Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DM has gone too far this time.

92 replies

ModreB · 02/02/2013 21:25

My DM has issues. She lacks responsibility, common sense, is selfish, only thinks of herself.

Yesterday I spent the morning with her, at a Police Station, while she was questioned under caution after being accused of taking advantage of another person, who was her friend, at the complex she lives at. The other person is now sadly deceased.

Can I say now that I believe that she is completely innocent, she might be a silly stupid old bat, but she is honest.

She had been going to the cashpoint for this other person, drawing out money using their PIN and card, then giving the money to them. The family, who visited this person twice in 12 months have made the complaint.

What I cannot forgive is that she confessed that she has also been giving DS3, who is 13 yo that cashcard and PIN to get the cash when she couldn't be bothered to go the cashpoint for her friend. He may now also need to be interviewed by the police about it. Angry

How dare she. How FUCKING dare she implicate my DS in her FUCKING stupidity. I am so cross. How FUCKING dare she.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 02/02/2013 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

apostropheuse · 02/02/2013 21:52

She told the police the truth; that she was asked to get the money out and she did, and also that she asked your son to get some money out too, which he did. Would you rather she lied to the police? If so then YABU.

It would be worse on your mother and your son if she witheld this information and it was subsequently discovered. That would make it look as though she/they had something to hide.

If there is nothing to hide then there's no need to be worried. I'm sure the police often see this kind of thing. I personally don't give my card or pin number to anyone, including my own family, but I know others do.

nickelbabe · 02/02/2013 21:53

i'' allowed to say fuck in real life.

op. I don't get it either. your mum has taken money out of the woman's account for the woman,right? so nothing illegal or untoward has taken place.
I can't see a problem
is the family trying to make out your mum has stolen from the woman?

landofsoapandglory · 02/02/2013 21:59

She had no right involving your DS in it all, but as she has she absolutely had to tell the Police. I totally and utterly understand why you are angry and upset, I would be too!

As for the posters moaning about the swearing, this is a forum for adults, we are allowed to swear, if you don't like it maybe MN is not for you!

HildaOgden · 02/02/2013 22:00

I think you need to figure out exactly what you are so livid at.You don't believe Grandma was stealing,you don't believe son was stealing...so therefore nothing bad was going on.Just Grandson doing an innocent favour for Grandma.So why are you so livid?? .If you don't believe she was up to anything,then what exactly do you think she was implicating him in??

As a previous poster says,there will be CCTV and bank records to show exactly who was taking what.

I hate to say it,but I think you should brace yourself for finding out one or other of them is light-fingered.Maybe that's what your reaction is...panic instead of anger?

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 02/02/2013 22:01

She hasn't involved your son in anything apart from doing a friend a favour has she? Of course she has to tell the police the truth. It sounds as though she has done a good turn and its gone wrong.

CheCazzo · 02/02/2013 22:03

I'm pretty sure there's only one poster moaning about the swearing. I couldn't care less about it - I just thought it a lot of BIG fucks for not very much Grin.

Original poster
ModreB · 02/02/2013 22:05

Yes, the family are making out that she stole money from her friend. That is why it is serious and the family are involved. The CCTV at the cashpoints is not conclusive apparently.

I told her over 12 months ago that she shouldn't be doing it. This happened over last Xmas. Angry

OP posts:
PrettyKitty1986 · 02/02/2013 22:11

I think yabu. What exactly is the issue? She told the police the truth. I think 'implicate' is a strange choice of word for someone who has complete faith in her son tbh. IMHO your op sounds panicked rather than purely angry...

cozietoesie · 02/02/2013 22:11

Families can become quite narky over a few hundred pounds after a death. Someone has likely been sitting adding up and gone 'Hold on a minute - Auntie Winifred should have had more money than that.....'

When of course anything could have happened to it even if there was a discrepancy.

Wait and see what happens.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2013 22:11

I don't know why you're so angry that she trusted your DS to go to the cash point?

You've said he's a trustworthy sort and he thinks it's fun to use...so what has she done wrong?

Snazzynewyear · 02/02/2013 22:12

It will take them a lot of effort to prove it even if true, IME. They would need to go through bank statements etc and show where money was missing and since the deceased person would easily have spent it themselves, that will be difficult. They sound deeply unpleasant - not that I know that is your major concern here. TBH this sounds like a straw breaking the camel's back. You say you have been annoyed with your mum about her thoughtlessness and selfishness now. What do you want to happen now and what do you want her to do?

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2013 22:23

WorraLiberty, are you joking?

What if the DS had then gone and given the card and bin to another honest person...and so on?

You do not give your friends pin and card to your child grandson. You simply say, sorry, I can't get to the cash point.

HildaOgden · 02/02/2013 22:23

Oh,I see now why you're annoyed.....you had warned her not to do it and then she involved your son after the warning?

That's different.If your son gets called in,I'd tell the police you had told her it was a bad idea for even her to be doing it,never mind your ds.

TheFallenNinja · 02/02/2013 22:26

But what is the actual accusation? Is there a sum of money in question? If she was under caution was she represented?

maddening · 02/02/2013 22:29

Thing is if they viewed tape and saw your ds then they would both be in more trouble and there could be greater implication of wrong doing (by her lying).

The problem is that as your dm says all money withdrawn by her or your ds on her behalf and under her instruction I am guessing she has no proof the cash was handed over to her friend - did she get signed receipts?

TheFallenNinja · 02/02/2013 22:30

If the family have made an accusation of theft, then there must be some evidence or discrepancy otherwise the police wouldn't interview someone. If they are just on a fishing expedition there wouldn't be anything to support it and the police must have described it on the interview.

OutragedFromLeeds · 02/02/2013 22:30

Tbh I really don't see the problem. She was doing a favour for someone, helping them out, which is nice. She asked DS to do it a few times, which is ok. She told the police the truth, which is a good thing to do.

She's been a bit silly and left herself open to accusation, but really the fault lies with the family, who instead of saying 'thanks for helping elderly relative out' has accused her of stealing.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2013 22:34

What if the DS had then gone and given the card and bin to another honest person...and so on?

True, I didn't think about that.

But then the OP says he's a trustworthy boy, so what would he be doing giving someone else the card and pin?

13yrs is well old enough to know you don't do that.

And if he did, then he'll have to tell the Police.

EuroShagmore · 02/02/2013 22:34

Well maybe the family that suddenly cares so much should have been helping the old lady out while she was still alive.

I think your mother was doing a nice thing for this old lady. I don't think asking your son to help was so awful, tbh. A problem only arises if either one of them isn't being honest.

TheFallenNinja · 02/02/2013 22:37

OP says she was accused of taking advantage of another person???

No such crime, come on OP, give us the detail.

If there is some evidence then the police won't accept "he's a good boy" as a defence.

In your position I would lawyer up and say nothing to the police without said lawyer present.

TheFallenNinja · 02/02/2013 22:38

Oh yeah, the family by the way are simply trying to screw as much money out of the deceased persons estate.

edam · 02/02/2013 22:40

I can see the problem. The problem being that a 13yo is going to be interviewed by the police. The problem being that the police may not believe that it was all innocent. The problem being that a 13yo was encouraged to get involved in something that risks him being branded a thief and a liar.

If an adult - the Gran - wanted to do her friend a favour, that is one thing. But to involve a child in something that could easily be misinterpreted and leave them with a criminal record is stupid, selfish and dangerous, especially when that child's Mother had warned the Gran against it in the first place.

Hopefully the police will be sensible and establish the Gran was just helping her friend, not helping herself. But we all know things can be misinterpreted, especially after the chief witness is no longer available to explain/confirm what actually went on.

edam · 02/02/2013 22:42

Oh and yes, I agree about getting a lawyer. Nothing to do with guilt or innocence, just sensible precaution. You get crap coppers (just as you get crap chefs or nurses or IT experts or any other job).

TheFallenNinja · 02/02/2013 22:52

For sure it's a god awful situation to be put in, my only priority would be legally protecting the child, deal with the old lady later.

But, they have something worth investigating, you can bank on it and that investigation must come to a conclusion.

Pretty shitty to get dragged into this. Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread