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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think these children shouldn't be home alone for a fortnight!

199 replies

mumsnit · 29/01/2013 16:38

My friend has started to regularly go away on holiday with her new partner and leaving her two kids at home. She was away 4 times last year and has just gone away again. The eldest is 15 and is doing her GCSE s this year, and the youngest is 12. They are going to school and managing to cook for themselves etc but she hasn't asked anyone to keep an eye on them officially or anything. Her ex p is around sometimes but lives elsewhere with his new family.

I'm really concerned about their welfare. Am I being over the top about this or should I be worried? I have tried to talk to her but she's obsessed with this bloke (who couldn't really care less about her kids Sad) and she can't see past his needs.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 29/01/2013 20:55

What did they say?

scottishmummy · 29/01/2013 20:56

if you have concerns or things deteriorate do call duty team sw dept.
it's not wasting resources,it doesn't divert from someone else, let sw assess if needed

TalkinPeace2 · 29/01/2013 21:00

mumsnit
You did the right thing by going round.
And if their Dad's car was on the drive there is the shocking possibility that he is enjoying some quality time with them while their Mum is away.
And if you cannot see their drive from your house then actually even more reason to make a point of checking their lights are on in the evening.
If they were not getting to school then school would deal.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 29/01/2013 21:00

My cousin has 2 boys the same ages. They would be perfectly able to cope in this situation and in an emergency (in fact, in an emergency I'd rather have them around than a lot of adults I know!!). They are very 'able' with regards to meals, washing (clothes, themselves, dishes) and would get themselves to school no problem etc

They would love this opportunity :) Unfortunately for them they have a cat in hells chance of getting it! The GP's go and stay even if my cousin is just going to be out late Grin

If you think the kids are coping OK I'd leave it, call them and see if they need anything, make sure they have your number etc and talk to your friend when she gets back, see what the arrangement actually was. If the partner isn't a nice bloke, the kids might actually be better off on their own for a couple of weeks now and then with their Dad dropping in etc.

comingintomyown · 29/01/2013 21:02

Utterly depressing thread

It isnt just that two weeks is an outrageously long time but that she is on holiday so presumably some distance from home should something go wrong.

Unspeakably selfish

houseelfdobby · 29/01/2013 21:04

I am not sure what the problem is if the children are indeed washed, well fed and happy. My parents' generation left home at 15 (eg my dad went off to sea on his 15th birthday, and my mother to be nurse). Those posters who are panicking and saying phone SS, what do they think SS will do?? It does not seem likely that any good would come of care proceedings or foster care. I am almost certain it is not what the DC would wish for but, OP, you can ask them and see if they are ok.

If there were any sign that the DC were NOT coping, or were miserable, then is the moment to intervene. Meantime, let them know you are there as a friend/neighbour to be called/ texted if there is a problem or just if they are hungry or lonely.

There are enough people with real problems to add two seemingly happy teenagers with the run of their house to the burden that befalls the social services.

LineRunner · 29/01/2013 21:07

So the father is there?

scottishmummy · 29/01/2013 21:10

frankly regaling with tales of own home alone,just get on with it, doesn't cut it
it's irrelevant whether or not some if you were left to it,or not
and like it or not,standards of what's acceptable have changed and are fluid. because latchkey kid used to be norm for some doesnt mean it's a universally ok now

LineRunner · 29/01/2013 21:11

But they're not home alone. Their father's there.

NonnoMum · 29/01/2013 21:11

Bugger that your parents generation left home at 16 - THIS ISN'T TWO GENERATIONS AGO!

TalkinPeace2 · 29/01/2013 21:12

scottishmummy
because latchkey kid used to be norm for some doesnt mean it's a universally ok now
there are far more latchkey kids now than there ever used to be because so many parents both work.

TalkinPeace2 · 29/01/2013 21:14

NonnoMum
Indeed.
When I was alone I had no way of contacting my mum.
Kids today have mobile phones, internet, skype etc etc
its much safer for them now.

Hulababy · 29/01/2013 21:15

Definitely too young to be left alone for any length of time on their own.
The 12y is too young to be left home alone overnight even for one night!
The 15y is too young to be left with such a huge responsibility, especially for any length of time.
TBH I think a 15y is too young to be left home alone overnight at all.

And yes - tell school. Of course telling school is a responsible thing to do and schools WILL indeed act on such information. Whilst schools are only locus parentus they do actually take note of how well a child is looked after and how they are kept safe beyond that, including in the home.

I am surprised anyone could ever advocate leaving two school children home alone for a fortnight's holiday, and a 12 year for any length of nights home alone!

Hulababy · 29/01/2013 21:16

Unless the ex-p is supervising the children overnight I still thing this is inadequate supervision for two school aged children.

scottishmummy · 29/01/2013 21:17

chunterring on well was ok back in my day/for me isn't a sensible response
it's bit well was alright for me,so therefore must be okay for them
I rode bike with no helmet, but I make my dc wear helmet as standards change

TalkinPeace2 · 29/01/2013 21:18

schools WILL indeed act on such information
what action will they / can they / should they take?

houseelfdobby · 29/01/2013 21:18

What exactly are people worried about happening to those teenagers that couldn't happen to them at 16? Social services is not a bottomless pit. Lots of DC are in genuine distress/ poor circumstances and need help from Social Services who are already overstretched. Why bother them with this? What possible good could come out of it? Do posters think that these children would be better off taken away from their home at great expense to the taxpayer and at disputable benefit to the children and a lot of disruption (it doesn't sound like it - it sounds that, whilst not ideal, they are coping).

LineRunner · 29/01/2013 21:22

*I am surprised anyone could ever advocate leaving two school children home alone for a fortnight's holiday

Preobably because no-one actually is.

scottishmummy · 29/01/2013 21:22

at 16 still regarded as child under child protection.being 16 isn't issue
this doesn't divert resources,assessment team/duty funded for referrals and assessment
day to day allocated case work is different from new assessment and duty

ThedementedPenguin · 29/01/2013 21:25

I think yabu. I was left home alone from the age of 13. Noone was ever asked to keep an eye on me. Although I was very smart, could cook, clean and keep the house. I also stayed and looked after my younger siblings when needed.

Having said that, my auntie lived very close and would of only taking a few minutes to come round if need be.

Are you sure she has no one keeping an eye on them? Of close by in case of emergency?

scottishmummy · 29/01/2013 21:27

oh well then there we are,was ok for you,so must be ok for everyone
not necessarily so

Hulababy · 29/01/2013 21:28

The mother of these two children appear to have thought it ok.
From the original post it appeared the father was okay with it as well, though this has since been amended via a more recent post.

LineRunner · 29/01/2013 21:28

The Duty Team will take the call and make the assessment. But they have to refer on to a case worker if it's warranted, and needs investigating.

But one of the first questions they'll rightly ask is, 'Where's the father?'

If the shoe was on the other foot, as the other parent I'd like to be asked to get involved. We read so many threads and posts on here by NRPs who feels locked out and left out -they are not all shits.

shallweshop · 29/01/2013 21:29

Houseelf - one of the kids isn't even a teenager yet and the fact is that they are being put at risk being placed in this situation. Social Services are not just there to 'take children away', but also to work with parents who may need some guidance. I think a stern word from them to the parents would be in order and a warning of likely consequences if the children continue to be left alone in this way.

scottishmummy · 29/01/2013 21:32

there some absolute exaggeration and hyperbole going on this thread
children home,family separated,that's not the start point.at all
if assessment undertaken a plan may be liaison,support,and an agreed to plan to support family