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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DM has gone too far this time.

92 replies

ModreB · 02/02/2013 21:25

My DM has issues. She lacks responsibility, common sense, is selfish, only thinks of herself.

Yesterday I spent the morning with her, at a Police Station, while she was questioned under caution after being accused of taking advantage of another person, who was her friend, at the complex she lives at. The other person is now sadly deceased.

Can I say now that I believe that she is completely innocent, she might be a silly stupid old bat, but she is honest.

She had been going to the cashpoint for this other person, drawing out money using their PIN and card, then giving the money to them. The family, who visited this person twice in 12 months have made the complaint.

What I cannot forgive is that she confessed that she has also been giving DS3, who is 13 yo that cashcard and PIN to get the cash when she couldn't be bothered to go the cashpoint for her friend. He may now also need to be interviewed by the police about it. Angry

How dare she. How FUCKING dare she implicate my DS in her FUCKING stupidity. I am so cross. How FUCKING dare she.

OP posts:
mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 21:27

that's bad.

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 21:28

but tbh, i've seen a man pay with his mother's cash card in m+s and his mother was not present. he talked about it quite happily. some people think nothing of passing their card and pin along.

Isityouorme · 02/02/2013 21:30

Firstly is there any possibility your DS has taken some money? If not, then I would give the police the impression that your DM s a bit loopy. Hopefully it won't go any further. You would assume that your dms first instinct woud be to protect her family but its not always the case.

2048 · 02/02/2013 21:31

Why did you feel the need to add offensive words to your post, what was the point? It doesn't add anything.

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2013 21:32

Did she give your DS the PIN?

If so, then she was just being honest.

If she didn't then that is beyond anything I could accept, I would be walking away from her.

Original poster
ModreB · 02/02/2013 21:33

Oh no. DS thinks it's fun to go and get cash from the machine. He again is honest, no worries in that respect.

DM's instinct is to protect herself. Nobody else, let alone me or my family. Angry

OP posts:
CheCazzo · 02/02/2013 21:34

I find the last sentence of your post quite Shock actually. All those fucks and for what actually? No crime has been committed. She hasn't asked the lad to run crack cocaine into the local estate or go shoplifting for her has she? You say yourself that she's a bit dappy so your use of the word 'implicate' is misplaced. Very odd reaction.

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2013 21:34

the offensive words add how angry the OP is.

Why use upper case?

2048, this is Mumsnet, we are all adults, it's after 9pm.

ThePonyFormerlyKnownAsTony · 02/02/2013 21:34

This is not going to be popular but I actually think it's a good thing that she's telling the truth, I think it was quite bad of her to get him involved (by making him go to the cashpoint) but I think it would be unreasonable for her to lie about this to the police.

Hopefully it will all get sorted very quickly and won't be too stressful for you all.

cozietoesie · 02/02/2013 21:34

I used to often see people (I guess care workers) with several cards getting money out or checking balances. (Before getting their shopping for them I should imagine.)

The Hole in the Wall should have videos of the transactions.

ENormaSnob · 02/02/2013 21:37

Is there cash missing then?

Surely they can tally up the withdrawals and check cctv?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 02/02/2013 21:37

I'm a pin passer Blush and a lot of people trust their's with me because I have such a terrible memory I can never remember them after use.

I am shocked that she would implicate your DS.

Rainbowinthesky · 02/02/2013 21:37

2048 - I have read the first post several times and can't see the offensive bit you are refering to???

Rainbowinthesky · 02/02/2013 21:37

I mean where the FUCK is it?

McNewPants2013 · 02/02/2013 21:38

Where was the family when the deceased was living, twice in 12 months is appalling.

Your ds and DM by your account are innocent and the police are just following a complaint.

PoppyWearer · 02/02/2013 21:39

The OP can swear as much as she likes. Her thread, her rules and MNHQ's.

MN is all about saying stuff that you can't say IRL.

That said, I get why she's cross!

Original poster
ModreB · 02/02/2013 21:40

Well, telling the truth had to be dragged out of her.

I do not think it's OK that she is being honest. I just think what more is she not telling. She has form for not telling the whole story until forced.

And as for the swearing, if your sensibilities are offended, please get over it.

OP posts:
ThePonyFormerlyKnownAsTony · 02/02/2013 21:42

Oh ok, I think I possibly misunderstood... I got the impression that she'd explained about your son using the card to sort of help with the police enquiry IYKWIM rather than to shift the blame when there's actually more to the story.
Either way, hope it's sorted soon!

Ilovefluffysheep · 02/02/2013 21:42

So she has been honest to the police and you have a problem with that? Really?

Snazzynewyear · 02/02/2013 21:43

I knew a case where this had happened and tbh if the PIN was handed over willingly there is probably not a lot the police will do. I knew someone who was a victim of this from the other way round - their DM had given next door neighbour PIN and the neighbour had been taking extra money but because 'permission' had been given they got away with it. So from your mum's point of view if she was given permission to use the card and only ever took the requested amounts, she's right to tell the truth and I would hope she wouldn't be in trouble (especially since the person I knew of who was stealing wasn't punished Angry). It is a pity it brings your DS into things but it's probably best for her to be completely honest with them now.

As for all the 'offensive words' complaints - it's a site where swearing is allowed. Get over it. Or even, get the fuck over it.

edam · 02/02/2013 21:43

Blimey, I'd be just as furious as you OP. How DARE she drag a 13yo into her stupid mess? Said 13yo won't have realised he could be getting himself into a whole lot of trouble.

Ruddy family as well, visiting twice in a year, the feckers. Good grief.

McNewPants2013 · 02/02/2013 21:43

If your DS did get money out of the bank then it was right for your DM to tell the police.

discrete · 02/02/2013 21:45

Is it a problem? Is it illegal?

I know banks advise against it, but I didn't think it was illegal to give someone your card and PIN if you want to give them access to your bank account.

Original poster
ModreB · 02/02/2013 21:46

Yes, I agree she was right to tell them.

But she was not right to get him to do it in the first place.

OP posts:
WhateverTrevor · 02/02/2013 21:47

Don't understand what she's done wrong really.
You've said yourself she's innocent so what has she implicated your ds in, her innocence?
He was helping his grandma out, so what.