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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you should give a friend a lift home if it's raining?

336 replies

eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 12:33

This may be more a chat thing, but think I need the harshness of AIBU to see if I do have the right to be mad at my friend!

Have done A LOT of favours for this friend, but won't include that in the argument since I didn't do them to be paid back... but it is what is annoying me about the situation.

Another mum at DS's nursery saw me and DS huddling under the doorway until the hail past. Said hello, grabbed her DS and drove home. DS was screaming because he was scared. He was under his raincover in the pram, and it was a 15 minute walk so it was only me that got wet. But it was still horrible and I was literally soaked to the skin.

I know the mum would of had to drop us home (5 min drive) and come back for her DS, as there was only 1 car seat. But there is no way i'd walk past my friend like that! She is always early to pick up her DS so it wouldn't of been an issue since it's daycare, not like at school.

Am I being unfair? Is it our fault we don't have a car? I just think it would of been nice!

(btw she wasn't in a rush. pictures on facebook of them cuddled up watching cbeebies etc when they got home!)

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/02/2013 15:10

I think if you'd asked me if I could drop you home before getting my child then I probably would have done if I wasn't in a rush. If I'd had a spare car seat I'd have definitely offered you a lift. But if I'd just arrived at nursery I wouldn't have even considered offering you a lift as I'd have though well I need to get DS and we don't have an extra car seat. Dropping you off at yours before going in wouldn't even have crossed my mind unless you'd asked me... So YABU.

BartletForTeamGB · 08/02/2013 15:12

I'm sorry but something is annoying me more than your rant at your (entirely reasonable) friend.

'she might of had stuff in the boot' she 'might of been in a rush' 'might of been lots of traffic'.

She might have had stuff in the boot. She might have been in a rush.

We only have one car. I walk everywhere unless DH has cycled to work. I wrap myself and DS up warmly. We haven't melted in the rain yet. If the weather that been particularly bad, I would have waited in nursery until the worst of it had passed. Personally, I love decent weather. I love being out in the rain then coming home to a warm house and a cuddle up on the sofa.

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:12

Realising that is a much more personal level than can be explained on the internet. Glad to know what everyone thinks. Still haven't changed my opinion though, I think if someone bends over backwards to help you out whenever you need it, it wouldn't hurt to do them the odd favour. I think everyone's made their points in a pretty harsh way, so if you're just going to repeat what's been said for the last 8 pages, please stop!

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 08/02/2013 15:13

It was not actually even a lift.

You were expecting your friend to change her plans. Not pick up her son, faff about getting your child out of the pushchair, into her car. possibly have a screaming child all the way home to your house. Stop, get buggy out, get child out, say good bye to you, and then return to nursery to pick up her own child. Late. I reckon this would easily be half an hour.

How do you know that

  1. your friend would not be charged late rate for picking her child at a different time
  2. your friend had not been called in to pick up her child as he was ill/vomiting/running a fever
  3. your friend had waved to her child in the window so knew her dc had seen her arriving
  4. Was late for an appointment
  5. Was expecting a delivery at her home
  6. was due elsewhere, like hairdresser/gp/hv/birthday party with her dc
  7. whatever
Sugarice · 08/02/2013 15:15

Not everyone has been harsh OP.

You're right in that this situation means a lot more to you than we could possibly know so talk to your friend and sort it out rather than random strangers on here.

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:17

Did I say that every time it rains even a tiny bit 'I melt' or I think someone shoudl give me a lift? No. it was a one off occasion with particuarlly heavy hail and it was getting dark.

I walk everywhere, I know how to dress right. Doesn't mean I take waterproofs everywhere I go.

I didn't take DS back into nursery because he would of been upset and confused. He would of been scared he's getting left there again.

OP posts:
Jins · 08/02/2013 15:17

I haven't been harsh. I think you need to know that drivers like me don't actually notice that you might like a lift. Especially if it needs a separate trip before picking up your own children.

You need to ask for favours on occasion. I assume your friend asks you for favours? Ask her back!

RedToothBrush · 08/02/2013 15:17

Still haven't changed my opinion though, I think if someone bends over backwards to help you out whenever you need it, it wouldn't hurt to do them the odd favour.

So why did you bother asking? And you STILL need to learn the difference between 'asking for favour' and 'expecting someone to mind-read'.

So if you're just going to repeat what's been said for the last 8 pages, please stop!

Perhaps you'd like to take on board what people keep repeating then... so they don't have to!

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:18

purequintessence god, read back please. Bored now.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 08/02/2013 15:19

OP YANBU in hoping that she might offer you a lift, and if I saw my friend in your position I like to think I would have popped you and your DS home before my own DS had seen me - if you are really only 5 mins away. But it just may not have crossed her mind and YABU in just expecting her to do it without a discussion about it. There may have been a reason unknown to you that she just couldn't

Whoknowswhocares · 08/02/2013 15:19

Has anyone actually agreed with you though?

Did you only want people to agree with you? Looks like it will be a long wait! perhaps, just perhaps it is not the 8 pages of us that is wrong...........it could be you

HyvaPaiva · 08/02/2013 15:25

Okay i'm just going to be a fucking bitch from now on. I would never leave one of my friends with her child walking home in the rain!

You and your child had an unpleasant walk home in the rain. That's all that happened. You walked in nasty weather. Why the hell are you shouting at people and deciding to become a 'fucking bitch from now on' because of rain? Grin

Get a hold of yourself, OP. And stop being so rude to people on here, it's a ridiculous attitude.

GoLadyEdith · 08/02/2013 15:25

Eggsy

Listen please

It's could have, should have, might have

Not of

Several have pointed this out and you've ignored, a bit like how you've ignored the majority of the opinions here.

Your friend's not a mind reader and it really wouldn't occur to most reasonable people to leave their small child longer in nursery HAVING ARRIVED TO PICK THEM UP in order to give someone a lift AND THEN TO RETURN TO THE NURSERY.

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:28

Huh, I never said everyone was wrong.

Hyva - i'm going to be a bitch and say to my friend she can use her own damn lunch break to give her kid his toy. Not doing something for a kid is a nasty bitchy thing. I don't see how not giving her kid his medicine/toy is different to letting mine get upset in the rain. Both are things that are preventable, by someone else. I helped her DC out,s he should help mine.

wHOKNOWS Everyone said that I shouldn't expect her to give me a lift, as I'm the one without a car OR they've said that I should of asked. So I said fine I should of asked and I think she should of offered because of background and our friendship.

OP posts:
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 08/02/2013 15:31

Eggsy - you are confusing issues because you are upset.

If she had not given you a lift and could have done easily, I'd agree that it would have been nice considering all the things you have done for her.

But it wasn't as easy as that because of the car seat. It simply won't have occurred to her to leave her son...she's gone to pick him up. She may well have even thought, "Oh, I'd have given Eggsy a lift if I had a spare seat" but it's not a normal train of thought to leave someone behind.

It's not the same as asking you to nip a toy across (which you didn't have to do, and don't have to in the future), it's more like asking you to go home and get a toy and then take that to him.

You might cut your nose off to spite your face here...

ExitPursuedByABear · 08/02/2013 15:31

'she might of have had stuff in the boot' she 'might of have been in a rush' 'might of have been lots of traffic'

Just trying to help.

RedToothBrush · 08/02/2013 15:32

I don't think this is anything to do with the rain.

I do think this about a much bigger argument 'friend'...

HyvaPaiva · 08/02/2013 15:33

I don't see how not giving her kid his medicine/toy is different to letting mine get upset in the rain

A child getting rained on is just as bad as a child not getting medicine? Are you for real? Grin

RedToothBrush · 08/02/2013 15:33

with your friend*

RedToothBrush · 08/02/2013 15:34

The child didn't get rained on Hyva. The child was dry and just scared of the rain. It was only the OP who got wet. Read the posts properly! Tsk!

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:34

Well when she's asks me to do up to three times a week Caja! It's ridiculous, and even though my office is only a few mins away. I have to get there and back, plus get through maximum security nursery and deal with whatever task i've been given (sometimes her son won't eat dinner from the nursery workers, but will from me because he's known me since he was born. So I sometimes get called in. When my DS sees me he gets upset, so they usually have to hide him when I go in!) So it is the same time as dropping me home actually!

OP posts:
Whoknowswhocares · 08/02/2013 15:35

I don't disagree that it would have been nice to offer IF she could fit you in the car along with her child. But to expect her to do so and leave her kid behind is daft. The only reason she was there in the first place was to pick him up!

You saying that you don't think everyone else is wrong, yet still insisting that you are right when we clearly have totally opposite viewpoints is nonsense

Original poster
eggsy11 · 08/02/2013 15:37

if the medicine is teething granuals (yes i have missed my lunch break to give him teething granuals) then yes, keeping dry is more important than medicine

OP posts:
diddl · 08/02/2013 15:38

Why should she have offered when she had no room?

"I really couldn´t care less!"

Well that sums up my feelings about your predicament!

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