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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask why do people 'loud parent'

467 replies

ElevenCent · 01/02/2013 18:24

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 02/02/2013 20:21

You do need to enunciate clearly, and probably quite loudly, to a DC with language problems BUT you also need to look at them and make sure they are listening. The performance parent just talks on regardless- the child works out early on that nothing is needed in return, and in fact it is better not to try, and they just let it wash over them. I have never heard a response from a DC when it is a performance parent - it is all one way and they are never quiet enough to pick up any cues from a baby.

Glittertwins · 02/02/2013 20:35

Oh dear, I'm going to sound bad. I usually have to talk loudly over DD (usually)when DS has asked me a question and wants an answer but DD just won't even pause for breath. Even DS complains about her "chatter boxing" . I have no idea how many people must have heard about the water cycle done for 4 year olds but I can assure you, I wasn't trying to show off, I was just trying to answer questions without gagging DD.

hazeyjane · 02/02/2013 21:17

But, exotic fruits, that (ie the performance parenting that you describe) isn't what is in the op. The woman in the op is doing that sort of running commentary thing that people do, when they are just kind of babbling away at their babies.

exoticfruits · 02/02/2013 22:24

I went to coffee mornings when mine were babies but would have given up if every mother carried on like that!

BourbonsandTea · 02/02/2013 22:26

I do it to occupy my boisterous, curious toddler "Oh look at that picture. How many yellow bags can you count? Lets sing a song. Twinkle Twinkle.." Otherwise I have to resort to the other kind of loud parenting "Oi- get back here! stop running around! Put that down!" Which would you rather hear? Not all kids are naturally easygoing Smile DD has also been complimented on her ability to communicate.
I do know what people mean about Latin and Caviar though - but that's a different kind of parenting altogether imo.

elizaregina · 02/02/2013 22:47

I would dearly dearly love to know where some of you live, just to experience this amazing loud parenting.

I really truelly cannot understand the mindset of anyone - saying things to thier children that are false or exagerated - just for thier audience which seems to include so many of you on here? Confused

elizaregina · 02/02/2013 22:49

Bourbon,

Be very, very, careful when you are saying...."oh look at that picture", it could be construed as prententcious by your ....listeners...depending on the picture of course....

scottishmummy · 02/02/2013 22:50

any poncy fair tradey caff,or mothers group,sling meet all the loud parents hang there

elizaregina · 03/02/2013 00:19

oh I see, well I dont go to cafes or sling meets - whatever they may be?

And all the mothers groups I have been to have had a range of types of people there but parenting in the special way you describe is something I have never come across.

FrameyMcFrame · 03/02/2013 13:49

Lucky you eliza, last time I had to go to the local baby clinic there was a woman doing performance parenting in the waiting area. She was so loud, none of the other Mums could speak to each other or their babies because it was a none stop loud monologue of LOUD SHITE.

nickelbabe · 03/02/2013 13:57

I do it a lot. but I always think of mn when I do it, so it's proper exaggerated Grin

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 03/02/2013 15:13

Worriedmummy73

What are these cutting comments towards amazingmumof6 that you mentioned? I didn't notice anything cutting. I can't help but think you have misunderstood or perhaps not read the thread seeing as you thought that it was about criticising people who take their kids to museums. Which of course its not at all. If you don't understand the thread how could you understand the comments?

extracrunchy · 03/02/2013 16:45

Worriedmummy and amazingmum - I'm with you. And quite surprised at the support certain posters' nasty comments are getting.

exoticfruits · 03/02/2013 17:01

I'm still surprised that people can't differentiate and have no idea what constitutes a 'performance parent'. (Everyone should be talking to their DC, visiting museums, speaking clearly etc-that is not loud/performance parenting).

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 03/02/2013 17:09

extracrunchy. What exactly are these nasty comments? You and they have mentioned them but not actually quoted any.

Pagwatch · 03/02/2013 17:11

If anyone feels a post is nasty or constitutes a personal attack they are supposed to report it.
Mnhq ask that you do.

It is much more productive than veiled complaints about 'certain posters' and as the virtue of not turning the thread into a sort of whine.

MidnightMasquerader · 03/02/2013 17:13

Oh, these threads always going the same way, with a load of disingenuous types pitching up, seemingly not being able to differentiate...

T'was ever thus. If they want to be offended, let them get on with it, I say. Everyone's happy. :)

Boomerwang · 03/02/2013 19:38

I'm in the mood to make a nasty post so that some posters actually have something to complain about. Until that happens, A Grip, Therefore I Go.

Hobbitation · 04/02/2013 12:40

Some people definitely can't differentiate IRL though, or think it's inappropriate to talk
at all to a baby or young child, which makes me sad. Talk to, not at. Interact with.

Otherwise you wouldn't need an "Every Child a Talker" campaign.

elizaregina · 04/02/2013 12:44

Yes Hobbitatoin and the vitriol aimed at those who talk to thier children can make SOME people self conscious to talk to thier child at all.
Sad

fromparistoberlin · 04/02/2013 12:46

The great thing about winter is there is noone in the park to hear me parent loudly!!!

I agree at least they speak to kids and give a shit

Pagwatch · 04/02/2013 12:54

Do you know, I hate to seem argumentative but I honestly don't believe that.

I don't think vitriol is thrown at people who talk to their babies. It isn't on here and it isn't in real life.

I understand that people can feel as though the 'loud parenting' thing is being aimed at them but I think that is a misunderstanding on what some on this thread are joking about.

Maybe, until you have seen and really noticed some 'performance parenting' it s hard to get that it is actually quite ridiculous - and not at all an engaged parent chatting happily with their child.

But I genuinely don't believe anyone mocks parents chatting to their child. And no one aims vitriol at performance parenting - this is an on line gawfaw at the preposterousness of it. And I can say that as I have admitted doing it Grin

As I say, I am not trying to argue buto suggest that parents will stop talking to their much loved child because of a bit of on line snurking is overly dramatic.

Hobbitation · 04/02/2013 13:05

I don't think people on here will, but some people are afraid to speak up in public lest people overhear and judge them. I know as I used to be like this in my teens and into my 20s.

There is so much judgement about parenting anyway - more than there ever used to be, IMO - usually based on a snapshot of someone's life you might see when out and about) and parents are regularly undermined in the media. So it's no wonder people feel the need to pronounce their 'good' parenting to others or feel less than confident about chatting with kids.

trustissues75 · 04/02/2013 13:08

Well, at least she's communicating with her child...but oh dear God!!!! That would drive me insane

Pagwatch · 04/02/2013 13:08

Yes Hobbitation. I agree with about parenting being endlessly judged. Especially in the media. As soon as an accident/incident occurs the behaviour/attitude of the parents is judged. It's grim.

I was just responding to the idea that this thread could do that