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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

504 replies

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 12:16

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

OP posts:
HeadingHome · 09/02/2013 09:35

Marking... To see what happens after class Wink

Cherriesarelovely · 09/02/2013 09:38

Well done OP. To be honest if you hadn't reacted like this she would definitely have tried it on again soon. Some people are very selfish and inconsiderate and subtle responses are wasted on them. We had to be similarly firm with some parents last year. It did NOT go down well but we are so relieved not to be putting up with their crap anymore.

Good luck and well done!

Imaginethat · 09/02/2013 09:42

Wow she really has a nerve.

Don't feel bad and don't feel you have to justify. If you don't want to look after someone else's child, that is fine, you don't have to apologise or make excuses. Unless of course you want them to look after your DC sometimes!

TweedSlacks · 09/02/2013 09:43

4am!
Thats rather rude
Shows whats shes really like i guess
Hope DS gets better ( and you get some unimterupted sleep)

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 09:45

She really doesn't get it does she?

which is actually a placemarking attempt at subtlety

Stropzilla · 09/02/2013 09:46

Well done for standing up to her. If she does ever mention the 3 and a half hours and tries to pass it off, just tell her you don't trust her anymore and not to ask you again. I know it sounds blunt and rude but some people really won't get it any other way.

youfhearted · 09/02/2013 09:49

yes i am worried that she might ahve just told her dd to go with yours at the end of the ballet lesson, with a Sad face.
i had an acquaintance who just woudl ask her dd to ask mine, actually on the day,so no get out clause at all. >

AlanMoore · 09/02/2013 09:49

Omfg what a piece of work! Well done OP :)

If someone failed to collect their kid & was uncontactable for 3.5 hours I would ring the police, I would never leave my kids longer than I said I would without at least phoning very apologetic and would assume other parent had been in a RTC or something!

AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 09/02/2013 09:51

Hmm What a piece of work! You've acted amazingly - hope DH just gives her a big smile at ballet.

SPBInDisguise · 09/02/2013 09:52

I agree that no matter how much your thumbs are itching (and mine would be driving me mad) the grown up thing now is not t reply. Also agree with thumbwitch, make sure your dd isnt dragged into this.
Well done op!

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 09/02/2013 09:52

Well done & your DP is lovely :)

SPBInDisguise · 09/02/2013 09:53

Her text to you was PA. Yours to her was the model of assertiveness :)

Schlock · 09/02/2013 09:55

What time does the class start/finish so I know when to check the thread please thank you :-D

Mimishimi · 09/02/2013 09:57

Oh how very unhelpful of you OP. Wink Not agreeing to take her DD on a Saturday so that she can swan off to a long lunch or maybe even the theatre with her DH. I would ignore her text but if I knew X's number, I might just give her a head's up on what happened to you last time and that dancemum plans to ask her this morning. Grin Don't block dancemum's number though because then we won't have more entertaining threads like this one. Like ZZZ, I think she fully intends to ask you again because even though you've been sohorridly selfish today, perhaps you won't be next time.

SPBInDisguise · 09/02/2013 09:57

I'll search all the OP's previous postings to work out roughly where she lives then ring round all the dance classes in the area to ask whether they teach a girl whose mum wears the MN scarf.
when normal MNing becomes stalkery

BinarySolo · 09/02/2013 10:08

4am? The woman's unhinged.

Hissy · 09/02/2013 10:09

There's a SCARF??? Shock

We need a link, reference, pics...

showtunesgirl · 09/02/2013 10:12

Ooh I love a good scrap. My DD is only 14 months so I have all this to look forward to...

SPBInDisguise · 09/02/2013 10:13

I actually have no idea. Just heard the MN royalty talking about it :)

Snazzynewyear · 09/02/2013 10:14

Definitely right not to text back now. Poor X!

thesnootyfox · 09/02/2013 10:16

I have a friend like this. Received a text along the lines of :

"I know this is a bit of a cheek but would it be ok if you have Freddie on Saturday, you can take him after football and I will collect him about 6."

Me - "Sorry I'm not free on Saturday. Are you planning on going somewhere nice?"

Friend - "No plans as such. Freddie just said he wants to spend Saturday at your house."

Me - "That's a shame as Saturday isn't convenient. Would Freddie like to come over during half term?"

Friend - "He specifically said he wants to come over to your house on Saturday. Not half term. What are your plans? Can he not just tag along with you?"

Me - "I'm getting my hair cut, then we are going food shopping and to B&Q. Nothing terribly exciting. Sorry can't help. Let me know if he wants to come over during half term."

Friend - "Are you sure that you can't rearrange your shopping for Sunday? As you know we really don't like to say no unless we absolutely have to. It can be damaging to a child's self esteem if they are given negative messages all the time. You know what we are like!"

Me- "I didn't read that book and I have absolutely no qualms in saying no to a 9 year old. In fact it's my favourite word". xxx

There have been lots of occasions when friends refusal to say "no" to Freddie has caused problems and upset our children/other people's children.

Original poster
stormforce10 · 09/02/2013 10:16

Ok for all those waiting for an update. DD class is over. Partymum's dd wasn't even at ballet this morning. DP saw X and asked about it and she had had a text (at 4.30am it woke her up!!!!) and texted back that she was busy today.She is now she's invited dd round to play with her dd and dp will pick her up at 3.30pm 12.30

Why partymum's dd was not at ballet is anybody's guess. Perhaps her mum slept through the alarm clock after a busy nights texting?

OP posts:
NotALondoner · 09/02/2013 10:18

That was the text we would all like to send, OP!

Original poster
stormforce10 · 09/02/2013 10:19

Damn you snootyfox I just spilt coffee all over my clean jeans I was laughing so much. Damaging to self esteem Shock - more like Freddie is a spoilt brat

OP posts:
SPBInDisguise · 09/02/2013 10:19

snootyfox Shock
amd OP am I right in thinking that X caved? After being texted in the middle of the night???