To be bloody furious with 5yo dd, and be on the verge of tears over this?

[Lowla]

I'm so angry! Been feeling like this since i picked up dd from school, and i'm just getting angrier with her.

Last month, i sent her into school with a week's dinner money in her new purse. Comes out at hometime telling me i forgot to give her dinner money. The purse is gone, as is the money. No one's seen it nor handed it in. So the teacher told me the school made her up a little sandwich for free.

I've told dd she's not allowed school dinners again, and will have to take packed lunches. She's upset about this because school dinners sit separately from packed lunches, and her 'best friend' is always school dinner.

Today she had P.E. I sent her in with her kit and new shoes.

She comes out at hometime saying i forgot to pack her p.e. kit. Everything was missing. Finally managed to track down her shorts and top in the classroom but her new shoes are gone (they cost me £25!). She says she lost them before P.E and she had to do it in her school hard shoes instead.

I've now had to go and buy a cheap pair of trainers for £5 from ASDA, which don't fit properly because she's a half size, and i had to go into my food budget for them.

She just doesn't give a shit. She has ASD and she just keeps saying 'oh well. never mind. we'll just buy new ones.'

I honestly feel like punching a wall. I realise i'm being totally irrational, but it's the lying that accompanies the losing stuff which pisses me off most. Her teacher claims dd told her that i forgot to pack her gym stuff today. DD also told them last time i gave her no dinner money. In the school's eyes - it's me that's forgetting stuff, not DD.

Since she started school, she's managed to lose a tie, a pair of glasses, a pair of gym shoes, a filled pencil case, her dinner money and purse, her new trainers, her blazer. And i've only got half of the stuff back, despite it being labelled.

Argh! She's in the next room loudly drawing a picture and saying to herself, "This will sure cheer mummy up! Her favourite - a butterfly!"

Dreading her coming in to give me it, because i'm really still angry with her and i'll end up hurting her feelings.

I'm at the end of my tether with her. I can't keep buying her replacement stuff, but what other choice do i have? She NEEDS a tie, she NEEDS a blazer etc etc etc. I'm just so angry with her!

and tbh all the school needs is a locked box in the office to drop money off, no need to even do online.

id be angry at the school

You seem irrationally angry. I think you should speak to the doctor about your stress.

My DD is in reception and no way would I give her the dinner money...I go into the office myself and hand it in.

As for her shoes...make the school take SOME responsibility.. Go in and look and ask and ask till they look too.

All those pointing out that she's 5, the thing is that unless they all work something out, she'll have exactly the same attitude at 15.

I'm sorry you're finding stuff hard, it isn't easy I know. I think the school is badly letting your daughter down and I think you need to be up at the school every day until they get it right - why are there no TAs? These children are little, they need help and support.

Jeesus

what a crap school. Have they NO support for children with special needs?

You sound very depressed OP - I am sorry things are so rubbish. Fwiw your dd sounds so sweet. You need more help with this, and the school should be doing at least part of that.

please don't blame your dd, she is doing her best and just doesn't understand.

Take care x

Thank you everyone. Crying again because i feel so guilty, and you're being lovely.

DD's doing her homework just now. Perfectly cheery. I reckon i could stomp about the house in a wild tantrum and she would still be full of smiles.

I just wished she showed some remorse. Some sense of knowing that she's done wrong. But i realise that's a totally stupid thing to expect.

Her letter/picture is something she does every day anyway, but usually it says random things like "I like ice cream cones."

Her school is amazing. I'm just showing them in a really bad light. Her teacher especially is lovely and dd adores her. Her little classmates have all been told she has ASD and they often help her e.g. help do her zip etc.

She doesn't get school dinners often anyway. Usually 1-2 days each month. But that week was because i was working extra hours and couldn't be bothered making packed lunches.

In our school you pay lunch money in at the office, could you do this, to avoid this issue happing again.

I wouldn't expect a five year old to keep track of things.

She hasn't really done wrong though Lowla she's just done her best. You should definitely hand in the money for her yourself...just go to the office and give it there.

As for the shoes....make a fuss...I had to make a fuss the other week about a jacket and it turned up a day later.

She hasn't done anything wrong ffs and therefore should not have to show remorse.

I can't believe you are blaming your poor dd. And yes, I have a vast experience of ASD.

Lowla Having a child with asd is hard,this is just the tip of the iceberg ,unfortunately you are going to have many battles,my mantra is dont sweat the little stuff,I know it's annoying and aggrevating(sp) but in the grand scheme of things,it means nothing,Go and give her a hug and remember what a special,beautiful,individual child she is.

lowla
Firstly, I'm glad you posted on here because you needed to vent your feelings and its good you did to us rather than lose it with your DD.

I would check out the Special Needs boards when you are ready and find yourself some real life support because you do sound like you are stressed to breaking point right now.

She just doesn't give a shit
I'm at the end of my tether with her.

Did your Mum/Dad talk about you in similar terms when you were 5 or so ?

manic don't give her a hard time. Not everyone has the patience that you have....some people have to learn it.

An NT 5 year old might be better at looking remorseful but it almost certainly wouldn't be genuine. NT 5 year olds are unlikely to have a good grasp on how hard it is for parents to earn money and the value of money.

Lowla, do you post in the SN forums here?
It's a good place to come and scream when things pile on top of you and you want to have a rant because your child just doesn't get it at all.

Like when I sliced my hand open when cooking dinner and was close to fainting whilst trying to stem the gush, and all DS could yell was 'Don't get blood on my pizza!'
Not remorseful or concerned about me, just angry at the thought of his sodding pizza getting bloody.

cumfy same to you. Do not pile in on an OP who appears vulnerable.

OP can I suggest you pop over to Special Needs Children on here? There are loads of people on that section who will have a ton of sympathy and good advice too.

I think you are feeling a whole lot of things including guilt, grief and frustration. Blaming her is entirely understandable but an awful thing.

Is there anyone you can talk to. Are there any ASD support groups?

Or his bloody pizza getting sodden. Whatever, I felt very unloved that evening!

I'm not patient, at all. I'm just pissed off at a grown woman putting the guilts on a 5 year old ASD child who does not understand.

Blimey asking 5 year olds to take responsibility for cash is madness, I bet your dd is not the only one who has lost it.

Poor you, you sound really stressed and done for, put today behind you (I bet the PE kit turns up very soon, they have a habit of turning up just as youve bought another one!), and maybe talked to the teacher in the morning about things.

As others have said she's only 5 and has Asd maybe u should take her stuff in or speak to teacher or ta so they know she has it all. If she brings u a nice picture then of course u must be gracious and happy to receive it. She's still very young and isn't doing it on purpose.

Yabvvvvvvu she is 5 not 15! Why the hell are you giving a child virtually a baby a weeks wrth if dinner money, you should be handing that to her teacher or TA! Is there any possibility se could be bullied and her things taken