Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's up to mums to teach their boys that pubic hair on women is normal!?

296 replies

Uppatreecuppatea · 04/02/2013 21:55

I've read countless surveys and reports over the last few months that state that young men would be 'grossed out' if they went to bed with a woman and found that she had pubic hair.

They seem to think that all women either come hair free or should wax it all off.

I think a lot of this attitude comes down to them viewing porn where it's normal for a woman to have zero pubic hair and a neat little pudenda.

It's a worry. I quizzed the local boys who work in our pub and they all wax their chest and think pubic hair is disgusting on both men and women.

So glad I am married to a man who appreciates the 70's!

But what is in store for our young girls?

OP posts:
RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 05/02/2013 01:01

I don't think it's a question of pulling your kids to one side for an in depth analysis of pubic topiary, it's more a question of how you respond to off the cuff comments they make- agree with Sleepy wombat that there has been a sea change in the last decade or so. I'm actually pretty concerned about the culture my daughter is going to grow up in. I half hope she's butt ugly with an IQ of 160 so she'll realise she'll never meet the ideal so she can avoid all this shit and spend her life cracking cold fusion instead.

There's no point in thinking that women are not under pressure to conform to an ideal constructed by men which involves removal of natural hair growth from an increasing number of body parts. It's hardly a new idea. It's just that the ideal changes, and gets more high maintenance as we go along. Anyone who thinks the average man spends more time on grooming/appearance than the average women is delusional.

I just laugh when I hear people say "But I do it for me. It makes me feel better" Of course it makes you feel better. It makes you feel more accepted by society, more attractive to men, more envied by other women, but don't kid yourself that you're making that decision in a cultural vacuum.

I think the reason Ruskin got a little confused was that the prostitute/model's pubes had probably already fallen out because it's a common symptom of syphillis which was pretty much ubiquitous amongst sex workers at that time.

bootsycollins · 05/02/2013 01:11

Yeah women get pube envy bigtime Confused

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 05/02/2013 01:36

Bootsy You're deliberately missing my point. Women envy other women who are more attractive to men than they are because to most women, how attractive they are to men is extremely important, far more important than how important men feel it is to be attractive to women.

eg When they've done surveys that have asked people if they'd rather be rich and ugly, or poor and good looking, there is a massive gender divide over which way people choose- most women choose looks, most men choose wealth.

SolidSnake · 05/02/2013 01:38

A+ post RichMan

MyFace · 05/02/2013 02:06

This is all I have to say to anyone who cares...

ChestyLeRoux · 05/02/2013 07:20

I think some people are just more easily influenced.I dont shave me legs never have,and dont feel the need to.No one has ever commented in my whole life.My best friend is 21 and we go out all time, and its never been an issue when out either.

If you want to do these things fine, but if your a confident, well liked person then no one will comment.

LouMae · 05/02/2013 07:25

I'm part Greek and my hairs are very dark and I definitely get fair hair envy. There's no way I couldn't not shave my legs or underarms and show them in public, people would think I look like a gorilla. It's definitely harder for darker/hairier women in modern society.

bootsycollins · 05/02/2013 07:32

True RichMan true

catladycourtney1 · 05/02/2013 10:29

Richman I agree with what you're saying, but not that women are kidding themselves when they say they shave because they want to. Most things we do, we do because we want to be acceptable to society. Would you bother washing your dishes, washing your clothes, washing yourself if you lived in a "cultural vacuum?" Would you trim your nose hair, clean your ears out, or wear deodorant? Everyone feels more comfortable when they know they aren't being shunned or ridiculed. Of course, there are people who don't bother with these things, but whether you want to be one of them should be a personal choice.

And that's not to mention the fact that we are biologically programmed to want to be attractive to the opposite sex in order to ensure reproduction with the best partners. Of course, that hasn't always meant having to shave body hair, etc, but for a lot of people, it does now. The desire to conform to this doesn't make someone insecure, or a sheep, it gives them an evolutionary advantage.

MaryPoppinsMassiveSack · 05/02/2013 10:38

If full shaving / waxing is a problem then why not shape pubes into something interesting or funny. I made an Xmas tree recently and will be strimming them again shortly to bust out a full-on love heart. Come Easter I'll do a Cross before it's time to whip them all off for the summer.

I'm quite dark so the shaping thing can be more effective than with fair hair.

Startail · 05/02/2013 10:46

I don't think most boys would give a flying fuck what a girls private parts looked like.

Most boys are just unspeakably grateful a girl has let them get that far.

In my experience boys and young men may be big on bravo, but only a tiny number are actually good looking enough or confident enough to actually put preferences into practice.

The reality is that boys chase girls until they let them catch them.

mrsjay · 05/02/2013 10:48

I think you'll find that lack of pubic hair is very much a younger generational thing and is just as much a 'girl' thing as it is a 'boy' thing.

this it is more a personal preference than anything the hair removal industry is huge women shave their legs because they are not keen on it so why not their pubes, I have mine tidy Grin but it really is my own choice I think there is far too much interest in why people remove body hair,

Fairylea · 05/02/2013 10:50

I shave everything off. Even when I was single for years with no hope of anyone making a viewing of my fanjo I shaved it all. Because I want to. I like it. For the same reasons I shave my arm pits and shave my legs.

I have a ds and I will be teaching him that there's nothing wrong with having body hair as a woman, or not. It's personal choice.

fromparistoberlin · 05/02/2013 10:53

BOAK and again boak

thats just from the thread title

Saski · 05/02/2013 10:56

I think how you "style" your pubic hair is a personal choice.

To take a broader view on the OP's comment, I think it's a mother's responsibility (and father's as well) to ensure that her son has a healthy view on what constitutes a beautiful or desirable woman. I don't think that a boy of 18 preferring a bikini wax in and of itself means the mother has failed; you have to consider his views towards women in their entirety.

I hate all this post-feminist bullshit, anyway. Can we please bring back proper feminism? I weep for these young ladies.

Pendeen · 05/02/2013 10:57

I'm glad I have DD and not a boy, that would be a really embarrasing conversation.

mrsjay · 05/02/2013 10:58

I don't think that a boy of 18 preferring a bikini wax in and of itself means the mother has failed; you have to consider his views towards women in their entirety.

well said saski

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/02/2013 11:09

I was thinking about this last night - as another poster has said, if I sat my boys down to have an earnest discussion on pubic hair, they would run a mile, so I can't see myself bringing the subject up that way. However, it seems to me that a good way to tackle the topic is via discussion about pornography and why it is wrong and harmful - not only does it objectify women, and involve exploitation etc etc, but it also portrays and normalises a very unreal image of sex and women - "...for example, son, there's nothing wrong with having pubes, but porn makes every woman in it look like a barbie doll down there - which is not how things are..."

gotthemoononastick · 05/02/2013 11:11

sorry genuine question,remembering THE FULL SHAVE,for childbirth a hundred years ago...doesn't it itch madly ,regrowth etc.Saying that, they would have to put me in a leather strapped straitjacket for a HOT wax!!!!

MrsOakenshield · 05/02/2013 11:14

I have only ever attempted to shave everything off once. It was awful. I have a lot of hair, growing very close to sensitive bits, and wielding a razor that close to my clitoris was pretty scary. And the grow-back was awful, stubbly, pus-filled boils, itchy. Even doing a normal bikini line for swimming the grow-back is bad. Trimming my pubes made them really uncomfortable too, blunt ends that caught on my knickers and made me itch. Vile. So, I won't be doing that again. But I really hope this isn't the fashion when DD grows up, because I would hate to think of her being pressurised into something that, if she's like me, will be so horrible, by stupid, vacuous people, be it her peers or others. Yes, of course I will teach her to be herself, etc etc, but when you're a vulnerable teen (aren't they all?) trying to fit in, I don't know how much she'll hear it.

Fairylea · 05/02/2013 11:22

Re the regrowth ... I use swivel headed razors and shower gel and I've never had a problem, but I do shave most days so it never gets long enough to itch really!

I've never ever felt the need to do it for a man. My ex actually liked my pubic hair (!) And used to enjoy touching it... (tmi I know) and then ex after that wasn't bothered at all... and I had quite a bush!

I shaved it all off once as I was at home and had some teeny knickers I'd brought and didn't want anything on show as it were.. and I liked it so much I've kept it.

Strangely enough I always feel slightly embarrassed when I go for smears etc though as I'm not exactly young and I'd imagine they probably get a bit of a surprised that I'm completely bald down there.

I don't think men are as bothered by pubic hair as women think they are.

Saski · 05/02/2013 11:25

Eh. I'm not so quick to say that waxing is part of the problem. I think it goes along with a lot of things that are part of the problem, but I feel extremely uncomfortable in a bikini with hair exposed.

Once you're over the pain of waxing, it feels great.

I don't know where you can logically stop if you take exception with waxing on principle. There are beauty standards that really normal, well-adjusted women submit to & possibly even enjoy (I do).

But I can see how it's part of a bigger, troubling pattern.

MaryPoppinsMassiveSack · 05/02/2013 11:31

Me and the DH actually went to have a bikini / mankini wax together once. It was funny as hell. He is such a puss.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 05/02/2013 11:42

Oh No!
I was nursing a quiet crush on composhat anyway, but now I know he is a hairy 70's looking man and is "pro muff" I am actually smitten! Grin

IfNotNowThenWhen · 05/02/2013 11:45

I don't think they are either fairylea. My last bf did shave his bits, which i don't really like, but he didn't seem to care that I don't. When I asked him if all girls do it now , he shrugged and said "some do.". Really didn't seem bothered.