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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask are you superman or am just abnormal?

86 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:04

Do you ever get days when you just don't want to be a mum. You just don't want to play or entertain them? You just want to be left alone? She's not being naughty or anything It's just I get fucking sick of it just being me. I know I chose to have her but sometimes it's so bloody hard.
I just need a rant and too see if I'm alone in my thinking.

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 31/01/2013 16:04

MrsTerryPratchett I'd kill for a bit of Toy Story.

DS is addicted to Takeshi's Castle Sad

CheerfulYank · 31/01/2013 16:08

I get it! DS is five and is really lovely and funny. He really is a great kid. But he talks all the time and sometimes I just want to scream "YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FUCKING TRANSFORMERS FOR TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES WITHOUT TAKING A BREATH AND I CAN'T STAND IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP ITTTTTTTT!!!!" Blush

I really enjoyed baby groups. Just be friendly and any decent person will be friendly back. :) I also always went to the same coffee shops, butchers etc and so everyone knows DS and always has a minute to say hello to us.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/01/2013 16:08

do you watch pramface? I found the last episode really funny but so true, the mum was so desperate for adult company she followed some women from a cafe who seemed 'nice' and it all went downhill from there Smile reminded me of the isolation I felt when mine were little and that feeling that everyone else seemed to find it easy except me. keep asking for help and try not to worry, you are doing your best and it is ok to not be 'perfect' its all bullshit anyway, just make her world safe and happy and you will do fine.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 16:15

Ouch, Alberto. Sad indeed.

However, I have no TV on in the day and I hear "toys, toys, toys, toys" all day. Come the evening, when she gets to watch Toy Story, I think she thinks her persistence has paid off. Argh.

YorkshireDeb · 31/01/2013 16:55

Hope you're feeling a bit better now op - I'm not sure there's any mums out there who don't feel like that sometimes. And I love your comment 'it's just not like the aptimil advert' - so true! I wanted to say how much respect I have for you - bringing up a baby is such a hard job (like someone else mentioned it's probably the only 24/7 one out there - no days off, no breaks!) By the sounds of it you have a very limited support network which makes it even harder. I completely agree with the get out of the house tips. Some days I just took a walk with the pram to get myself out of the house. If you head to your local supermarket you'll find little old ladies talk to you & I loved that for a bit if adult conversation. Ask your gp or sure start centre how you can find out about activities in your area. I take my 4 month old to baby & toddler swimming at the local pool & attend a baby music class as well as doing activities at the children's centre. I think a lot of churches do groups too - some of my friends go to them & although they're not religious they say the people there are really lovely. X

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/01/2013 16:57

have you tried the local to you section here on MN?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 17:23

You've all made me feel so much better Smile
I am now playing with DD Smile

I do watch pramface- I am Laura but I need a Jamie!!
I am going to start the freedom programme Monday and going to playgroup tomo.
I email a lovely MNetter most days, we are in the same position it's lovely we've messaged for over 8 months now.
I also have had a lovely message today from a MNetter who we are going to meet.
Suddenly I feel a tad brighter, and braver.
I wrote a list of things I've achieved since having DD. I got into college the other week too.
I also learnt to latch hook today, my mum bought me a kit for DDs new room to have a rug.
Your support is so gratefully reviewed Smile

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 31/01/2013 17:58

Wow MakeItUp well done you. Having DS was scary enough for me without applying for college or trying anything new.

It sometimes helps just to know you're not the only one who feels like this. And it may surprise you just how many people out there aren't as perfect as they'd like you to think.

Oh and MrsTerryPratchett We're usually out during the day (thank God) but as soon as we get home DS asks for Takeshi's Castle and I'm afraid I give in so I can get the dinner made in peace Blush

CheerfulYank · 31/01/2013 18:00

Good for you!

The "young mum" thing is weird; I'd just turned 25 when I had DS and got comments! I looked a bit younger, maybe, but not shockingly so. Confused

I'll have to remember all these things when I have DC2 in May...I'd forgotten how much a little walk can help! It's so nice to get to know people in the area...we do live in a small town so it's easier, but it makes me feel good (and safe) that so many grownups know DS by name.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 18:06

Good for you, OP. Onwards and upwards.

Duritzfan · 31/01/2013 18:12

Hey x I'm mum to three, Had pnd very badly after ds1 was born - my youngest is 2 but I live in East Sussex and am often in West Sussex - fancy a coffee sometime ?

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 18:18

That would be lovely maybe we can get a small group

OP posts:
kissmyheathenass · 31/01/2013 18:20

Havent read entire thread but you are not abnormal OP. We all feel like that sometimes, it would be abnormal not to.

Duritzfan · 01/02/2013 18:09

Ok well lets set something up .. I am a lot older than you but was a young mum too ... My eldest is 16 .. So I had all the disapproving looks and comments - really used to upset me :(

mrsjay · 01/02/2013 19:06

that is all positive and I feel all warm and fuzzy you feel better, I used to get so lonely some days I would go to the shop twice pretending I had forgotten something reading back it looks really feeble Blush

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 01/02/2013 19:21

Thank you all.
Had a lovely playgroup time, turns out two of the ladies were just like me with their elder ones Smile

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 01/02/2013 21:56

Aw I'm glad to hear it MakeItUp

Onwards and upwards from today eh?

And if ever you're having a bad day you know there's plenty of us on MN who understand.

Thanks for you.

MsAkimbo · 01/02/2013 22:12

All sounds to have been resolved, but just wanted to say NO YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I have a 6mo dd and could have written this very post yesterday, but didn't because all I did was cry. And I have a supportive DH. The fact that you are on your own makes me want to give you a medal.

You.Are.Awesome.

Thanks
trixymalixy · 01/02/2013 22:20

You are totally normal. It is hard, so much harder that you could ever have expected. I used to sob at the relentlessness of it all. Mine are 3 and 5 now and they have their moments, but it does get easier.

Posters on here snort at baby swimming etc,but having a routine and something to get me out of the house was the only thing that kept me sane.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 02/02/2013 20:27

Saturday nights when your in bed at 7.30 at your so thoroughly hacked off that you have no other options is soul destroying.
On the plus side took DD swimming, played with kitchen utensils with her (best toys are free), took the dog and DD for a walk up on the downs, nearly finished DDs latch hook rug and only now have I realised I've not had one adult convo today.
It wasnt too bad, then it hit me.
But it's okay, if I sleep tomo comes quicker and i have got through another day, and today I have been a good mummy Smile

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 02/02/2013 21:58

No. Today you've been a great mummy! Look at all the stuff you're doing for your DD. You should feel proud as you're achieving it all by yourself.

I'm very lucky to have DH but I still have crap days when I think I'm totally useless.

Just thankfully the good days are getting more frequent as DS gets older. Dreading his teens though Grin

BinksToEnlightenment · 02/02/2013 22:11

I know exactly what you mean. Don't feel bad.

People won't admit this often, but babies are hard. They're not fun to be around without a break. And you feel guilty for wanting a break, guilty for having a break, guilty for feeling like it wasn't enough of a break, guilty for thinking you just want to curl up in the dark indefinitely.

I had pnd too. I got better. I love being around my son now. But he's not a baby now. He's a funny, lively, chatty little toddler who sleeps and happily plays by himself half the time.

You're not thinking anything that is unusual or makes you a bad mum. You're going to get through this and one day I bet you'll be like me, telling someone else that they'll be ok and get better and it gets easier too.

sheeesh · 02/02/2013 22:12

Oh wow OP! That was me today. In my head I composed a message for MN asking if there were times when you feel drained by DC and OH.

So no YANBU

Illgetmegoat · 02/02/2013 22:17

Makeitup - today you have been amazing! I think mine would probably swap right now if they could Smile

Please soak up and then hold on to the thought - lots of people on here, very much including me, are proud of you and all you are doing. Then add in being a single parent and coping with PND - you are being supermum right now.

It is so hard but I found that when things were going down hill I just kept on repeating that it wasn't me it was the PND and the things I found hard were not hard, the things I found scary were not scary etc - I had my mantras and they helped. I found it so easy to get lost in how I felt that I couldn't reach the surface, I did what I had to do and what worked for me. Now I look back I can see that I did ok - was I Earth mother goddess or super sorted high achieving mum? No. did I keep my baby safe, fed, warm and feeling loved? Yes. Are they any the worse for it? No.

Sometimes it's a case of keeping on keeping on, for all of us.

jjuice · 02/02/2013 22:36

DD had colic and her DF was an arse. I remember driving through the streets of local town trying to get her to sleep as people were coming out of clubs and thinking WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE?
Fast forward 15 years she is my best friend. sat watching dvd with her last night as we did each others make up and giggled all eveing.

Makeitup it's hard it's tiring but omg it's worth it. You are being an amazing mum. The very fact that it bothers you shows that.

The baby stage is soon gone and she will develop her own personality and you will start to enjoy her company more. deep breath hang on in.