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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that my partner didn't cut the umbilical cord?

127 replies

ScouseBrow · 01/02/2013 17:52

My first is only 3 weeks old and whilst we are extremely happy and exhausted we are still quite upset by the fact that my partner never got to cut the umbilical cord.

It was written in my notes that he didn't want to cut it. When I was in labour however the nurse asked him again would he like to cut it and he said he wasn't sure and she said she would ask him again when it was time to cut it.

However once he was delivered the dr cut the cord himself and my partner was never asked.

We both feel like it was a special moment taken away from us. Aibu?

OP posts:
JoanByers · 01/02/2013 17:55

who gives a flying whatever.

MrsHavisham · 01/02/2013 17:55

Yes. Midwives are not psychic AFAIK.

scarletforya · 01/02/2013 17:56

Sorry, I think YABU.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/02/2013 17:56

You are only concerned because it gets built into a weird thing. Just forget about it. It's not important or necessary. You have a baby, a real live human baby. Anyway, he wasn't very sure, was he? All that faffing must piss the HCP off.

millie30 · 01/02/2013 17:56

YABU.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 01/02/2013 17:56

YANBU to be disapointed, that is your right to feel as you do. However did the doctor have a reason to cut it himself? The MW had to cut DDs because it had tangled and got caught or something (I was pretty out of it on pure exhaustion by then so cant remember that bit).

FWIW, there will be so many special moments in the first year alone of your child's life that you will both be able to enjoy, more special than the cutting of the cord even. You need to let it go, it cant be undone. And I mean that in the nicest possbile way. Smile

nefertarii · 01/02/2013 17:57

If you are being serious. Yes YANVU. The priority is checking your child is well and healthy, not whether or not your partner has made his mind up.

I am hoping you are not usually like this and its hormones, not sure what his excuse is. But do you usually look for the negative of every situation?

Pandemoniaa · 01/02/2013 17:57

It actually isn't a full moon either.

nefertarii · 01/02/2013 17:57

Shit.... should say YABVU

lljkk · 01/02/2013 17:57

????

WorraLiberty · 01/02/2013 17:58

YABU

He was there, wasn't that special enough?

Meglet · 01/02/2013 17:59

If it was in the notes then you can't blame the midwife for going with that.

There's a gazzilion more moments you will get to have as parents, some you will miss some you won't.

CloudsAndTrees · 01/02/2013 17:59

You have a newborn, you can be as unreasonable as you like for at least a little while longer, but tbh, I do think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable when you say you feel like it was taken away from you. It really is a very tiny part of fatherhood, and I'm sure you have already had lots of special moments and have many many more to come.

The only thing I'm wondering is why you had a doctor present? If it was complicated, then maybe the cord cutting just didn't feature in the doctors list of priorities.

mumblechum1 · 01/02/2013 17:59

Words fail me. Try giving birth to a baby who is brain damaged.

CaramelBobbi · 01/02/2013 17:59

I know everything is relative, but really. You have a live, healthy three week old baby, you are worrying about something inconsequential. I was with a friend today whose sister has just had a stillborn son at 39 weeks. Please try to see how much it doesn't matter who cut the cord.

thebody · 01/02/2013 18:00

Don't be silly. You have a healthy baby. Be grateful.

And staff usually are actually quite busy while your baby is being born. I expect the doctor couldn't access the notes while the head was crowning.

Hang on though it said he didn't want to!!!

BarredfromhavingStella · 01/02/2013 18:01

YABU, it was in your notes.

Don't really get the big deal of cutting the cord tbh Hmm

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/02/2013 18:01

Your baby is here healthy and safe, what other special moments do you need?

MegaClutterSlut · 01/02/2013 18:01

YABU it was written in the notes that he didn't want to the cord

MegaClutterSlut · 01/02/2013 18:01

*cut the cord

kelly14 · 01/02/2013 18:01

in my opinion yes, your being a bit precious!
i never had a birth plan, dont see the point and as it happened had an emergency c section. My mum and dp was with me but only one allowed in, so my mum came in, and she didnt cut the cord!

I have friends who are midwives and they are so busy, so if your there then you could have said, wait a minute my hubby wants to cut cord!

A birth plan is a guide of what 'YOU' want to happen, midwives cant read everyones when on a busy ward, their job is to get your baby out safely, and if you want something to happen you need to be vocal as notes are rarely read!

Geekster · 01/02/2013 18:02

My DH was going to cut our dd umbilical cord, we had a planned c section so was a relaxed birth but we were so caught in meeting her we forgot! To be honest it really doesn't matter. I was also going to ask to look at the placenta but once we saw our dd nothing else matterd. I'm sure in time you won't even think about it.

CheCazzo · 01/02/2013 18:02

We both feel like it was a special moment taken away from us. Aibu?

Would that be the special moment that you specifically noted should NOT take place?
Fuck me dead - and then you ask AIBU?

[words/fail]

BinarySolo · 01/02/2013 18:03

Actually I don't think YABU. The midwife asked my dh if he'd like to cut the cord. He said yes then she did it herself. Then said oh sorry you wanted to do that didn't you.

At the time I watched her do it and it really worried me as I thought she was rushing to do it because there was a problem with ds. In reality she was just very absent minded and distracted, but that's a whole other thread!

It's a bit annoying, but it doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

moonstorm · 01/02/2013 18:03

Why all the fuss about the husband not getting to do the one thing that forever separates mother from baby...

Sorry, but YABU, but then you've just had a baby, so you're allowed. You won't even think about it in a few year's time.

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