To ask why do people 'loud parent'

[ElevenCent]

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

[manicbmc]

They'll sleep well

[Boomerwang]

Right that's it. You're doing it on purpose. Well done, you got your way.

I'm getting tired of just about every thread falling to bits because some people are deliberately twisting the words of others, or purposely refusing to understand the point. You must be doing it on purpose, because you can't possibly be that thick.

'You' refers to those that know they are doing it.

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

Another reason to avoid NCT groups. I hate all baby talk, and did not use it with mine - they got spoken to in normal voices....

[WorriedMummy73]

Boomer - I hope that wasn't me and my cats...

[Boomerwang]

No.

[exoticfruits]

I think that the difference is that you should be talking to your child - which means a normal voice and looking them in the eye and waiting for a response. It means having pauses.
I can't see any point in treating them as a passive audience and just talking on and on without a pause or interaction.
The first gets them listening, the second means they can just let it wash over them. The baby or small DC can't care less whether eggs are free range or not- that is something you can explain at a later date when looking at hens.

[exoticfruits]

I went to NCT groups- I can't remember anyone using 'baby talk' - it was a chance to chat to adults and the babies/ toddlers were happy to play or watch others.

[Anna1976]

LaQueen "Why are parents so terrified of their children just sitting and observing for a few minutes? They're not going to implode if they are not constantly being distracted/entertained/enaged with..."

exoticfruits "I think that the difference is that you should be talking to your child - which means a normal voice and looking them in the eye and waiting for a response. It means having pauses."

I agree very much. All my mother's constant stream of loud/performance/passive-aggressive parenting did was teach me to switch off completely, for years.

Aged 36 i still have great difficulty concentrating on auditory input, and tend to be completely passive in conversations, usually because i haven't been listening

[Anna1976]

BTW I quite like organic hoummous... more so than jaffa cakes anyway

However going round the supermarket with my sister, BIL, and (ex) SIL &BIL and the 3 kids has to have been one of my life's highlights.

"Tarquin [2 years 11 mo], what's the MANDARIN word for organic? Yes! now tell Horatio [11 weeks] so he knows too. Ooh, isn't he clever! goo gaa! yes that's right Horatio, YOU'RE SPEAKING MANDARIN TO MUMMY!"... cue my sister instantly chiming in over the top with "Lysandra [4 years]! YOU know the word for organic in FRENCH, GERMAN AND JAPANESE, DON"T YOU?"

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with teaching foreign languages to extremely young kids, since it's vastly more effective than teaching teenagers. I just find the performance parenting aspect hideously self-indulgent. It's self-indulgent no matter what values are being inflicted - a friend of exSIL/BIL/Tarquin/Horatio does it in reverse "oh, darling, WE don't know the mandarin words for ANYTHING because YOU'RE allowed to be a CHILD, aren't you? Mummy loves you whether or not you're a member of Mensa, doesn't she?"

[Pagwatch]

It is a bit sad tbh.
This thread has evolved into a jokey thread about performance parenting.
It has been said over and over again that no one ever judges mums gaily engaging with their child. Equally everyone recognises that some children have issues that need constant clear speech.

To constantly twist the thread into people sneering t anyone who talks to their child is just wilfully stupid and antagonistic.

I performance parented a bit with DS1. I was a bit of an arse but no harm done. It was like a big old manifestation of PFB and I am an adult.i can laugh at myself for my foolishness.
I had to endlessly talk loudly at ds2. He had all sorts of issues that meant I had to do it. Maybe some people thought I was a twat but in the scheme if things I don't care.

Have we lost the ability to laugh gently at ourselves and each other. We are all ridiculous t times. It's not evil to either do it or notice it.

[LineRunner]

I'm so interested in what the posters say about allowing a child to learn to listen.

There are many baby gurus who would have it that babies (and foetuses) absorb everything. Hence some of the nuttier beliefs that a baby can be born 'knowing' the complete works of Mozart.

It looks like at some point, though, if the auditory stimulation is constant, some children at least simply turn off the processor for that, and look elsewhere?

[Pagwatch]

Yes. It is interesting. The whole auditory processing thing is interesting.
I remember DS2 not being able to 'hear' me because there was a bus pulling into the car park.it was quite far away but it swamped him and he recoiled from that noise and went into a massive meltdown.
The fight to get him to tune language in and tune other stuff out is on going.

[Pagwatch]

Sorry. Just agreeing. That reads back a bit like I am letting you find it interesting in a head patty way which is not how I meant it at all.

[sandyballs]

I was in the library last week and couldn't help noticing one of these loud parents.

She was sitting on the carpet in the children's area with two girls of about 4 and 5 reading them a book very loudly about a character who wouldn't eat anything green. Loud effects and pronunciation, as though she was on the fecking stage. At the end she closed the book and said in a booming voice to her girls:

"How odd darlings that he won't eat anything green, because there are loads and loads of lots of lovely green things to eat aren't there".

The girls just sat there.
She went on:

"Yummy broccoli, cabbage, spinach, mung beans ......"

Then one of the girls shouted "snot" .

"No sweetie that's not nice, we don't eat that"

"SNOT, SNOT ....."

Cheered up my Tuesday .

[LineRunner]

Oh you can pat my head, Pag. The cat slept on it all night snoring and what with the couple next door shagging and the wind howling, I need less noise and more patting.

[Pagwatch]

[ChestyLeRoux]

You would all hate me I talk and do mannerisms like the cbeebies presenters.I cant help it I just find myself doing it!

[Pagwatch]

The good thing about being able to laugh at yourself is that,if you are anything like me, there are literally hours of amusement. I am such an arse. I'm still quite nice with it though. A lots of my best friends are arses

[aldiwhore]

On the flip side to the children of loud parents being unable to entertain themselves or think for themselves without stimulation.... both my children couldn't WAIT to get to school, probably for peace and quiet.

[nickelbabe]

exotic - i was doing it to my DH, not to my DD

and possibly

[exoticfruits]

The first rule of good parenting 'never take yourself too seriously'!