Apologies for another MIL related threat but I have no one rl to talk to about this. Bit of backstory first to hopefully shed a bit more light on the situation.
My MIL is generally ok and although we are very different people we have always gotten on reasonably well. My OH is a but of a mummy's boy & has always said MIL comes first in his life until we have DCs when it will be me & them. Oh & mil always spent a lot of time together before we got together (tea together at least once a week, shopping etc) & since moving in together I have encouraged oh to sometimes go without me as I know how much mil likes this (we do go as a family too).
In the last 18 months we have gotten engaged, found out I was pg a few days after engagement & had our lovely ds. MIL is very funny about people finding out things before her, people being more involved in stuff than she is & not behaving in a way she sees as appropriate (although this wasn't apparent before all this). Oh supports this & is very funny about mil being equal in everything with my mum. Oh is very squeamish so I had said I wanted him in labour room & my mum on standby if he was struggling (not definitely in the room but just as backup for him). Initially he was fine but later said that my mum wasn't coming in if his couldn't. We had a massive row about it but eventually he saw my pov & was ok with it (mil not, overheard her moaning to him about it when she thought I wasn't in).
In the first 4mths of ds life it was like oh was logging every minute of time my mum spent with ds to make sure she wasn't getting more time than mil. Making lots of comments like your mums been 2x this week so mil will have to come 4x next week to make up (she was on holiday at the time & my mum had literally popped in with gifts from family abroad & a pint of milk). The keeping score thing has eased off a little since then but not much.
What has really brought it all to a head for me was christmas (I know it was a while back). I'm on smp& had saved money for Xmas gifts, so had a set budget for everyone. Oh then decides to spend more of his own money on mil (fair enough, his cash) & spent most of December going on about getting mil a special charm from the baby as he thinks as grandma she should get something nice. I said it was a lovely idea but that I couldn't afford to do anything similar for my mum although she would love something like that. Come Xmas day & after we've exchanged gifts, oh decides to make a big show oh giving mil her gift from ds (everyone else's gifts were labelled from us as a family) & really laying on thick how we thought she should get a special gift from the baby. My poor mum is sitting there smiling while mil & oh are in raptures. I could tell she was upset but she didn't say anything. I was very upset (still am tbh, hence posting here). Oh didn't get me anything from ds (I didn't expect anything) but when he saw that he realised he had stuff from ds, he quickly pointed to one of his presents to me (that I had already opened & he had said were from him) & said "oh btw, that was from ds".
Aibu to want to say actually your everything has to equal rule is bs & I'm really pissed off?
There are other things that have lead to me feeling like this but you would be losing days of your life reading them.
I love my oh, he is a great dad & fiancé but I can't shake the upset tat this causes me. I've got horrendous pmt at the moment & I don't think it's helping. I am probably overreacting here but because I'm so emotional about it all I don't feel like I can look at it objectively.
I would like your perspective please mners, I can't talk to oh as he always thinks I am attacking mil & won't listen.
Thanks & well done if you got this far.
X