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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to set fire to my house

91 replies

Ashoething · 06/02/2013 10:13

Warning this is more of a rant so feel free to ignore-

I fucking HATE our home. It was a dump when we moved in and after 10 years of neglect it is a hovel. The kitchen,bathroom and pretty much everywhere else is falling to bits. I am not talking about something a lick of paint would fix either-there are huge holes in ceiling,no doors on kitchen cupboards,boiler knackered,manky 30 year old carpets etc.

The latest is that we have no lights in the bathroom. The ceiling has been falling down for years and has now caused the electrics to go.

Dh says he cant afford repairs/new kitchen bathroom. His solution is to get a builder round to do a patch up job on the ceiling.

I just want to set fire to this house as I HATE it so much!! My dcs hate it too as I never let then have friends round as am embaressed at the state of it.

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

OP posts:
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 06/02/2013 10:15

Why did you neglect it for 10years? Or did this happen before you moved in?

valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 10:16

Any home will be a dump if neglected for 10 years. Homes need a lot of work to keep them up to scratch.

Why can't the ceiling be patched?

Paint is fantastic at transformimg a room.

Kids who visit aren't interested in the state of your house, they want to play with your dcs.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/02/2013 10:20

Sounds like you need to work out what is the most urgent/important job to be done and start saving. Pick one room... sounds like the bathroom... and make a plan how you're going to find the cash and get the work done. Cupboard doors are pretty cheap and easy to replace in the meantime. How are you with a screwdriver?

cantspel · 06/02/2013 10:22

You could tart it up quite cheaply with a bit of paint and paper.

Get the ceiling patched and if it still looks bad paper and paint it.
No doors on your kitchen units and you cant afford to replace then make curtains and hang across on curtain wire.

Clean the carpets and buy a couple of cheap rugs. Places like poundstreatcher sell them for about a tenner.

You will have to pay out for a electrician to sort your lights and an old boiler probably needs a service which you cant do yourself.

mummymeister · 06/02/2013 10:22

why? lack of funds, enthusiasm, dont like the area? do you own or rent? if you own then this is the single biggest investment that you have and you need to do something about it if only to get a good price so you can move to somewhere you dont want to burn down.

Lovelygoldboots · 06/02/2013 10:23

Focus on one thing at a time. Definately sort out bathroom ceiling. Make sure electrics in ceiling are ok. You might be able to get hold of some second hand carpet. My house is a bit disheveled. You can't do it all in one go. I still have kids friends round and some of their friends live in really lovely houses. Just do your best to keep it as clean as you can.

Original poster
Ashoething · 06/02/2013 10:24

The dcs wont be interested but the parents that come to pick them up certainly will!

It has been neglected for 10 years because my dh says he has no money to pay for repairs/redecoration. Yet I see friends who I know dont earn as much as us getting new kitchens/bathrooms/boilers etc.

To clarify-dh works and earns around 45 grand and I am sahm to 3 dcs. Dh controls the finances so I am unable to just phone a builder up to sort the house.

To answer another question-yes the ceiling probably could be "patched" up but thats not really the point-about 50% of the bathroom tiles have fallen off and are so old they wont stay on anymore,had the same sticky old carpet-yes carpet!-for 10 years!! The bath has leaked for 10 years and it is a miracle it hasnt come through the ceiling yet!!

We need to sort this house out or fucking get rid not just try and bloody patch it up!! Sorry but I did warn that this was a RANT!!!!!!

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 06/02/2013 10:24

"Dh says he can't afford it" - does only he have access to the accounts, then? I mean, can you or can't you afford it - is he right or being stingy?

valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 10:26

Your house is the least of your problems if you seriously can't ring a workman/organise the work to be done/DIY.

Isildur · 06/02/2013 10:26

But if you are in a position to own a house, surely you could have bought a carpet and Ikea cupboards at some point over ten years?

Do you own the house jointly with your DH? Can you not get a job, PT, anything, so that you don't lose a load of money on this house?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 06/02/2013 10:26

Cross-post. Seriously? Seriously, your husband "controls the finances" so you aren't allowed to phone a builder, and you think the house is the main issue?

You know that's not normal, right? That you have no say over the finances?

Lovelygoldboots · 06/02/2013 10:28

Well DH is being an arsehole. Feel free to rant.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/02/2013 10:28

"Dh controls the finances "

This is the real problem. Where does the money go? Who decides the priorities? Why are you supposed to live in squalor? Why is he in control of the cash? .... This is why it is such a bad idea to ever make yourself financially reliant on someone else. I think your problems go a lot further than holes in the ceiling.

Original poster
Ashoething · 06/02/2013 10:28

Yes-dh has the attitude that his money is "his". He is terrible with money though and we have debts but I still think we could find the cash for a new bathroom/kitchen.

I am shit at diy but do try and do little things to make the place look better-put lots of photos up,buy cheap cushions,throws etc from places like primark. But the fact is the house desperately needed a new kitchen/bathroom at the very least when we moved in and that was 10 years ago!!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/02/2013 10:29

"Yes-dh has the attitude that his money is "his". "

LTB..... Seriously, all the time you are with this selfish man you will live in a hovel.

CartedOff · 06/02/2013 10:30

You really really need to take a look at your finances and see where money is going, what it's being spent on and how it's possible to not be able to take care of the house on £45,000 a year. It's an astronomically huge sum but there's no way that you can't afford basic repairs and new carpets on that amount.

Seriously, you've been spun a line by your husband. He's either putting it somewhere or spending it on himself, but something isn't right.

Original poster
Ashoething · 06/02/2013 10:30

Yes I know it is not right that dh controls the finances but I am working on that.

I need advice on how to make dh see that we really need to start trying to sort this house out or just try and get rid of it as it is.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 10:31

What does he say when you tell him it needs doing?

CabbageLooking · 06/02/2013 10:32

Ashoething "He is terrible with money though" - why on earth is he in charge of the finances then? I agree with Cogito - the house is the least of your problems.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/02/2013 10:33

You need far more advice than home improvement. You need a complete overhaul of your joint approach to finances and that means full disclosure of all your accounts, statements, spending and budgets. You need to urgently tackle the debts together by consulting something like CAB, and I think your SAHM status can't continue... you need money of your own and that's going to mean thinking about getting back to work.

almostanotherday · 06/02/2013 10:34

Pick a room as a starting point, go in there with a pen and paper and write down what you need to get it to how you want and then start looking at prices. once you have an idea on prices start looking at cheaper ways, if you can cut costs by doing some things yourself, do you have any friends that can do things a bit cheaper for you and don't forget freecycle and eBay. We were very lucky to be given a whole almost new bathroom suite via freecycle.

Lovelygoldboots · 06/02/2013 10:34

Most trades will quote for free. Organise one to come round when your DH is home. The boiler might be dangerous if not serviced. And electrics. Might make him buck his ideas up.

Original poster
Ashoething · 06/02/2013 10:35

Dh's answer to everything is next year-he has been saying "next year" for the last 11 years though! He keeps saying that he is going to teach himself diyHmm and sort the house himself-ha ha ha. He cant even put up a picture or curtain rail or flatpack-I do that!!

He is in charge of the money because as far as he is concerned he earns it so it is his.

Yes I know I have more problems than the state of my house but I am on here to rant about that because thats what I can deal with at the moment.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 06/02/2013 10:36

Everything Cogito said.

valiumredhead · 06/02/2013 10:36

Your house won't get fixed unless your relationship is fixed, goes hand in hand.

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