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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why do people 'loud parent'

467 replies

ElevenCent · 01/02/2013 18:24

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

OP posts:

WorriedMummy73 · 02/02/2013 13:17

We go to McDonalds - do I get a prize for being the first to admit it? Also, my youngest likes a Fruit Shoot, we shop at Tesco and Sainsburys (depends where I fancy on the day) and I like Jarlsberg cheese and taramasalata. Three kids are bright as buttons, great manners, love a Happy Meal. Where, in the great scheme of 'class' things does that place us?!

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 13:19

McSmuggery it would be artisan fries,organic quinoa burger,with handmixed free trade jus to coat the gem lettuce

hazeyjane · 02/02/2013 13:19

Bobby, for lots of young children with delays, you may not know they had a 'condition' for years and years. Ds has had many tests and is still having them now, his diagnosis is not fully confirmed.If a child has delayed speech, and sees a SALT they would recommend the same thing that ds's SALT advised for him.

nickelbabe · 02/02/2013 13:23

when i refer to myself as mummy, i sound like my bloody mum.

even to the extent that i once referred to myself (the other day) as Mum'sActualFirstName.

i do the loud parenting, i'm sure.
but! DD can say "Ta" when you give her something, and i did not teach her that - she must have got it from watching me serve customers.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 13:28

i refer to myself as mummy to the kids, as in come to mummy, hold mummy hand
i wouldn't say my actual name
nor do i do the thing were they call me my real name. instead of mummy

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 13:31

I think my 18 year old dd would look at me like this if I started referring to myself as 'mummy' at this late stage.

Echocave · 02/02/2013 13:45

I don't keep up a running commentary but when dd is out and about facing forwards in the buggy I have realised I'm yelling a bit to make myself heard!
Sometimes I keep talking in the hope that she will see something of interest if I think she might be about to start kicking off a bit because she wants to get out of the buggy.

I think a lot of people mumble and sometimes it makes it easier for children to understand if you enunciate clearly.

I slightly agree about slight showing off although actually think its great that someone loves their kids and wants them to learn and God forbid Bobby, do well at school!

crashdoll · 02/02/2013 13:52

Do people say "look at me" or "look at mummy" to their children? I thought people would only say the latter when they are teaching their children who people are, when the child is older (say 5 or 6) saying "look at mummy" might sound strange.

Hobbitation · 02/02/2013 14:13

I've gone over to "me" with DD1 (7.5) (not sure when that happened) but still more often than not "mummy" with DD2 (nearly 4).

I always talked to them when we were out even as tiny babies. People used to give me some funny looks for it too. Not in the manner set out in the OP (I hope) but more when I was on my own with them. When they were tiny I'd be saying things like "Oh, have you woken up then?" and generally telling them what I was doing "Let's change your nappy then, shall we?" Then as they got a bit bigger and were clearly understanding more I'd just make progress towards general conversation more how you would do with a grown up "It's very sunny isn't it?" As for the "loudly teaching" them stuff, well two and three year olds in particular do love the word "Why?" While parents probably do have volume control issues as you get used to a certain amount of noise, you can't avoid explaining quite a lot of stuff to them.

cheddarcheeselover · 02/02/2013 14:13

one of the best things about always having my DDs on my front in a sling when they were small was that I could talk to them really quietly as they were so close to me. I talked to them constantly because they were right there. on the occasions they were in a buggy I felt really self conscious as I had to talk louder for them to hear.

FightingForSurvival · 02/02/2013 15:26

Lol at passive aggressive parenting. I experienced this last year at a park. "Oh WELL DONE little Timmy. Very GOOD MANNERS" etc, when my autistic son was being not the best at waiting patiently. The classic thing was little Timmy was also playing with my other beautifully mannered child ( NT, which helps somewhat) but PA Mum assumed he belonged to someone else and nearly swallowed the plums in her chops when we all left together. To be fair, exaggerated speech probably is bet for speech development but it makes the mums seem so smug.

Hobbitation · 02/02/2013 15:28

I had mine in a sling sometimes but not for that long at a time and only for a few months. I felt it was going to do my back in if I did it for long. My body didn't regain muscular strength for at least a year after giving birth and probably up to two years, realistically.

elizaregina · 02/02/2013 15:35

I live in a mixed area and I have NEVER heard or noticed performance parenting, nor at any of the masses of toddler groups or play parks or anywhere people interact.

Its odd that some people not only hear it - but seemingly all the time.

I wonder if some think they are on a kind of Trueman show -

" OK - Shes coming, cue the 4x4's, can we have the uggs and the anogora knits out first please and kids called Tarquin and Clementine....and .....ROLL"

"OK - she's about to enter Tesco - cue woman clad in desginer wear looking lost with kid doing prioutetts down the ailse - asking in a loud voice for HUMOUS....., AND ACTION".

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 15:39

Just to be clear, my passive aggressive parenting comment was with my tongue very much in my cheek.

I don't remember much of what I used to say to my twins before they were 1 as I was in a constant fug of 3 hours sleep a night.

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 15:39

Although my dd is very much fluent in sarcasm. I have no idea where she gets it from.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 15:45

not odd in least.as you can see plenty attest they see,hear loud parents in their area
it add a certain frisson to the area,the pricy but fairtrade goods and loud parenting
maybe you need to mix with the lin-gwee-knee crew in their habitat

nickelbabe · 02/02/2013 15:48

i think my DD will also be fluent in sarcasm

Francagoestohollywood · 02/02/2013 15:51

Come at mine!
I can make you all some niiiiiiice linguine with prawns and entertain your 9 months old babies with a detailed lecture on pasta shapes!

nickelbabe · 02/02/2013 15:52

pasta shapes?
what, like noodles doodles?

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 15:53

Alphabeti spaghetti?

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 15:55

so long as its french alphabetti pasta with accents as saskia is learning french

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 15:57

hahahaha

Dd learned French because I would sit her and her brother in front of Tots TV.

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 16:01

oh no we dont do tv,the live-in slave speaks french and makes artisan bread
tv?whats that we do enriching activities like yoga,yodelling,kumon maths
and exaggerated pronunciation of words

Francagoestohollywood · 02/02/2013 16:02

Is Saskia still lerning french, Scottish?

Francagoestohollywood · 02/02/2013 16:03

Learning

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