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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

504 replies

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 12:16

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

OP posts:
Doogle2 · 09/02/2013 08:53

I had bets on that she would apologise! I agree, don't text back and try to distance yourself. This woman clearly doesn't see anything from another point of view, only hers. Well done Smile

Pagwatch · 09/02/2013 08:54

I agree. Don't interact anymore.

(although "ok. Good luck with that" would have tempted me Grin )

girlsyearapart · 09/02/2013 08:55

Yes ignore & take the high ground.

SpringBulbs · 09/02/2013 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SetFiretotheRain · 09/02/2013 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jules666 · 09/02/2013 08:58

This woman is unbelievable. Not even to apologise for previously leaving her child for hours after it was pointed out to her this is why you won't help her now.

She's obviously realised she's burnt her bridges so can't see the point of apologising but to then send you a passive aggressive text. What a cow.

SpringBulbs · 09/02/2013 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjolinaJolie · 09/02/2013 09:00

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

The woman is a total loon.

EggRules · 09/02/2013 09:01

Shock at the sense of entitlement.

christmasmum · 09/02/2013 09:02

Blindly, just read this whole thread in shock! How odd are some people?? I almost had a panic attack when I got caught up in roadworks and ended up 4 minutes late picking my kids up from their childminder! Good on you for being so assertive.

christmasmum · 09/02/2013 09:02

Blimey, not blindly...

HecateWhoopass · 09/02/2013 09:02

mardy bugger, isn't she?

Probably sulking about that all night. Convincing herself you are really mean and unreasonable and - well - "You're so mean, how can't you understand, you're so selfish (4/1)! Grin

I'd probably text back. Let's hope she will be. Remember not to take the piss, eh?

But don't do that. That's not helpful. Grin The grown up thing to do would be to just ignore the text.

She'll never admit she was in the wrong. She needs you to be the bad guy because she won't want to accept she took the piss.

If she tries to drag other people into it - put them straight.

NotADragonOfSoup · 09/02/2013 09:04

As a lone parent, I have had the one child has a party scenario many times. The others simply had to suck it up - often they whined, but the result was the same: they sat in a corner with DSs or played if appropriate (although I fed them myself)

SilverSky · 09/02/2013 09:05

Crafty cow! Partic the "hopefully X will be more helpful". More emotional shite. But most importantly still no bloody apology!

You did the right thing and I don't think she will ask you again. Result.

Tee2072 · 09/02/2013 09:06

Well, done OP. Next time, start with your final answer and stop the drama before it starts.

What cheek some people have.

They found the centre of the universe. She isn't it.

hermioneweasley · 09/02/2013 09:06

Can't wait to hear what happened at dance class!

NotADragonOfSoup · 09/02/2013 09:06

Do you know X? I would be so tempted to text her later and ask whether Y managed to pick her DD up on time... probably wouldn't though as in real life I am very non-confrontational.

Sugarice · 09/02/2013 09:09

Cheeky mare! 'maybe x will be more helpful' Hmm

I wouldn't text her back either, leave it and have your answers ready when she tries it on again as clearly she has no self awareness at all!

mumzy · 09/02/2013 09:12

Don't feel bad OP you did the right thing. Sometimes in life you have to do these things otherwise some people will walk all over you and you will feel even worst. In my circle I know of 2 mums who will always try and offload their dcs onto anyone who will take them and then complain if they get a bump or bruise. I've learnt to be polite with them but keep my distance. If you see her in dance or school say hello then walk on by, let the girls develop their own friendship in class but I wouldn't be facilitating it with playdates etc

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 09/02/2013 09:12

Another one agreeing with you not texting back.

Pag very tempting Grin

DeafLeopard · 09/02/2013 09:12

Wow that other woman is a terrible selfish user. I would distance myself big time OP.

difficultpickle · 09/02/2013 09:20

The next time you see her she will say that "the 3.5 hours incident was some months ago and you didn't seem that bothered at the time so I thought you weren't bothered I was a bit late." She will also bad mouth you to all the other parents at dance class.

We had someone like this in ds's class. Her dc had mild special needs so not really the sort of child you could drop and run at parties. Yet she always did it, even when her dc was 4 and it was the first party in the school year and no one knew each other (every other parent stayed). She also would drop off so quickly that no one managed to get her contact details at any party her dc attended. Her dc was always the child that got upset and needed comforting. Even though she was told when she collected she never ever stayed at any party for the four years ds was at the school. She would also complain that her dc was never invited on playdates and didn't seem to understand that her behaviour was the reason why.

ZZZenAgain · 09/02/2013 09:24

ooh. I like the way she left it open, "thanks for letting me know that you can't help TODAY" means but I'll get back to you again another time. And also the slap: hopefully X will be more helpful.

Well, you know you did the right thing now. She doesn't really consider the other person who she is asking to help her out. That person is just a convenience. Don't respond at all. I think in future just don't respond to her texts for help.

How are you going to handle it next time you see her?

Thumbwitch · 09/02/2013 09:26

I have one concern, that has only just crossed my mind - because she IS so manipulative and a user, she might choose to pay you back through your DD, by telling her DD that your DD's mummy [you] doesn't want your DD to be friends with her any more. I'm probably reading too much into it, but I wouldn't put it past her...
So, just see how your DD says her friend was towards her.

Cortana · 09/02/2013 09:30

You're on the high ground here Stormforce, plus as your example shows it's not like you don't help out when needed! 5 hours extra to help another grateful Mum, said it before but you are not unreasonable.

Also, much love for keeping us updated. I gave up my Saturday morning lie in the check this thread. Grin