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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

999 replies

StripeyBear · 09/02/2013 15:06

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be Sad

OP posts:
BigAudioDynamite · 10/02/2013 22:46

Sorry to disappoint, but our nursery also adheres strictly to ratios

gordyslovesheep · 10/02/2013 22:46

to clarify only 2 left in the time DD3 was there ...

Sulawesi · 10/02/2013 22:47

We certainly don't have much in common you are quite right there Grin!

slatternlymother · 10/02/2013 22:47

Ooooh, x-post worriedmummy

LineRunner · 10/02/2013 22:47

Would you like to come and take my children away, OP? I hear Australia's nice.

nevergoogle · 10/02/2013 22:48

i'm so pleased some reasonable SAHM's have come along to give their insight. thank you thank you thank you.

slatternlymother · 10/02/2013 22:48

bigaudio I'm afraid you must be lying, because the OP clearly knows loads more about your nursery than you do.

ChestyLeRoux · 10/02/2013 22:48

Stripeybear- Whys it scary? When my children are at nursery with me there is so much to do I cant recreate that at home.

janey68 · 10/02/2013 22:48

Don't misquote people stripey. We're not saying parenting is boring. We're just saying we enjoy combining it with a career. I love being a mum. I love spending time with my kids - they rock .

Btw you still haven't explained why you're happy to pay your cleaner shit money but won't work for minimum wage yourself.

chandellina · 10/02/2013 22:49

I again ask, where are the men in your world, because many I know also find childcare incredibly dull yet no one seems to find it sad. You say parents but you clearly mean women.

I personally think it's sad to live off a man and not live up to your potential as a human being. And no, being a mum only doesn't really cut it.

Dereksmalls · 10/02/2013 22:50

This thread has just made me realise something - I earn more than enough for DH to be able to give up work! Fuck me - all I need now is to test his lemon drizzle cake and pizza dough recipes (his madeira cake and ginger biscuits are none to shabby so bodes well!).

Damn, does this mean the DCs have been fucked up for nothing

catgirl1976 · 10/02/2013 22:50

Oh.

Am I meant to give DS up to a nice family who can't have children and where the mummy would spend every day having precious moments?

Because, I will totally do that when you give up your DCs to someone who can bake a fucking cake without knocking a nail into their palm and putting an Instagram photo of the fucking thing on Facebook.

Sounds fair to me.

HandbagCrab · 10/02/2013 22:51

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Sulawesi · 10/02/2013 22:51

God I so want to be thought of as a reasonable SAHM. I would hate hate the idea that people think all I do is sit at home and look at cake recipes, it is utterly depressing to be pigeonholed in that way.

gordyslovesheep · 10/02/2013 22:52

Because, I will totally do that when you give up your DCs to someone who can bake a fucking cake without knocking a nail into their palm and putting an Instagram photo of the fucking thing on Facebook

hahahahaha oh yes ^^^ this ...not that I know the OP but I do a couple of Facebook people who fit this bill!

LineRunner · 10/02/2013 22:52

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AnnieLobeseder · 10/02/2013 22:52

I love a good smug SAHM thread. Nothing amuses me more than being told I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I'm not going to smother them in affection and lemon drizzle cake 24/7.

They're even better than the smug WOHM threads with all the "SAHMs are brainless zombies who will be screwed when their DHs run off with the secretary".

I really must print off some more bingo cards. I'm running low.

StripeyBear · 10/02/2013 22:53

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slatternlymother · 10/02/2013 22:53

sula no. I just think that of the OP. Not all SAHM's who believe in, and respect choice.

gordyslovesheep · 10/02/2013 22:53

it's not about SAHM or working mums - I don't care what choices other people make as long as they are happy and no one dies

I feel that if you need to justify your own choices by belittling others maybe you aren't as 'happy' as you pretend to be

gordyslovesheep · 10/02/2013 22:55

Slatternlymother year really DON'T at all - to all the rational people in the room

catgirl1976 · 10/02/2013 22:55

I love all parents. I dont give a feck how they run their lives. End of, it's hard yet amazing, regardless of what you do or don't do inside or outside of the home

I just don't like twunts.

They make me all itchty.

gordyslovesheep · 10/02/2013 22:56

year??? YOU obviously - doh!

catgirl1976 · 10/02/2013 22:56

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Sulawesi · 10/02/2013 22:57

slatternly phew! I totally respect working parents and have said so on many occasion indeed on the last thread like this which was at least oh 2 weeks ago!

I take my hat off to parents who can work full time and run a house, care for children etc. I would bloody drop dead if I tried to do all that. I am in complete admiration and absolutely no smuggery on any point whatsoever here!

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