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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

504 replies

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 12:16

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

OP posts:
WeAreEternal · 09/02/2013 03:43

We have a mum like this in DS's class.
She lives just around the corner from me ( we walk past her house on the way to/from school)

Sometimes if we are leaving/walking at the same time we will walk together and make small talk.
After a few months it seemed as if she was waiting for me (looking out for us) in order to walk together.

Then in november she came out one morning complaining that she was unwell and had been up all night vomiting, and asked if I would mind walking her DS to school. I agreed and we exchanged numbers so that I could give her a quick text just to let her know that he had go into school ok.

Biggest mistake EVER.

Most morning she will now try to send her dd off after me and DS, often coming outside in her pjs claiming that her alarm hadn't gone off and that if she got ready to take her she would be late for school.
We have actually started walking a different way on a morning because I for so sick of it.

By far the worst as the texts 10 minutes before pick up time, "I'm running late and I don't think I'll get to school in time, can you get dd for me?" or "I have an emergancy, would you be able to walk DD home please?" or "can you walk home with dd please, I'm stuck at home and I don't really feel comfortable with her walking on her own"

The girl is 5/6, and lives on a busy road. There is no way she could walk the 15 minute journey alone, you have to cross at least 5 roads.
Her mother is a nightmare.
I just ignore the texts and pretend I haven't seen them.
It's funny because no matter what her excuse is she always managed to overcome it and get to school in the end.

MerryCouthyMows · 09/02/2013 03:47

Grin Having read the rest of the thread, this woman was never going to get a gentle hint, was she?!

I think your final text was spot on tbh. Can't wait to see what happens at ballet drop off and pick up!

yelpol · 09/02/2013 04:59

.

PebblePots · 09/02/2013 05:14

.

trixymalixy · 09/02/2013 05:48

Wow, the cheek of the woman to keep asking after you have said no! Well done, I probably would have caved, but I'm a sucker.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 09/02/2013 06:05

I can't believe these cheeky people, I know someone left with a child all day after a morning play date, ended up still there at tea time!

beeny · 09/02/2013 06:06

well done marking my place

GlaikitFizzog · 09/02/2013 06:08

Morning Brew, hope you have a better nights sleep with DSs teething op!

Jacksmania · 09/02/2013 06:14

OK, I have to go to bed now (it's 10:15 pm here) but will be checking in for an update in the a.m. :o

MortifiedAdams · 09/02/2013 06:24

Good on you OP for standing firm. The gall.of her to keep hounding you liie that!

Imaginethat · 09/02/2013 06:29

I whooped with excitement when I read your latest text, well done! Shame to be pushed to that though, I hate that feeling.

I had a weird situation recently when I picked up several messages from a woman I know saying she needed an "urgent favour". As she is known for such needs, I ignored and continued with my afternoon of pick ups/drop offs/dinner time etc. as we sat at the dining table we heard a knock on the door. It had to e her and I was determined not to budge so I told the kids it was probably a Vodafone salesman and we were going to ignore.
Undetected, she came round the side of the house and hammered on the glass doors. And there she was with a huge pile of washing in her arms saying her iron wasn't working and she urgently needed to use mine.
I did let her in and to use the iron, but we carried on with dinner and talking amongst ourselves, and I then packed the kids in the car to take them to their gym class, leaving her and the bloody iron behind.

Imaginethat · 09/02/2013 06:31

Undeterred (not undetected)

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 09/02/2013 06:32

There are only so many time you can say no politely, seriously don't feel bad.

McKayz · 09/02/2013 07:15

Bloody hell Imagine. I wouldn't have let her in.

Bumbolina · 09/02/2013 07:33

All I have in my head is the episode of outnumbered!

CheddarGorgeous · 09/02/2013 07:37

shamelessly marking place.

Well done OP Grin

fryingpantoface · 09/02/2013 07:44

Good for you! Awaiting the update

MoleyMick · 09/02/2013 07:57

Good for you op! (Also shamelessly marking place)

DuchessFanny · 09/02/2013 08:05

Can't wait to hear the cheeky caaaah's response .....

whatsleep · 09/02/2013 08:06

Well done Storm.....wonder if pushy mum will have the balls to turn up at the dance class. One of the playground mums at our school used to constantly text and phone constantly asking favours, she lived literally 60 seconds from the school gate but had every excuse in the book as to why she couldn't pick up her DD, took weeks of ignoring texts and calls before she moved her attention onto someone else....they are a breed of their own!

MrsMangoBiscuit · 09/02/2013 08:10

I read your thread last time and both DH and I thought she was a rude mare. I've been following this one too, just read out your final response to DH and we both cheered! People like her usually don't give up until they've been stood up to. Being polite doesn't work as they're not polite themselves. Well done for standing up to her OP.

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning · 09/02/2013 08:11

I agree you have to be pretty firm about things with that sort of person. When I first encountered ours you could almost see the glint in her eyes as she realised she'd found another sucker to play the game with.

Then another mum tipped me off and said, tbh she's done it to all of us, you have to keep making excuses or she will really do one on you.

And as scary as it was, I started saying no, and she moved on to someone else.
I just can't be doing wih emotionally manipulative people, especially ones who use their children to do it. It's designed to make you feel unreasonable and unkind.

It's proper passive aggression.

shemademedoit · 09/02/2013 08:15

I'm stunned but not surprised that she hasn't bothered to answer your last text with at least a ' Blush I'm so sorry'

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning · 09/02/2013 08:17

I think they might do it because as children they learned that manipulation was the only way to get what they needed.

And then they grow up resenting everyone or making them be responsible for their own lives/children/issues.

The one I know almost always seems to be tryingto get away from the children - almost like it gives her the fear to be stuck with them, there's always an excuse to go out, or do something grown up instead, to prove that she is still able to escape - iykwim?

like, you'll hear she has an emergency and someone SHE has asked to have the kids, but can't, will then ask you to, and even if you say you can't, someone else will have to cancel their plans to do it or the poor little things won't have anyone to look after them.

And then you see her out jogging!!! And she jogs past you and pretends not to have seen you. It's just so, so selfish. I have to put it down to some internal fear they have, like a compulsion, or I couldn't forgive it. Normally they can be such nice people.

(this is the one who left my child alone while she went out for half an hour)(without telling me)

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning · 09/02/2013 08:17

resenting everyone for