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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you should give a friend a lift home if it's raining?

336 replies

eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 12:33

This may be more a chat thing, but think I need the harshness of AIBU to see if I do have the right to be mad at my friend!

Have done A LOT of favours for this friend, but won't include that in the argument since I didn't do them to be paid back... but it is what is annoying me about the situation.

Another mum at DS's nursery saw me and DS huddling under the doorway until the hail past. Said hello, grabbed her DS and drove home. DS was screaming because he was scared. He was under his raincover in the pram, and it was a 15 minute walk so it was only me that got wet. But it was still horrible and I was literally soaked to the skin.

I know the mum would of had to drop us home (5 min drive) and come back for her DS, as there was only 1 car seat. But there is no way i'd walk past my friend like that! She is always early to pick up her DS so it wouldn't of been an issue since it's daycare, not like at school.

Am I being unfair? Is it our fault we don't have a car? I just think it would of been nice!

(btw she wasn't in a rush. pictures on facebook of them cuddled up watching cbeebies etc when they got home!)

OP posts:
Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:38

dont comment then diddl

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 08/02/2013 15:41

Casual forum Grin

nightswimmer · 08/02/2013 15:41

Well I completely understand Eggsy being aggrieved. I would be too. If I was her friend, I would have said, hop in the back, child on the lap, like we did in the seventies , not ideal but five minute drive, home safe and sound and out of the rain.

nightswimmer · 08/02/2013 15:42

I realise this won't be a popular solution but it's a no brainer to me.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/02/2013 15:42

You actually did say you needed harshness, eggsy. Is it possible that you're upset about other stuff (maybe a general feeling that your friend takes the piss?) and you're trying to pin it on this one circumstance?

"I would never dream of asking! I think it's cheeky" - so deep down you think she's cheeky?

I would just say that it sounds like you have higher standards of "friend" behaviour than this woman. That doesn't mean you're right and she's wrong. Sometimes I have found myself putting myself out massively to see or help a friend despite illness or whatever as I hate to cancel, when I realise they probably wouldn't bother to do the same for me and if they knew how I was feeling they'd probably tell me not to bother! They might be more sensible for all I know. Maybe if you were still friendly but just less willing to always say "yes" to her you'd be less pissed off about things like this?

I do think it's rude and unfair of you though to get in a huff with your close friend because she didn't think to do this one thing for you. Tell her and give her the chance to avoid it next time? It's only fair. Wouldn't you be mortified if you'd accidentally upset her because your mind was on other things, and she never told you just held a grudge?

diddl · 08/02/2013 15:42

Well it´s pretty pointless isn´t it as you´re so wound up about it?

Floggingmolly · 08/02/2013 15:44

She didn't let your DS get upset in the rain! You let your DS get upset in the rain! Your sheer persistence in the stance that your friend was in the wrong is getting quite funny now.

Whoknowswhocares · 08/02/2013 15:46

From the small amount of detail written, it sounds like friend may well be taking the piss! Using my lunchtime to sort out someone else's child regularly would raise my hackles for sure, especially if my own child got upset when they saw me there

It's a separate issue to the lift thing though and shouldn't be addressed on a tit for tat basis

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 08/02/2013 15:47

Eggsy perhaps turn mumsnet off & walk away.

You asked for harshness & got it.

There is no reason not to use correct grammar, wherever you write. It's two letters, of v have. One is correct, the other is not.

You haven't taken on board what 95% of peoe have said. This is aibu, you are, you e been told. Yet still you maintain...

Deep breath, mn is not compulsory, compelling, but not compulsory.

RedToothBrush · 08/02/2013 15:47

Casual forum indeed!

Its deadly serious when your appalling friend is so selfish (in expecting you to say no about getting medicine, er sorry teething granules, drip, drip, drip when its inconvenient for you but you haven't got the bollocks to say the word 'no'...) and then callously spits in your face by refusing to mind read and give you a lift.

Why else would the OP be behaving in the way she is, by threatening to be a 'fucking bitch' in future if it were such a small and casual matter.

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:48

Thanks Elephants for the helpful post. You are right that it's stupid as she is my clsoest friend. If she thought about me a bit without having to ask it wouldn't bother me so much! I'm too shy to bring it up as she obviously sees it as a non-issue!

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 08/02/2013 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 08/02/2013 15:48

Wow. You British are odd.

I'm in Ireland, I've been stuck without a car for a few weeks and people offer every day at playschool. If they see me walking on the way there they pull up and shout 'get in'. On wet days people will turn around on their way home if they see me, drive me up to the playschool and drop us home. People round here carry extra booster seats just in case they need to give a child a lift.

I've done the same countless times. If we know someone is stuck without a car we offer to grab their kids for them, give them lifts, ask them if they need stuff from the shops. I've even had a friend offer to drive me a 60 mile round trip for one of the kids appointments.

Threads like this make me appreciate the Irish community spirit so much.

Charlie01234 · 08/02/2013 15:49

AAARRRGHHHHH - I really cant read anymore!!! PLEASE stop say 'should of', 'would of', 'could of' - its HAVE

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:50

walking away started out this thread because I was convinced anyone else would of given me a lift. obviously not and i'm too nice Grin

OP posts:
Sugarice · 08/02/2013 15:52

Are you going to speak to your friend about how pissed off you are that she didn't offer a lift.

PureQuintessence · 08/02/2013 15:53

"would of" was on BBC News yesterday. A HT in Teeside is going to the weird step of finally banning it used in school as he has realized it makes the locals look erm "disadvantaged" if they cannot communicate in proper written English outside their local community, and it could be a disadvantage in the job market.

Maybe he has a point. I had not thought about it until this thread.

I did not even realize that some schools allowed it!

Sallystyle · 08/02/2013 15:53

I don't drive and never expect people to give me lifts. It's nice if people offer but I never expect it or get mad when they don't offer.

I walk in the pouring rain all the darn time with five children.. it doesn't harm anyone if you have proper winter clothing.

YABU.

Bowlersarm · 08/02/2013 15:58

I would have given you a lift eggsy but i would probably have been thinking about other things and it just might not have crossed my mind. It may not have occurred to me unless you had mentioned it, as simple as that

BeCool · 08/02/2013 15:58

"Is it our fault we don't have a car?"
If it's anyones 'fault' then yes I guess it is yours OP. Who else is going to get a car for you?

It does sound to me like this woman treats you like an unpaid PA though (dropping her DS's teddy for your to drop of at nursery - really???) - getting you to run around after her and her family, whilst not feeling like heling you in return - I'd nip it in the bud if I were you.

diddl · 08/02/2013 15:59

"would of" is allowed in some schools?

OMG-that way madness lies!

Fenton · 08/02/2013 16:01

I would absolutely offer a lift to a friend or even acquaintance for that matter, had I been passing them in the rain while I was driving.

But I think this was a case of a misunderstanding or miss-communication rather than an out and out 'nasty bitchy thing'.

Sometimes when you see a child wailing, and the parent is inexplicably doing nothing to stop the wailing, you suppose that the child must have been an absolute horror and the parent is dealing with it and you don't interfere.

It is possible that she simply read the situation wrongly.

If you had asked her for a lift and she had refused that would have be very unkind, but that's not what happened.

ExitPursuedByABear · 08/02/2013 16:02

I don't think it is allowed as such - at least I bloody well hope not.

SPBInDisguise · 08/02/2013 16:02

Quint I saw part of your post before clicking on the thread and thought you were going tk say a ht in Teesside had used it - was feeling ashamed of being from there. But are you saying it was allowed in formal work before then? Madness!

SPBInDisguise · 08/02/2013 16:04

And I don't think it's exclusive to Teesside, I think a lot of people mishear "would've".

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