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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my eleven month old get up at 9.30pm for a play downstairs

67 replies

KD0706 · 07/02/2013 13:25

So, DD has always been a great sleeper. She settled at 7pm, woke once or twice in the night for a feed and slept till 7.30-8ish.

But the past month or so, she's still been settling well at 7pm, but waking at 9.30-10ish and taking 1-1 1/2 hours to settle back to sleep.

Last night, fed up of pacing my bedroom floor for an hour each evening, I brought her downstairs. She had a little play, we had a little cuddle. Then I took her upstairs at about 11pm, gave her a feed and she slept through till 5.30am.

Best nights sleep I've had in weeks (since she's been unsettled in the evenings she's also been waking lots in the night).

So, thoughts on whether it's just mental to let her play at this time of night in exchange for a decent nights sleep. (I'm also considering giving her porridge or similar at this time to see if I can get even longer sleep out of her)

OP posts:
Original poster
KD0706 · 07/02/2013 13:28

Also, when she woke at 5.30 she had a little feed and then back to sleep till 8am

OP posts:
BelleEtLaBaby · 07/02/2013 13:40

I did this frequently with ds at that age. I just couldn't see the point in wrestling him into bed for 2 hours. He was still tiny, couldn't sleep and I figured better to play/stimulate/cuddle than make bedtimes a stressful battle-y time.

He's 22mo now. Sleeps like a teenager log and will ask for bedtime if he thinks we are too late! Do what you think is best, enjoy that time with your baby. :)

Yanbu :)

rainbow2000 · 07/02/2013 15:14

I used to do this it was my exscuse to raid the fridge as i was constantly hungry,Better than waking everyone else up as well

spanky2 · 07/02/2013 15:26

You will end up with a child who will carry on doing this at any time of the night and you will be exhausted from the constant amount of entertaining during the night and. Bedtime is bedtime . Fun at first but when they are 7 and you are entertaining at 2am will you still want to do it?

Kiwiinkits · 07/02/2013 15:30

I don't think it would set you up well for good long term sleep patterns, and I think you instinctively know that, which is why you posted.

It's possible she's getting too much sleep in the day time if she's waking at 9.30. What's her daytime nap routine?

Kiwiinkits · 07/02/2013 15:33

By the way, young children get their deepest sleep between 8.30 and 10.30pm, which is why it's important to get them to bed before 7.30pm; 7pm is a good time to aim for.
If you put her to bed at 7pm then it's a good idea to get her up before 7.30am. By lettting her sleep in till 8am, 8.30am you're effectively robbing her nightime sleep with daytime sleep.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 07/02/2013 15:42

have you tried putting her to bed at 7.30 - 8.00pm after a late supper to see what happens?

Original poster
KD0706 · 07/02/2013 16:37

Re naps - on a good day she has one two hour nap (roughly 12-2). On a bad day two half hour naps, one am and one pm

Since she's been sleeping poorly, she has been waking for the day at 6.30-7 ish. When she was sleeping in till 8am, that was back when she was settled at night.

I wouldn't consider this if it was 2am that she wanted to 'party'. It's be ause it's roughly sociable hours and might mean that I get some sleep at night, that I'm considering it.

I know getting her up is wrong per baby books. But I'm torn as my DD1 was a bad sleeper and I persisted for a long time with the 7-7 routine. Only when I started putting her to bed at 9pm did she start sleeping through the night. She used to sleep 9-8.30 but now at almost 3 sleeps 7.30-7.30.

I don't think putting this dd to bed later would work though as she really is ready for her bed by 7. Sometimes she's even in bed at 6.30 if she's particularly sleepy.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 07/02/2013 16:44

Kiwiinkits Have you got some links to studies or evidence for that?

BelleEtLaBaby · 07/02/2013 17:10

Babies don't read the books. Or tell the time :)

BelleEtLaBaby · 07/02/2013 17:11

;)

Tensixtysix · 07/02/2013 17:15

I don't know why people are obsessed with putting babies and young children to bed at 7pm. My husband never got home until 7pm so naturally we kept the kids up until 9pm (when babies and toddlers under 4yrs old) and then they would sleep right until 8am.

Original poster
KD0706 · 07/02/2013 18:01

Hmm...
Thanks for everybody's thoughts. I think I might try letting her get up again this evening. And see how tonight goes.

We are going to PiLs this weekend. Apparently DH and all his siblings slept through 7-7 with no feeds, illnesses, teething etc from three months. So I'm not sure what mil will make of baby reappearing at 10pm!!

OP posts:
Original poster
KD0706 · 07/02/2013 18:02

The thing that does reassure me is that DD1 is now a super sleeper despite my disregard of baby books (eventually) with her.

And my firm belief that everything babies do is a phase!

OP posts:
mum23girlys · 07/02/2013 18:15

Hi KD07 my youngest dd does this every time she's teething. Always has. Took a good few teeth till we worked it out. We've always just let her get back up as as soon as the tooth is through she goes back to normal. She's 2 now and unless poorly she sleeps 730 til 730 every night. Recently she's had 3 ear infections back to back so has been waking in pain through the night. But slept all last night so fingers crossed.

I also had a similar problem with dd1 and now at 7 I can report there have been no long lasting effects.

I hope your little one is back to her usual soon Smile

DumSpiroSpero · 07/02/2013 19:06

You know your baby, and your own limits, better than anyone so if you think it'll work for you, give it a try.

FWIW my DD has always been an erratic sleeper (as am I so no surprise there!). We have always been very laid back about her coming downstairs or getting into bed with us. She is now 8 and sleeps through in her own bed 99% of the time.

We might just be lucky but I honestly don't think the 'making a rod for your own back' school of thought is always helpful tbh.

DoJo · 07/02/2013 19:37

I do the same - why waste an hour and a half trying to get an unhappy baby back into bed when you could have a happy baby playing downstairs and be enjoying some time together? My son's sleep patterns are shot after three months of illness followed by monster teething, and I'm buggered if I'm going to let him cry and wail upstairs when a bit of distraction downstairs will sort him out until he falls asleep again. Apart from anything, I nearly fell asleep standing up with him the other night which was a first, so I'm keen to avoid that too.

However, I too would be interested in seeing the research about babies sleeping best between certain times - a quick google hasn't revealed any research on it, but if I'm doing it all wrong then I would love to know the science behind the slacking! Plus it might make me feel more inclined to persevere with the hated pacing up and down the bedroom...

Startail · 07/02/2013 19:45

DD1 would never go to bed before 8-8.15 pm then she slept.

Any earlier and she was revolting and still fighting sleep at 9.30-10pm.

I am a firm believer in not trying to fight DCs to sleep, like food, you will lose.

If getting your DD up feeding her and then allowing her 30 minutes or so of quiet boring play gets her to sleep through do it.

But do be boring, I have been known to watch question time with the subtitles on.

If she sees grown ups aren't doing anything exciting when she's asleep she'll soon decide she's tied and go back to bed.

Beveridge · 07/02/2013 19:45

I have too much on my sky plus that needs watching to spend hours upstairs in darkened rooms this time round with DC2.

This too shall pass...

MrsHerculePoirot · 07/02/2013 19:45

We used to. DD was a good ish sleeper -generally 7-7 t least each night. She went through a phase of waking up about 9-10 each night ad we spent about 3/4 nights in her room, in the dark battling with getting her back to bed. She was crying a massive amount, we were getting frustrated and upset too. One night we just instead brought her downstairs (so we could watch strictly!!!) and she played for half an hour, and happily went back to bed after her usually routine of grobag on and then book. We did this for about three nights and then she stopped waking, it was definitely less stressful for her and us.

fluffyraggies · 07/02/2013 19:48

If it was me i'd try waking her a little earlier in the morning (i know, i know) to 'push the day' round a bit for her - maybe just a little later nap time during the day then, and a little later bed time. Might be just enough to get one long sleep :)

Does that make any sense? lol

Original poster
KD0706 · 07/02/2013 19:56

But fluffy she's waking at 6.30 ish at the moment. After a disturbed nights sleep!!! [wails]. I just can't get up earlier. Nooooo.

OP posts:
Original poster
KD0706 · 07/02/2013 19:57

I am heartened to hear other laissez faire parents out there

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 07/02/2013 20:08

Sorry OP, i had it in my head that she rose at 7, 7.30ish. My mistake :)

Yep, not allot you can do at the beginning of the day then. I would just be wary of setting a pattern of going to bed and getting up again.

My holy grail was an unbroken nights sleep (even if that was 8pm till 5am!) and i remember moving heaven and earth and shuffling getting up times and nap times and bed times around until we damn well got there Grin

Kiwiinkits · 07/02/2013 20:10

oh well KD0706, do whatever you're comfortable with. If you're happy to say bye bye to your movie on the couch, reading a book in bed, having sex, go for it.

FWIW I do think that getting her up near to 7am, having a structured nap after lunch, and a 7pm bedtime will be better in the long run but I'm not the one making the decision, you are. So go for it.