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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

339 replies

Neverland2013 · 08/02/2013 22:46

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 09/02/2013 20:23

Agree with cumfy - the person knew they were doing something that was not right. They weren't a true friend. Your other so-called friends would rather you just 'got over it' as that's the easy option for them. I would feel like you OP. Tell your inviter that you don't feel like coming and playing nice and you aren't going to pretend.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 20:26

I am still trying to imagine the conversation with a mum from mums group, not a close friend.

"yes we went to see 13 river cottages it's lovely it's for sale at £100,000 so we put a bid on at £90,000 but we can only afford to go to £95,000 if someone bids against us"

Do people really have those sorts of conversations with casual acquaintances?

Pigsmummy · 09/02/2013 20:29

It's your problem not theirs. Yabu

LittleChimneyDroppings · 09/02/2013 20:33

I am still trying to imagine the conversation with a mum from mums group, not a close friend.

how do you know she wasn't an (allegedly) close friend at the time? I dont think the op referred to her as a casual acquaintance at any point did she?

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 20:36

The OP said "one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup'" although she did later say she considered this person a close friend. But how close is close? Maybe the friend didn't think they were that close? The OP seemed to imply it was the kids that were closer.

Or I could be reading it wrong.

But I can't imagine ever spilling that amount of private stuff to anyone tbh.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 20:38

I think if it was her best friend the OP would have said so. And as I said I'm just staggered that anyone would have this sort of conversation with anyone - I wouldn't even with my parents because how much money I can or cannot afford to bid on a house is not any of their business.

But it's been established, I'm weird Grin

Maryz · 09/02/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Neverland2013 · 09/02/2013 20:47

I wouldn't call her a casual acquaintance. Our children were born only three weeks apart. We would see each other daily and looked after each other kids. When she was going through difficult time, I was there for her. When the rest of the group wanted to exclude her due to depression I stood by her. She looked after my DD and vice versa. We talked about our dreams and aspirations. Obviously, I got it all wrong. Instead, I was made to look like a fool.

OP posts:
earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WhateverTrevor · 09/02/2013 20:49

Why didn't you put a higher offer in?

Maryz · 09/02/2013 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Neverland2013 · 09/02/2013 20:55

??? for not wanting to play nice??? For being true to myself and stand by what I believe in even if there are implications??? I understand why she did it but I don't think anyone can expect that our group will ever be the same.

OP posts:
earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 20:57

You seriously are taking this far too much to heart.

She saw a house she liked. She bid on it. She got it.

If you had wanted it then you should have either kept your powder dry and your mouth shut so no one knew what you'd bid and what you could bid up to, or bid higher.

Maryz · 09/02/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:01

And surely if you're saying "group" then she's not really a best friend is she?

timidviper · 09/02/2013 21:04

earlier OP might be depressed, I don't know, but I think her feelings are quite rational after being let down by people she should be able to trust. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I think loyalty and consideration are nice qualities in a friend rather than odd but then maybe that explains why I was let down badly too if other people think that.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:08

But she wasn't let down. She wasn't gazumped even. A house was for sale Her family and another family viewed it. They put an offer in and bought it.

How is that letting someone down?

OP, did you have an offer in on the house?

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:17

it is beyond me how anyone can think that if you tell a friend I am going to offer x for y, that in any universe it is ok for said friend to offer x+2 without saying afford.

and to say every man ( sic) for themselves

I do not want to live in that world

maybe I'm old fashioned but when did love and loyalty go so far out of fashion?

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:18

afford = anything

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:18

Hully but why would you tell a friend you were going to offer x for y? Oversharing, much?

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:20

why on earth wouldn't you?

why would u be so closed off and paranoid that you wouldn't?

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:22

Not closed off and paranoid, not at all, I just wouldn't discuss finances with anyone.

I was brought up that it was in bad taste and vulgar. And as this thread shows, a bloody sensible idea.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:23

and thats not the point, thats just your good old victim blaming. point is she trusted her friend, friend was a slimeball, but shes paying the price. same as ever, it's always the bullied that leaves the school

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:25

I am slightly involved in property, as are several of my friends and acquaintances, if someone announces an interest, none of us would dream of trying to nick it. it's bad form, bad manners, and shitty

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:26

Hully I swear I'm not victim blaming. I just would never discuss personal dealings with anyone who didn't need to know.

I'm not a bully and the implication in your post that I am is misplaced.