Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

[Neverland2013]

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

They are cunts.

They know they are, because they had to make up this ridiculous surprise-surprise-darling-I've-bought-you-a-house story.

No I wouldn't discuss how much I had offered on a house. I would say I was looking, I might say what house I'd seen, but I would never ever ever tell what actual money I had offered, no.

Because that's personal and private and no one's business but your own.

And I certainly wouldn't hold it against someone if they went to see a house and put an offer on it. If the op had really put a proper offer on, they'd have been told about the offer and had the opportunity to up their offer. They didn't. Tis just one of those things. And not worth being annoyed about a year later.

nver ever did the OP say she was pumped for info. She said she told the ex-friend. She had a big mouth and it bit her on the bum.

Is it normal to not tell your friends about things you are excited about then? In case they do the dirty on you? People obviously have wildly different expectations about what friendship means, thats for sure.

They know they are, because they had to make up this ridiculous surprise-surprise-darling-I've-bought-you-a-house story

I agree. What a load of bollocks.

I would tell a friend I had looked at a house. But I wouldn't blab my offer that I'd put on. I must be weird.

You obviously don't have much trust in your friends then earlier.

No I just was brought up that it was vulgar to discuss financial dealings.

earlier, do you differentiate between acquaintances, work colleagues, mates, school pals and genuine friends ?

I think that her decision to buy the house over your head like she did, has broken a strong moral code in your book...so I definitely sympathise with how bent out of shape about the whole thing you clearly feel. As far as you are concerned it's a big no no. You wouldn't do it, and are appalled that she did. I hear you.

However, the fact is, she wasn't thinking about you, she was thinking about what was best for her family, and I'm afraid that's the way it goes. I know you feel like you were stitched up, and to be fair, in a sense you were, as she did sneak behind your back...but hey...when it comes to stuff like buying houses, it's every man for himself, and that's all there is to it.

I can well imagine feeling the same in your shoes, but I know I'd get over it because that's the way it goes.

To be still holding a grudge about it a year later, to the point where you wont attend a lunch with her is taking it too far. Stop this now.

Oh ok ....you've just teleported here from the 19th century.

this is a mum from the mumsgroup, it isn't a best friend in the whole world.

And even my best friend in the whole world I wouldn't tell how much I'd put on a house. Not until the deal was done. I just wouldn't.

Yes with strangers. Not with close friends. But we all have different beliefs and ideas of what is right and wrong.

quite possibly. I just wouldn't discuss financial stuff. I just wouldn't. I can't explain it, I just wouldn't. As I said, I'm obviously weird

when it comes to stuff like buying houses, it's every man for himself

Well clearly not otherwise the OP would not be sharing the finance info.

With friends like that who needs enemies ?

Not weird......just different

The thing is, it's not UR for the OP to feel she doesn't want to go to lunch because the former friend is there for whatever reason she likes under the sun. That's up to her, that's her choice.

What is unreasonable is that she is putting it onto her friend and she wants her friend to collude in the whole thing and not invite one or other.

Which is ridiculous. Her friend won't remember or give a shit. It's an invite. You are allowed to say no.

Stop this now

And how long are you planning on holding that "grudge" pictish ?

eh?

What is unreasonable is that she is putting it onto her friend and she wants her friend to collude in the whole thing and not invite one or other.

I would see it that any genuine friend of mine would look at gazumper as though they just trod in something.

Unless they are hearing a completely different story I would not expect them to maintain friendship.

But she wasn't gazumped.

She behaved badly towards you, I agree, and I'd be very angry too.

I think you need to let it go now though, or let the friends go.

She wasn't gazumped...she was outbid.

However, there is something quite galling about the friend using the info the op innocently gave away, to ensure her success in getting the house. She knew how much the op could afford to stretch to.
That does stink.

But hey - if it were me, I'd not let it sour my social life to the point of refusing invites to social occasions.

If a friend of mine gazumped another friend of mine I would stand by the victim as I would expect anyone with a sense of decency would do. Gazumping your friend is nasty, and nasty behaviour should not be tolerated. Friends that condone her gazumping you are no friends of yours, I,m afraid.

What Pictish said re thinking what was best for her family. Not a lovely thing to do, but I'd be inclined to make some early comments & put it behind me. If she'd actually gazumped you & you were say £6000 out of pocket that would b very different.

Rise above. Make it clear you'll never trust her, but suck it up if you want to keep socialising with the other poor women.

Sarky not early FFS