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AIBU?

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Original poster

Private schools - want to shout IT'S NOT FAIR!

999 replies

Yermina · 04/02/2013 10:59

Went to PIL last night and heard all about sil's children's school. One of her boys is already attending a fantastic private school. Just found out his two brothers have also got places at very good private schools.

In the mean time my dc's are in classes of 31 at the local state school. My youngest needs additional support (sn) but isn't statemented (diagnosed but no statement) so doesn't get it. SIL's middle child has got into a mainstream private school that has outstanding support for children with dyslexia, which he's been diagnosed with. And will be in classes of 18.

Our middle ds is musically talented but there is really poor provision for music teaching at his state school and very few children there are learning an instrument. We struggle to pay for music lessons for him outside school.

Is it wrong of me to feel eaten up with jealousy and anger at the unfairness of a school system which privileges the children of well-off people so openly and seemingly without anyone else seeing it as something that's wrong or deeply, deeply unfair?

How would you explain to a group of children: you lot over here will have XXXX spent on your education, and lots of opportunity to develop your talents, and you lot over there will have about half as much spent on you, and will have much less attention from the teacher because there'll be twice as many of you in the class. Oh, and you kids with sn or specific gifts - unless your parents have money, you probably won't get the help you need to thrive educationally.

I know it's the way the world is but at the moment I feel bitter about it. Really really bitter. And jealous

Every time I go to my PIL's and have to hear about all the amazing thing SIL's dcs are doing at their school, their academic achievements, I want to go home and hide under the duvet and cry.

We'll never, ever be able to afford private education. We'll never be able to afford to move to an area with really good state schools. We'll never be able to get our children into church schools as we're not church goers, and our local grammar schools (2) are bursting at the seams with children from the local private prep schools, who bus their students in to take the 11+ en mass.

It's just so fucking unfair. It really is. I just want to get that off my chest.

That is all.

OP posts:
Spamspamspam · 04/02/2013 22:01

Wallison - you have no idea of my history and if I told you it would make your eyes water.

"Done well"???? So it's a lottery is it? No it is bloody not, I have worked harder than anyone else I know. I know an awful lot of lazy people who can't be arsed, have no imagination, have no drive, determination, self esteem, work ethic, care, consideration or thoughtfulness for what is going on around them, let alone the consideration to what they are taking/contributing to society.

I have all of the above and have not "done well" I am been bloody determined and have contributed an outstanding amount to society. There are people I know who can't fathom how I do what I do with the energy I deliver , the level of laziness I come across every day is astounding - people dont just "do well" they usually work bloody hard and make sacrifices for it and they are the ones paying for the lazy feckers who can't be arsed.

SignoraStronza · 04/02/2013 22:03

To all those who compare buying private education to affording nice cars, decent holidays, designer clothing and other luxury goods and services...

I am never envious or critical of people who have the money to spend in any way they choose. However, private education is the only thing that does not attract VAT and, instead of being treated as a business, is classed as a 'charity'.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:04

Come on spam you're a rich, lazy entitled snob like me. Fess up, you'll feel better for it Grin

Spamspamspam · 04/02/2013 22:05

Signora - and??

chocoluvva · 04/02/2013 22:05

"yes, but I need to be near elderly parents"....

She wants tohelp look after them?

Her DS has special needs remember. I agree that everyone deserves a great credit for being hardworking, but it doesn't make you better than other people who have equally valuable qualities. You sound a bit lacking in compassion.

whateveritakes · 04/02/2013 22:05

I would like to point out that even if I made "good choices" I still wouldn't be able to find £12,000 a year for my son to go private.
Perhaps having a baby though was my "poor choice".
Sorry son.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:05

Why should private education attract VAT? Parents sending their children there already pay a back door tax by paying for a state education we don't use

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:07

Fair enough whateverittakes - we all have things we can't have no matter how much we might wish it.

Does that mean no one else should be allowed it either?

Spamspamspam · 04/02/2013 22:09

Lady - ha you outed me......:)

difficultpickle · 04/02/2013 22:13

I'd happily pay VAT on school fees if the LEA rebated to me the £5,500 a year they don't pay to educate ds. I'd be quids in!

echt · 04/02/2013 22:13

Why shouldn't it attract VAT? To say that such parents pay a back door tax is disingenuous, rather like saying car owners subsidise public transport users. They are merely exercising their choice to go private (fine), then let it be private, and make them bear the full cost.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:14

I knew it spam - bet you're slurping champers and beating the butler as you type

Wallison · 04/02/2013 22:14

Everybody who has a job works hard. If they don't, they get fired. The idea that people on minimum wage (who do jobs like cleaning and caring for the terminally ill in nursing homes for example) do not work hard, or that people who earn more than them work harder, is pretty repugnant. Working hard is just something that you have to do. It's not a badge of honour.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:16

Rubbish, car owners use the transport system - roads etc. I don't use the state system but still pay for it.

Like bisjo says, I'll happily pay VAT if I get that rebate on state education allowance

sittinginthesun · 04/02/2013 22:16

Interesting thread. I think we do make choices, often subconsciously, and it jealously is an unhelpful emotion.

I was comp school educated, but with a very good degree, and professional qualification and job. Yet I choose to work part time, and am not brilliantly paid - partly for job satisfaction, and because I genuinely believe that I can have a positive input in my children's education.

My alternative was to work far more hours, and privately educate.

So far, my plan appears to be working. Both dcs are thriving at their state primary, and have a good out of school social life.

I think there has to be a pay off somewhere along the line. Even my very wealthy friends who privately educate, whilst being SAHMs, have other concerns - husbands working abroad for months at a time, having to literally drop everything to move overseas, then back again at short notice.

I'm afraid I agree that the OP is BU.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:18

And how does that argument relate to your question about how people who send their children to private school have "done well"? That's an entirely different argument

Wallison · 04/02/2013 22:18

TheOriginalLadyFT, your taxes are not just paying for state education. They are also (just thinking about education for a moment) paying for all of the teachers who educate your children to go through school and then university. You are, in other words, paying your taxes to enable you to live in a country where there is a pool of available talent which takes advantage of a state education system and which then allows for a number of the people who have been through that system to work in the private sector. I think that is pretty generous, all told.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 04/02/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 04/02/2013 22:21

My taxes also pay for lazy sods who can't be arsed to work and would rather claim benefits, which I think is pretty generous all told

amicissimma · 04/02/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wallison · 04/02/2013 22:21

^ about how people who send their children to private school have "done well"

I didn't say it was about the parents 'doing well'. I queried whether the children who are at private schools have 'done well'. My question wasn't about the parents but about the children, as it is the children who have this advantage. I thought that HappyMummy's post was saying that people who have 'done well' should have this advantage, and was asking just how the children have 'done well', because they are the ones that have the advantage.

There, I've basically said the same thing about four times there. Hopefully now my meaning is clear.

echt · 04/02/2013 22:22

TheOriginalLadyFT - taxes are not hypothecated. It is part of general taxation for a humane society.

It's more than likely that the person wiping your arse when you're drooling will have been state-educated.

Toughasoldboots · 04/02/2013 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

echt · 04/02/2013 22:24

Taking away charitable status WOULD make a difference, otherwise they'd all have given it up years ago. But they haven't.

The voucher system wouldn't work because private schools want to select, and not just on the basis of ability to pay.

Wallison · 04/02/2013 22:24

^ My taxes also pay for lazy sods who can't be arsed to work and would rather claim benefits, which I think is pretty generous all told

All working people do that. I don't think it's particularly generous of you.

If we're going to get into one-upmanship, my taxes have paid for the education and training of the teachers at private schools, when my son hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell of participating in said education. Also they fund the tax breaks of private schools which are passed onto parents.

So really, I'm subsidising your kids.