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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask are you superman or am just abnormal?

86 replies

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:04

Do you ever get days when you just don't want to be a mum. You just don't want to play or entertain them? You just want to be left alone? She's not being naughty or anything It's just I get fucking sick of it just being me. I know I chose to have her but sometimes it's so bloody hard.
I just need a rant and too see if I'm alone in my thinking.

OP posts:
MrsHelsBels74 · 31/01/2013 12:30

Definitely not just you! Sometimes I live for the days DS1 goes to nursery! Am having child free afternoon tomorrow & can't wait.

I adore my boys but do find being a mum hard work.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:31

Being fun, doing fun things with her. Reading to her, singing to her, sitting in her bumbo playing. Making her laugh and smile.
Enjoying feeding her.
Not just sitting here wondering when my next adult conversation is, if I will ever have a cuddle again, if anyone will ever call me, if ill ever not have sick in my hair, if ill ever want to play with her, if she will ever laugh and smile for me more than my mum.

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CailinDana · 31/01/2013 12:34

At four months she won't be responding very much at all. So doing things with her won't get a huge reaction - she might give a tiny smile now and again but other than that the world is an overwhelming place to her and she doesn't really understand anything yet so she won't give you much feedback.

All those things that you're wondering about - they will happen, definitely. But your PND is clouding your thoughts and making you feel like this is your life forever. I think it's time to go back to the GP and either have your meds adjusted, ask for counselling, or both. Are you in contact with a health visitor or children's centre?

MrsHelsBels74 · 31/01/2013 12:34

I had so many ideas & rules about how my child would be brought up, e.g. no TV, no junk food etc etc.

It all went out the window & am sometimes disappointed by the fact that I'm not the earth mother figure I expected to be.

sparkle12mar08 · 31/01/2013 12:35

Some days I get what I call "touched out" - I can't bear them physically crawling on me, tugging at me and so on, I don't want to be mauled about with. And other days it's more mental/emotional - I just haven't the mental energy or patience for anything more than plonking meals on the table and turning the telly on. It's not just you, we all have those days, all of us.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:38

I think the GP is a good idea.
My surestart centre is okay but I can't be honest to the staff as all the parents that go seem to look down on me.
She is more 5 months than four and beams and chuckles at my mum

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intravenouscoffee · 31/01/2013 12:40

At the risk of being controversial, 4 month old babies are really dull. With both of mine I found the first year boring, repetitive and exhausting. With DD (my first) it certainly wasn't what I'd imagined either.

Some people love the baby stage, I tolerated it because once they get bigger it's easier and much more fun.

I know how you feel, have been there and got the vomit-covered t shirt. See if there are some other toddler groups or activity groups you could try. If you can find a couple of people who you can chat to it makes the whole thing MUCH more bearable.

You're not a bad mum. Please believe that.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/01/2013 12:43

It's all well and good having ideas about the sort of mum you want to be but you need to be realistic and realise you physically cannot be there every minute of every day.

I didn't realise until I became a mum that I had a distinct lack of patience! I am not as understanding as I thought I was and am certainly a lot more selfish that I thought I was.

You are not a bad mum, you are a typical mum so please don't feel bad!!

CailinDana · 31/01/2013 12:44

I don't know if others agree but I find babies are more responsive with other people than with their mums - perhaps it's the novelty? Even now at 2 DS is over the moon when DH or Nanna arrives but couldn't give two hoots whether I'm there or not! I wouldn't take the lack of smiles personally. You're her mum and she feels safe and comfortable around you - babies usually smile at that age out of surprise or novelty and your mum is something different and unusual.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:51

You really are all so very very kind

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 12:58

You really are all so very very kind

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SPBInDisguise · 31/01/2013 13:06

Please make an effort to go to groups. es there will be the odd person who looks down on you for being a young mum but the vast majority will not care/think about it. 4/5 months is really hard iirc, they're old enough that you're meant to be "coping", but too young to actually do any sodding thing (inc holding own head up!) independently. And you're doing this alone, which I imagine makes the feelings of complete and utter tied downness five times as bad.

SPBInDisguise · 31/01/2013 13:10

although make sure you read this thread before you go, and come and report back or take your pan pipes

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 13:19

Smile Just had a little walk.
She's asleep so researching the freedom programme. Booked our playgroup for tommorow are researching that thread. Ill give you a full report.
Ill try more to ask for help too

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 31/01/2013 15:25

I had PND and was also on my own. Because I had chosen to have Dd in this way I also felt I had no right ever to moan. I pretended to be maniacally happy just to cover the fact that I actually felt like I couldn't cope and was horribly dissapointed with myself at being such a "rubbish mum".

These were the things that helped me, going out and about every single day, getting a coffee or taking a flask and while Dd slept, reading a book in a cafe or just relaxing. Meeting other mums (it took me a few months to find a group that I enjoyed) who were relaxed, open and honest, accepting offers of help from family and friends.

Gradually as the PND lifted I felt better and more "me". By the time Dd was about 1 I could look back with some perspective snd realise I was not a terrible mum at all, I was depressed and isolated. It really does get better as well as easier. It has been absolutely wonderful for years now.

Just because having a baby was something you chose doesn't make it easy. I wish you loads of luck but come here for more support if you need it.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 15:30

Cherries- that's me!

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 31/01/2013 15:37

I remember when DS was about that age I had to get out every day or I went mad. Even in the rain I'd go long walks with him in his pram just so that he'd have a nap and I'd get some ME time. That ME time consisted of me sitting on a tesco wine carrier bag under a tree, reading last week's newspaper, DS snoring contentedly beside me.

Mums and Tods was a real life saver too. Yes, you'll always get those mums who look great, full make-up and stain free clothes but you also find mums just like you. The frazzled, shell-shocked ones Grin

It's only now DS is 2 that I'm actually enjoying being a mother Blush

Stick in there OP it does get better but please don't be afraid to ask for help.

Original poster
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 31/01/2013 15:38

It's just not like the aptamil advert is it.

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mrsjay · 31/01/2013 15:41

when dd was small I used to hide in the bathroom just to get a bit of peace and quiet you are not alone but it does and will get better,

Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 15:50

Didn't I just do this yesterday?

I ask this a lot.

maddening · 31/01/2013 15:52

Do a baby class every day I reckon - maybe swimming one day, a couple of regular classes (i found baby massage and one of those where you all sing songs and bang musical instruments were good for learning things you can do) a couple of baby groups. If you go to the same ones then you'll get chatting and find friends.

And don't write of the mc mums - they probably aren't looking down on you like you think - plus they'll have nice biscuits of you go round for a brew :).

I have a "posh" accent (no dialect really) and often feel shunned for that - but I know it's probably just my insecurities. Plus if someone writes me off because of my accent then they are probably being twattish and are no great loss.

AlbertoFrog · 31/01/2013 15:53

I had so many great ideas of how parenthood was going to be. How we were going to raise DS. What we'd feed him. How many hours of TV he'd watch etc.

Real life kind of got in the way.

Btw a word of warning for the future - the childrens' programmes that you find the most irritating, annoying or mind numbingly boring are the ones your wee one will want to watch over and over and over again Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 15:53

Babies are boring to some people and relentless. DD is much more fun now she is 2. I hated the baby times and I wasn't depressed or alone.

You will have times when life is like an advert, I do. They are not all the time. Stop being so hard on yourself. I know we all do it and I think maybe it is so that we are at least adequate parents, rather than really bad ones. We feel horrible that we are not perfect but at least we are trying.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2013 15:54

Alberto I want to kill Woody and Buzz so I feel your pain Grin

maddening · 31/01/2013 15:56

Ps I understand the isolation thing - I live 30 miles from my hometown and no no one locally really well - it is tough - the baby groups kept me going and gave me some structure to my day.

And if you have been down get out in the daylight as much as you can - vitamin d can help a lot - I've booked some sunlight therapy and looking forward to it.