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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

504 replies

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 12:16

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

OP posts:
diamondee · 08/02/2013 20:10

Well done you for not backing down

FryOneFatManic · 08/02/2013 21:33

I've just read this thread and my jaw dropped to the floor when I read what that mum had texted. Well done for that response, might be a good idea for your DH to warn the dance teacher that he is not collecting this child.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 08/02/2013 21:58

Well done OP :o :o

LemonBreeland · 08/02/2013 22:42

Just read this thread. Wow she is seriously rude! She really was not taking the hint was she.

Loving Hecates book. Grin

Mimishimi · 08/02/2013 22:49

YANBU. So much so that I really would come up with other plans if I were you. If you do take her DD, it's highly likely she will stay at the party or do the same thing with her husband again (since both kids are taken care of).

OpheliaBumps · 08/02/2013 22:59

Wow she's unbelievable, well done OP!

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 08/02/2013 23:10

Well done OP!

I have come across a couple of mums who are pushy like the woman you know, and I often wonder what possesses someone to be like that. Is it that they were spoilt as children and want to be spoilt in adulthood? Do they just lack social awareness and lack respect for other peoples' boundaries? I really am intrigued. There is a woman at my DCs school who is constantly a forcing others to look after her child arranging playdates for her DD at other peoples' houses. She is very forceful and pushy, and lots of people complain about her but very few ever say no to her.

Mimishimi · 08/02/2013 23:17

OK, having now read the rest of the thread ... Woo hoo! That is exactly what you needed to text her and why she has not replied. She will doubtless move onto someone else now. Haven't had your exact situation but similar years ago when DD1 was little where people I only barely knew were asking me to look after their kids because at the time I was home and obviously had nothing better to do with my time than take care of their childcare emergencies. ConfusedThey were always on time picking up though so it probably went on longer than it should have - I was also more 'helpful' when I was younger. They even referred their friends whom I knew from Jack! It all came to a nasty head when they begged me to look after their sick child. I wish I had responded like you though, would have been very satisfying but that was in the days before text and I don't think I could have mustered the courage over the phone. Of course, they completely blanked me out after that ...

EduCated · 08/02/2013 23:19

Marking my place for the fireworks any further developments. Good work, OP Grin

ZacharyQuack · 08/02/2013 23:26
NopeStillNothing · 08/02/2013 23:30

People aren't really like that though are they?! Like, not in RL Shock

Mimishimi · 08/02/2013 23:45

Nope: Do you really need to ask if some people are just users? Grin

Thumbwitch · 09/02/2013 00:20

stormforce, you are an absolute star! Well done for not backing down, and for giving it to her with both barrels. Chances are she never even realises how rude she is being because no one tells her (she obviously can't work it out for herself!) so it's a good wake up for her.

Glad your DP is helping out by taking your DD to dancing tomorrow though, that will save a lot of bother.

Can't believe the utter gall of the woman, to have told her DD something would happen when she'd already been told herself that it wouldn't - that's just evilly manipulative.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 09/02/2013 01:01

Nope presumably the OP lives in RL Grin

Well done stormforce

chipmonkey · 09/02/2013 01:11

Well done stormforce! You have all the courage I lack!

JaneLane · 09/02/2013 01:12

Well done stormforce!

I actually did a little victory dance around my bed when I read the text you sent back with ensuing strange looks from my DH...

KatieMiddleton · 09/02/2013 01:26

My money's on mrs OverEntitled throwing some passive aggressive guilt tripling about the op's massive over reaction to a non-event that happened ages ago and it isn't fair to punish the children now.

Good luck op

KatieMiddleton · 09/02/2013 01:26
oohnewshoes · 09/02/2013 01:45

Well done opmarks place

GiraffesEatPineapples · 09/02/2013 02:24

she sounds like the take advantage friend in outnumbered....

Jacksmania · 09/02/2013 02:43

Another blatant lurker here. There's got to be another instalment to this. No way TerribleCuntMum#2 is going to let this go.

Astelia · 09/02/2013 02:54

Well done OP, and make sure DH knows the full story and doesn't get lumbered.

Mimishimi · 09/02/2013 03:13

Ahh yes, I am fully expecting that we will hear a tale from the OP tomorrow about how dancemum laid it on thick and heavy, batting eyelashes and all, for her DH to take the DD anyway Grin. What Outnumbered episode was the 'take advantage' friend in?

MerryCouthyMows · 09/02/2013 03:29

Is there any particular reason she can't take her DS to the party while she has her DD? As a Lone Parent to 4 DC's, I fail to see why she can't take her DS, drop him off, and then pick him up after the party? Is he under 4yo? If he is, and she would have to stay, why on earth can't she ring the party host and ask if it ok to bring her DD? If it is in one of those soft play places, she can take her DD anyway and just pay the usual entry price and buy her DD some food while the DS is having party food, surely? It's what I have to do.

Next weekend, I have to get DS2 & DS3 ready and out of the house by 8am in order to catch 2 buses to get DS1 to a party. It didn't even cross my mind to ask anyone else to look after them. It's just what you do?!

Mimishimi · 09/02/2013 03:42

And I've never been to a toddler party which my older DD did not enjoy. Even now at twelve years.Chips, fairy bread, cupcakes and sweets. Ptobably older siblings whom she can chat with. What's not to like when you are barely out of early childhood yourself? It's fairly clear dancemum wants to dump both children onto other parents for Saturday afternoon for which "we'd be so grateful". Humph!