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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask are you superman or am just abnormal?

86 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:04

Do you ever get days when you just don't want to be a mum. You just don't want to play or entertain them? You just want to be left alone? She's not being naughty or anything It's just I get fucking sick of it just being me. I know I chose to have her but sometimes it's so bloody hard.
I just need a rant and too see if I'm alone in my thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:07

It was meant to say supermum. Confused

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 31/01/2013 12:10

Nooo not just you. I have it really easy; two children who get along well, supportive hands-on partner, I work part time so not even with them all the time, nice weather, nice house.

But I wake up some mornings and I'm like seriously? Seriously I have to spend all day entertaining/tending to/cleaning up after small children? Again? Didn't I just do this yesterday?

Ponderingonaquandry · 31/01/2013 12:12

Nope everyone needs down time

Dahlen · 31/01/2013 12:12

I think that's pretty normal when DC are small. Despite being full-on, it's the monotony of feeding/changing/bathtime/cleaning up etc ad nauseam that does it. How old is your DD? It does get easier.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:13

Everyday is the same. It's long it's boring and today it's come to a head.
I feel like a shit mum. My mum had her this morning, and I didn't want to come back.
I come back stick her in her jumperoo, as I don't want to play. Accidently trap her finger.
Ends up both crying.
I'm sure she prefers my mum to me.
I don't blame her.
I try to do different things but everyday is still the same.

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/01/2013 12:14

No but my DS is 10 now and I work full time so get lots of time away.

How old is your DD??

I love my son to bits but have never made him my be all and end all, have still persued hobbies and other interests so have never devoted all my time to him anyway. There is nothing wrong with down tooling, letting her entertain herself you know. I have never been that brilliant at the playing aspect although now DS is older it is easier.

We all need time out, don't beat yourself up over it.

Dahlen · 31/01/2013 12:15

What support other than your mum are you getting?

CailinDana · 31/01/2013 12:16

I enjoy most days but I think that's because I feel absolutely no obligation to play with or entertain my DS. I do play with him a bit, perhaps about 2 hours across the day, but other than that he plays by himself, he's eating, sleeping or we're out and about, or he's watching tv. Playing with small children is incredibly boring. DS knows there are certain things I will do - build the train track, read a book, play little imagination games with the teddies but anything else means he'll have to work away on his own. I make sure the week is filled with things I want to do - mainly seeing friends.

Perhaps you're letting your children dictate too much how you use your time?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:16

She's 4 months and I've been alone all along.
I don't like leaving her with anyone as I chose to have her was something my ex says and it's engraved in my mind.
Downtime never seems long enough it's all never ending.

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CowboyPie · 31/01/2013 12:17

You're not a shit mum for needing time out! What other job would expect you to be on call, 24/7, with no set breaks or rest periods and no pay?!

I'm firmly of the belief that you can't be a good parent unless you are a little bit selfish. You have to look after yourself so you're fit to look after others. For me, that means setting time aside to go for a coffee occasionally BY MYSELF, phone off, no interruptions (doing this right now actually, yay Starbucks) and no errands to run.

CailinDana · 31/01/2013 12:17

Just say your third post - are you suffering from PND?

StitchAteMySleep · 31/01/2013 12:17

We all get days like that. How old is your little one?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/01/2013 12:18

it does get easier it really does.

I think you need to just realise your ex is a twat and just because you chose to have her does not mean you have to be tied to her forever.

Let your mum have her more often and recharge your batteries...you will feel so much better.

Cherish the baby days, they are over so blooming quickly. DS's baby days seem like yesterday but he starts senior school this year!!

CowboyPie · 31/01/2013 12:19

Ah, we cross posted. Yes, you chose to have her but you didn't choose to be ground down by it all. Four months is still smack bang in the middle of the 'What the fuck have I done?' phase, where you're wandering around like a bomb has gone off in the middle of your life.

Please, if you have someone to help - LET THEM HELP. It doesn't make you a bad mum. You don't have a point to prove by keeping her with you all the time, y'know.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:20

I have had PND. I've had lots of stress.
I am on 100mg of Venlaflaxine (had to give up BF due to it) all other support such as counselling dried up. I have no real friends in this area and my parents aren't easy to talk to even though we live here.
We're starting to go to playgroup but live in a very posh middle class area, I'm inmate
She's sat in her jumperoo talking to me and I just can't interact. I feel stupid and useless.

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StitchAteMySleep · 31/01/2013 12:21

X-post it is hard. I find it helps to get out of the house to baby and toddler groups and meet some other mums. Have you got any groups near you?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:21

I'm not married and look younger than my 23 years. So no one talks to us. I have a mumsnetter who we email everyday, she's the only one I can talk to really or I post on here

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Dahlen · 31/01/2013 12:22

Having a baby is hard. Doing it by yourself even harder. I'm not surprised you're finding it hard. Accept all and every offer of help that you have. That's not failing to accept responsibility or rejecting your DD, it's taking sensible steps to ensure that you keep yourself physically and emotionally well enough to handle being a lone parent.

It sounds to me as though you could do with a visit to the HV to talk about PND or perhaps try out the freedom programme to undo the negative thoughts planted in your head by your useless ex.

StitchAteMySleep · 31/01/2013 12:22

What area are you in op?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:23

Gosh that post all messed up!
We are starting a toddler group thing on Friday but as I live in a very middle class area and am unmarried and look young they won't talk to me

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Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:24

We are in West Sussex

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yaimee · 31/01/2013 12:24

feel exactly the same some days and know it's already been said but just get them in th pushchair and get out of the house! Nothing worse than crawling up the walls stuck inside and its cabin fever that makes me feel like this most of the time. Your a human being, not just a mum, give yourself a break!

Sticklebug · 31/01/2013 12:25

Sending supportive hugs and vibes.

You are not a bad mum.

I had those feelings with my 2 and I have a partner and lots of support. It is completely normal to feel lost and alone with a baby.

All of the above about getting out to toddler groups if possible, but only other words are that it does get better. I had an awful few months with my second, but he is 9 now and i can barely remember it-and I am sure that he can't.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:27

Thank you all for your kind words. I just always had this image of what I wanted to be as a mum. Plonking baby in activity centre in front of cbeebies is not it

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CailinDana · 31/01/2013 12:28

What's in the image you had?

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