Private schools - want to shout IT'S NOT FAIR!

[Yermina]

Went to PIL last night and heard all about sil's children's school. One of her boys is already attending a fantastic private school. Just found out his two brothers have also got places at very good private schools.

In the mean time my dc's are in classes of 31 at the local state school. My youngest needs additional support (sn) but isn't statemented (diagnosed but no statement) so doesn't get it. SIL's middle child has got into a mainstream private school that has outstanding support for children with dyslexia, which he's been diagnosed with. And will be in classes of 18.

Our middle ds is musically talented but there is really poor provision for music teaching at his state school and very few children there are learning an instrument. We struggle to pay for music lessons for him outside school.

Is it wrong of me to feel eaten up with jealousy and anger at the unfairness of a school system which privileges the children of well-off people so openly and seemingly without anyone else seeing it as something that's wrong or deeply, deeply unfair?

How would you explain to a group of children: you lot over here will have XXXX spent on your education, and lots of opportunity to develop your talents, and you lot over there will have about half as much spent on you, and will have much less attention from the teacher because there'll be twice as many of you in the class. Oh, and you kids with sn or specific gifts - unless your parents have money, you probably won't get the help you need to thrive educationally.

I know it's the way the world is but at the moment I feel bitter about it. Really really bitter. And jealous

Every time I go to my PIL's and have to hear about all the amazing thing SIL's dcs are doing at their school, their academic achievements, I want to go home and hide under the duvet and cry.

We'll never, ever be able to afford private education. We'll never be able to afford to move to an area with really good state schools. We'll never be able to get our children into church schools as we're not church goers, and our local grammar schools (2) are bursting at the seams with children from the local private prep schools, who bus their students in to take the 11+ en mass.

It's just so fucking unfair. It really is. I just want to get that off my chest.

That is all.

Actually, a single mother on a low salary would be able to get a bursary if their child was bright enough. Very few people in that situation apply though which is sad.

The OPs household has too much income for a bursary and the cutoff point for that at my nearest indie day school is 60k. So they may not be badly off by any stretch of the imagination but they have chosen to have 3 dc which will automatically preclude all but the highest earners from private education.

Its the children who are below the poverty line who have no parental input at all that life is unfair for really. And thats even before you start talking about the life chances of the developing worlds children.

You are fucking kidding me

Why are you so convinced private will be better for your children? If your youngest needs special support they will be absolutely crucified by the other kids in a private environment. Kids are cruel, and bright kids are competitive and despise the less able. Also private schools aim to get top results, so any kid that may spoil their record is gently encouraged to leave.

I can afford to send my kids to private school (lucky me), but I won't be. They will attend the local primary, and secondary schools in the village. My husband an I are both products of state education. He has a top first from Cambridge, and I was top of my year (with a first) from a blue chip uni, have never had less than a grade A in any exam, and was a national prize winner in my professional exams.

Stop whinging about how unfair life is, and get a grip. Instil a strong work ethic in your children, so that they learn how to work for themselves. No one will spoon feed them in the work place, so self motivation will stand them in good stead for life. Teaching them that they should be handed everything on a plate, and to tantrum if they are not, will guarantee they never make anything of themselves.

What people don't seem to get is that you could ban private schools tomorrow and it wouldn't make any difference. People with money who care about their DCs education would set up 'home schooling' groups complete with fully qualified teachers. Or buy houses in the catchment of the best state schools sending prices rocketing and pushing everyone else out of the area. And they'd use tutors to fill any gaps. And those without the money who care would continue to do what they've always done - read with their DC from them being tiny, DIY tutor them at home and move to get the best state option.

I'm sorry, but that I cannot agree with "bright kids are competitive and despise the less able" - talk about a sweeping generalisation!

The children at DS's school have been nothing but welcoming and supportive - and he is well nigh bottom of the class in most subjects and has SEN. Children generally can be cruel, but to say its worse at private schools is daft

'Its the children who are below the poverty line who have no parental input at all that life is unfair for really'

Agreed. Parental involvement is the biggest factor in determining how well a child will do academically. And you can't make people care.

Grammar school entrance is so fiercely competitive around here - I know 5 children who've sat and not got in in the past two years, despite several years of tutoring, and despite being bright enough to have gone on to secure places at private schools which are considered some of the best in the UK.

Well OP maybe the point is not in the money then?

I understand where the OP is coming from but I don't think being eaten up with jelousy will help.
I also agree with the point made about parental involvement being the most important thing in a childs education.
I don't think the system is unfair, those that can afford to will always consider a private education as they see it as better. As for the music lessons, they are not automatically better quality because the teacher agrees to teach at their school. In fact you can often get the same teacher cheaper as the school charge more to parents to help fund buildings etc.

Would they really Narked?

The sort of changes that would need to happen in society for a situation where private schools might be banned, would mean that people with money might not be able purchase privilege.

"No one will spoon feed them in the work place, so self motivation will stand them in good stead for life."

This is very true I have heard many self starters say that businesses are littered with types who have absoluty no get up and go and are useless.

"crucified by the other kids in a private environment. Kids are cruel, and bright kids are competitive and despise the less able"

well isn't that a great endorsement of the divide and rule principle.

Narked is correct, there's no way that private school parents would just accept sending their kids to the roughest comprehensives in (for example) London if private schools were banned. They would start homeschooling, then start supplementing with tutors, and their friends would be doing the same, they would consolidate, and voila.

Ah yes, a good old MN private school bunfight. Haven't read the whole thread yet but has someone already suggested that you too could afford private school if only you gave up those foreign holidays and Marks & Sparks ready meals ?

FWIW OP, I agree with you. It's not fair and I suspect those saying it is are ones who have the ability to pay for private education or have managed to get their kids into good state schools.

And there was me wondering why Osborne and Cameron despised the poor and those with disabilities, they were born and educated to rule over those they despise.

My 2 are at state schools PessaryPam :)

There probably are some children at private schools who go without to be there though. I suspect they're in the minority.

If the political will was to banish state schools then the rich could be compelled to use what ever school was available to them.

When you strip away the money, what's left is people going out of their way to help their DC get the best education possible. Unless these parents are seriously wealthy, they feel the cost of the fees. Why do you think the majority of them do it?

Even if you took every penny from them, the majority of private school parents are just like those without the cash who DIY tutor, spend time teaching their DC things they are struggling with and start their education from the day they're born. The money allows them to pay people to do it, but if you stopped that they'd do it themselves!

But life isn't fair and it's a route to personal unhappiness to think it is. I really don't see why some people choosing to spend their income on private schooling is such a terrible thing. Frankly, by doing so, I'm not taking up a place in the state system

Tryharder,

those defending private, I suspect are actually blinded by liberal rhetoric about trying harder and failure being an individuals fault.

Maybe the solution is to make every school a fee paying private one, and all parents pay for schooling, unless you get an income-based exemption or a bursary?

^^ Agreed. I would homeschool my kids before sending them to my local comprehensive.

chocoluvva My 2 are at state schools PessaryPam
Mine went to state school too but we moved to an area with great schools.

I disagree Narked, many people I know send their children to private school precisely because they have no or little interest in little Johnies education over and above paying for privilege.

"If the political will was to banish state schools then the rich could be compelled to use what ever school was available to them"

And just what kind of political system would that be? One that compels people to do things which most people would say comes down to personal choice. Sounds like some kind of vile communist dictatorship, and hardly "fair"

TheOriginalLady, you're not helping the state system either.