To ask why do people 'loud parent'

[ElevenCent]

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

La Queen

"Babies/toddlers learn best when exposed to normal, adult conversations and exchanges - with adult intonations, inflections, rhytmns etc.

It's far better for them to hear that style of conversation than empty Motherese 'Yes, look at dolly...dolly...it's a dolly, isn't it...try and say dolly...say dolly...dolly...'"

Have you a source to back this up? From what I've read hearing conversation without being addressed and interacted with does not do much for language acquisition, otherwise children who are plonked in front of TV instead of spoken with would pick up language easily from there. Children need to be spoken to in order to work out how language works.

This is not to say that parents should never have adult conversations at a toddler group, that'd be silly. But saying that not talking to your child (motherese or not) is better than talking to your child, is silly too.

I cannot believe after all this time that some people still don't GET IT.

Here we go:

This is normal and nobody will bat an eyelid at you:

'Look at the plane!'
'Can you see the oranges?'
'Point to the red ones'
'Did you know that people used to live in that castle?'
'oh dear we got all wet in the rain'

This is 'performance parenting' and you look stupid:

'We only want the organic ones because they do awful things to those chickens in barns. Yes that lady there is buying barn eggs, maybe she can't afford the nice organic ones like we can, or maybe she doesn't care'

'When we get home mummy will help you with your homework. What set are you in again? Top set? What are you learning now? Trigonometry? Oh my, you're so smart for an 8 year old aren't you!'

Really Boomerwang? Up thread someone pointed out a sheep in a field on a train and that was in the talking AT the child =- catagory and then went on into mad activities with parents and steam engines.

in the original op - she was talking about a mum at a coffee meeting talking mundane shite.

those who are so keen on talking about what they call performance parenting....

why dont you start your own threads about that specific subject?

exactly boom

normal is telling a child in normal conversational tones (in much thexsame way you would talk.to friends or yourself)

not normal and performing is loudly telling your child something then repeating it and then asking the child if they can say it without even looking to check the child is listening.

btw I LOVE how the word organic is mentioned over and over and over again by the performance parenting monitors!!!

Organic and humous!!! I imagine you walk past people whilst shopping, going about your business - all sorts of words and bits of conversations hit you in your subconscisous....then you ... hear the word " organic" and your triggered into your evesdropping and snearing. Then the prepetrator - feels you watching them, turns round or catches your eye - and you think

got em', she was looking round there for an audience - i KNEW it.

eliza the op said the woman literally verbalizes everything into a lesson.
mummy can't find the phone james phone PHONE we ring daddy on the phone.

that's exactly what we're talking about.

Oh dear ... if you heard me you would At the request of speech threapy i talk a lot and make ds1 say whole sentences. When we are out, with lots of back ground noise, i also talk loudly (not shouting) but then he has ANSD - i.e hearing loss.

people don't notice.
iwas at the till in sainsbury's loudly complaining that the person in front obviously didn't care about animal welfare or chickens' lives because of the eggs they bought and that the co-op only sold free range qnd organic eggs.

mrs pear, you had better start wearing a plastic card round your neck explaining this as there are people watching, listening and judging you behind every aisle apparently,

mrspear. you're okay because we assyme that you are constantly checking to make sure your ds is paying attention. that's the main difference.
the loyd or performance parent doesn't care if the child notices, only the other adults.

Not sure if I did it when they were young, but I do have a habit of now talking to my computer....and the fridge.....and my car keys.....I may have problem.

" we assume" love it, are you secretly recording as well, feeding it back to base, one of you closing in on footage, narrow eyes chewing the end of a pencil......she's ok, she checked her son four times in three miuntes

I performance parent to my cats, I've realised, rather than my kids. I think that may be more of a problem than anything else on this entire thread, or indeed, on Mumsnet as a whole!

It's a very clear distinction really. Because the performance parent will not particularly be making eye contact with the child. They will be looking around at other people waiting for applause.

I'm pretty certain someone with a child with hearing problems or SN, will be trying to engage eye contact as well as talking loudly and clearly.

Worried, I also performance parent to my cat. Shall we start a support group?

Manic - I think that is an excellent idea! I have three cats, but one in particular is just so responsive when I use my performance voice that it's quite freaky. 'Yes, you ARE a clever boy, Ted, yes you are! Would you like some food? Say food! What a clever boy! Now roll over, yes, roll over for Mummy'. Quite alarming...

Mine is like that. You get little meows as answers.

well there is certainly apparently a huge auidience out there for it - they love listening into other peoples convos - and am sure will love hearing you talk to your cats....

My cat chirrups, rather than meows. Don't you Ted? Yes you do, yes you do, because you're a clever boy, yes you are! I'm actually like that woman with the little dog in the insurance ads (oh no, he never walks!)

Hahaha

She'll put her head to one side and then (because she's got no front teeth) she does this 'smile'.

Pmsl at the mental image of cat with no front teeth smiling! Unless you're referring to yourself, Manic, in which case, get thee to a dentist!

I have the front ones but they stole my wisdom!

Well, I hope you got something from the Tooth Fairy. And did you know the going rate is now £5 a tooth apparently!?! Mine get a pound and I hyperventilate at that amount. That's a whole other thread right there...

Luckily my kids are well passed losing teeth.

I got wine when I lost mine.

I will try giving mine wine when they next lose some and let you all know how that works out...