to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

I love it when people who have still only got small children go on about how the way they are raising them is the best way. How do you know? Where's the proof that being at home with you is the best for them? I think one of the reasons my son is so outgoing and full of life is the friendships he developed in his nursery. The fact is that everyone on here seems quite happy with their choices and aren't judging others for staying at home or going to work or doing a bit of both. You seem to be the only one who is judging. Why is that?

Oh, and my son did still 'grow up at home' just not 24/7. I didn't ship him off to boarding school FFS!

M15?????? Fuck I should have been in bed ages ago but this is just comedy gold!

MI5 dudes go on cake -baking training courses?

Oh and patronising kisses too !

£26 a year? Even you cleaner must earn more than that, OP.

her cleaner is paid in lemon drizzle cake and pizza dough

Stripey you're not even trying anymore. It's not fun if you don't try.

Hope you're not teaching your dc to so transparently throw in the towel at the first sign of being found out your Bob not Barbara difficulty.

OP do you think a person's worth and importance is measured by their salary? And that if you don't need a salary that you are better than those that do? And do you think £26k is a comically low salary? That is what came across in your post. Everything you say makes you sound further detached from reality.

And grandmothers and aunts making really good childcarers - no men again? Actually, my DM would make a terrible childminder but in her case this was partly exacerbated by her disconnecting a bit from the real world when after she gave up work when my DB was born. Not right to generalise based on this but for me she is a constant reminder of why I think it's far better (for me) to remain in work.

Oooh! OP! Guess what I do, guess what I do! And how miuch I get paid and what grades my DCs get at skool and shit!

nevergoogle

" i'm so pleased some reasonable SAHM's have come along to give their insight. thank you thank you thank you."

I'm a SAHM and I like cake........................................................................

where as my step father is a primary school teacher and would be an excellent childminder

Was your undercover work with MI5 when you checked out the nurseries we use, and discovered the illegal staffing ratios stripey?
Or were you working on a top secret lemon drizzle
Recipe?

Cat if you're paying £50 a day for nursery care then you need to look at the hourly rate - £5 an hour... am really surprised you won't leave your 14 month old with your husband, or am I mixing you up with another poster? Small babies don't need nursery care. Why not keep him at home and find a playgroup when he's 2? But up to you, of course.

How old are your DC Stripeybear?

And what will you do when they are all (?) at school. Or when they are all at school and old enough to deal with things themselves and want to (ie secondary)?

Sometimes people stay in the world of work so that when/if they want to negotiate term-time only or leaving at 3pm they are able to do so from a position of strength. People returning to work after a 12-year career break often find those sort of deals are just not on the table.

Or maybe you are planning never to work again. That's fine of course if you want and indeed people do do that (not many people I know as it goes). Personally having no focus beyond a home with no children in it all day would drive me bananas.

StripeyBobOP, catgirl already said her DS benefits from the nice nursery. Try to keep up.

hopefully she will home school - the world needs more lemon drizzle cake makers

I'm so sorry I was watching the Queen documentary would anyone care to bring me up to speed?

Why? Just cause a nursery pays minimum wage doesnt mean its not really good.