to post that X was a grumpy cow and Y's DCs need throttled.
You are making assumptions.

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