To be bloody furious with 5yo dd, and be on the verge of tears over this?

[Lowla]

I'm so angry! Been feeling like this since i picked up dd from school, and i'm just getting angrier with her.

Last month, i sent her into school with a week's dinner money in her new purse. Comes out at hometime telling me i forgot to give her dinner money. The purse is gone, as is the money. No one's seen it nor handed it in. So the teacher told me the school made her up a little sandwich for free.

I've told dd she's not allowed school dinners again, and will have to take packed lunches. She's upset about this because school dinners sit separately from packed lunches, and her 'best friend' is always school dinner.

Today she had P.E. I sent her in with her kit and new shoes.

She comes out at hometime saying i forgot to pack her p.e. kit. Everything was missing. Finally managed to track down her shorts and top in the classroom but her new shoes are gone (they cost me £25!). She says she lost them before P.E and she had to do it in her school hard shoes instead.

I've now had to go and buy a cheap pair of trainers for £5 from ASDA, which don't fit properly because she's a half size, and i had to go into my food budget for them.

She just doesn't give a shit. She has ASD and she just keeps saying 'oh well. never mind. we'll just buy new ones.'

I honestly feel like punching a wall. I realise i'm being totally irrational, but it's the lying that accompanies the losing stuff which pisses me off most. Her teacher claims dd told her that i forgot to pack her gym stuff today. DD also told them last time i gave her no dinner money. In the school's eyes - it's me that's forgetting stuff, not DD.

Since she started school, she's managed to lose a tie, a pair of glasses, a pair of gym shoes, a filled pencil case, her dinner money and purse, her new trainers, her blazer. And i've only got half of the stuff back, despite it being labelled.

Argh! She's in the next room loudly drawing a picture and saying to herself, "This will sure cheer mummy up! Her favourite - a butterfly!"

Dreading her coming in to give me it, because i'm really still angry with her and i'll end up hurting her feelings.

I'm at the end of my tether with her. I can't keep buying her replacement stuff, but what other choice do i have? She NEEDS a tie, she NEEDS a blazer etc etc etc. I'm just so angry with her!

YABVVVU.

Can't bring yourself to look at her?
She's so bloody annoying?

Lovely.

I wouldn't trust my NT 6 yo not to lose things. He lost his epipen at school never to be seen again.

Can you not make an appointment to speak to the teacher. That's the procedure at DS's school.

Wow, Kate. That was harsh.

I think it would be very stressful to have a child with that diagnosis. I would be gutted if my kids lost so much stuff. And I'd be pretty annoyed if the teacher acted like she didn't believe me.

I think the op is having a rough day, is all.

You are not very nice about your dd . She's five fgs you should be ashamed of yourself are you winding us up?

It's good reading all your posts and realising my dd isn't the only child who loses so many things.

I think i'll wait and see what tomorrow brings (hopefully the trainers!). If anything else goes missing, i'll ask to speak to the Head.

If I tell my 6 year old I have no money he says 'you can just get some money from daddy'

He has no concept that daddy is not some sort of inexhaustible money machine who in fact usually has far less cash than me.

He loses stuff too, I'm forever buying pencils, rubbers, sharpeners, etc. I dread to think what he'd be like if they got changed for pe in school!

You're expecting far too much of a five year old, and that's without even going into the ASD aspect.

DS doesn't understand money either, he said " why can't you just go to the shop and buy some more?"

My dd is almost ten with ASD academically she is exceptionally able, she has a statement and a TA who helps her organise her stuff and supports her in her friendships rather than help her with schoolwork. I give the dinner money to the teacher, her TA organises her stuff because she would lose and forget things otherwise like your dd. Being HFA and academically able doesn't mean she won't have issues in school, she isn't nearly NT she has a disability and school need to make reasonable adjustments to their systems so that she is enabled to manage whilst she is there. I think you need to remind them of this, before the Easter break as well.

ybvu
your misplacing the blame.

a 5 year old, esp one with sn should not be trusted or have the responabilty of handing money over every week or day. you hNd it to the teacher or office,

the kit, that's not her fault is it, shit happens, iv had two new school branded jumperngo missing even though they where named and had letter home etc for it.

take it up with the school and give your dd a big hug and your self a cofe or betteryet a wine.

OP, your daughter has no concept of money or what things cost or how you come by it. She doesn't care because she doesn't understand.

It sounds like you're really frustrated and that's understandable because ASD is a really tricky condition. Try to calm down and talk to us (and ignore the people who are being rude to you.)

Make an appointment to see the teacher then! It can't be a school rule that you aren't allowed to see her.

Can you move schools? This one does not sound very good.

You are stressed and fed up I get it. But the real issue here is how crappy the school is. I would take a stand and refuse to let my 5 year old be in charge of money like that. I'd be at the office on a Monday morning with the money in an envelope and they would have to accept it because anything else is ridiculous. I would also be asking the school how a PE kit was able to be lost. At 5 years old they would be putting PE bags into a special labelled box (different box per table to make it easier at changing time). The teacher and TA would be checking and helping. What kind of random school is this? Be cross but not with your little girl.

Lowla - Take a deep breath!

I suspect that your meltdown today is the culmination of too much stress and not enough support; your DD is not the problem, but she has become the focal point. You need support, you need strategies, you need the people around you to get a grip. I would start with a visit to your GP, you're overwhelmed and s/he might be able to point you in the right direction.

Just to check you know shoe sizing means the shoe will fit while the foot grows a whole size? So a 7 1/2 will fit til shes an 8 1/2. So when you first get shoes they will always have room and won't be so big you need to stop them. If she is on the small side then get a 7, if the big side get an 8. You would easily be able to tell which is bigger by trying them on.

It sounds as if she is trying to make it up to you, drawing you a picture and writing you a letter saying she will never do it again. Don't know much about asd but as i understand this would be a big thing - I would be amazed at that level of empathy from my nt dd.

I don't think I'm being anywhere near as harsh on the OP as she is being to her DD.

I can empathise with you Lowla. My DD2 has learning disabilities and is a real dolly day dream and forgetful. She's 10 and I hate it when people say Oh Bless Her. I want to scream she's like that at home and its fucking frustrating.

Why are people being so judgey about buying Clarks trainers. My DD has awkward feet too narrow and shallow. I've tried cheap, they didn't fit properly and DD fell over badly.

You sound very stressed out. DD is only 5 and the school should be doing more to help. The dinner money collection is daft. I send a cheque in once a month. Have a or and a good cry if helps and start again tomorrow.

I meant which size fits better of course not bigger.

Hope you're ok lowla, nice to see people taking a kick while you're down. My nt 7 year old is all over the place, in his school career so far he's misplaced loads, that's normal. The school being so shit at helping is not.

She's 5, and my DS is 18 with AS and no LDs.
If you continue to get this angry over acts that are linked to her age and her disability, you will explode in a gigantic bang of sheer fury before she reaches double figures.
It will continue to be a problem until you and she work out strategies to help her function in the world. And you are right, she really doesn't care. However she seems to care about you, making you happy when you are cross, thinking about how you feel and what she could do to help you. Took my son til around 12 before he got to that stage.
Go and insist on some reasonable accommodation and adaptation of the school rules to help her manage. get some help and support for you too, because the causes of your rage won't disappear, so you have to decide what you are going to do about it before you both drown.

Do you think your poor daughter is doing this deliberately? I feel very sorry for your dd - take a deep breath and calm down. She is 5 years old FFS.

I am a reception TA and wouldn't dream of accepting cash from a 5 year old.. I would assume patent was mad to give money to the child/ ringing parent as assume child had somehow got the money snc parent didn't know.. This happens also with phones.

Our school specifically tries to prevent children using cash and we have Internet payment, checks or cash to the office via parent.

Both you and your school seem very unaware of a 5 year olds capabilities here.

Hanging

if the school can't provide for your dd's SEN it is the school's fault, not hers. She needs TA support.

And you buy whatever trainers your dd needs. I'll be damned if my daughter is wearing cheap plastic school shoes on the off chance he loses them.

That was meant to be YY Hanging