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AIBU?

to think these children shouldn't be home alone for a fortnight!

199 replies

mumsnit · 29/01/2013 16:38

My friend has started to regularly go away on holiday with her new partner and leaving her two kids at home. She was away 4 times last year and has just gone away again. The eldest is 15 and is doing her GCSE s this year, and the youngest is 12. They are going to school and managing to cook for themselves etc but she hasn't asked anyone to keep an eye on them officially or anything. Her ex p is around sometimes but lives elsewhere with his new family.

I'm really concerned about their welfare. Am I being over the top about this or should I be worried? I have tried to talk to her but she's obsessed with this bloke (who couldn't really care less about her kids ) and she can't see past his needs.

OP posts:

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flowersfortea · 29/01/2013 17:13

YANBU - but couldn't you offer to help / pop round / be emergency phone contact for the kids?

flowersfortea · 29/01/2013 17:13

oops sorry cross posted there!

FlouncingMintyy · 29/01/2013 17:14

A fortnight is definitely far too long! Am really sad for those children that neither their mother nor father can see this.

HecateWhoopass · 29/01/2013 17:17

15 and 12?
Perhaps you should phone social services and ask what they think. See what the guidance is on it.
Can you help the kids?
They must be scared. At night particularly. I would be!
And what if word got round a house was empty but for two young girls?
Party? Crashing? Etc.
I think they are vulnerable and someone should be making sure they are ok.

shallweshop · 29/01/2013 17:18

I would ring Social Services, they are too young to be left alone.

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2013 17:23

If they're not in danger, have food, heating, money and the means to get to school...social services won't be interested.

Are you absolutely sure they don't have a neighbour or someone looking out for them?

paulapantsdown · 29/01/2013 17:23

Well its a pretty shit situation that the mother thinks its ok to leave her kids for extended periods of time 4 TIMES to go off shagging her new bloke on a jolly, leaving a 12 year old to be looked after by a 15 year old. And their dad doesn't see it as a problem either. Poor kids.

She sounds like the type of mum who can't wait for her kids to grow up and leave home so she can get on with her love life.

Yes I am hoiking up my judgy pants but she is a disgrace.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 29/01/2013 17:24

This is awful, definitely ring social services. I wouldn't be able to sleep with worry.
What is the mother thinking?

valiumredhead · 29/01/2013 17:24

15 - depends on the child tbh, I house sat with my best mate as her parents went on holiday for a fortnight, we had a blast cooking and watching videos, we even had a proper dinner party one night and invited a few friends over - no wild parties at all. I can't remember where her sister was, I have a feeling she went to stay with relatives but we were left to get on with things and we did and managed perfectly well and that included an hour's bus journey to school every morning.

I have mixed feelings on the 12 year old.

I would pop round and see what's what before contacting anyone.

abbeynationall · 29/01/2013 17:26

Op, If you are truly concerned about the kids welfare, please pop in whenever you can and check on them. I am sure you know the consequences of making this known to the authorities and unfortunately the children will be affected by it more than "Mummy being away" might. Now if are a true friend, then be there for her during this period of temporary insanity and please don't expect a thank you just do it because its the right thing to do.

valiumredhead · 29/01/2013 17:27

I agree - for all you know OP the ex might be on hand much more than you think.

dreamingofsun · 29/01/2013 17:28

wiki.answers.com/Q/A_what_age_can_a_child_look_after_younger_siblings

can't link - but some guidance on this

agree with paula - this is a disgrace and makes me wonder what else goes on within the house during the rest of the year (or doesn't that should)

cozietoesie · 29/01/2013 17:28

Could you maybe invite them over to yours for a night or two - or for supper during the week or something? (Picking them up and dropping them back if possible.) That way you could see the lie of the land a bit better.

sparkle9 · 29/01/2013 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum11970 · 29/01/2013 17:31

I have a 15 and 12 year old and wouldn't even contemplate leaving the home alone overnight. Not a chance I'd gone holiday. Not sure who you'd speak to though. Do you know their grandparents?

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2013 17:32

I am sure you know the consequences of making this known to the authorities and unfortunately the children will be affected by it more than "Mummy being away" might.

What consequences?

She's not breaking any laws - assuming she's left them food, money and they're not in danger etc...

valiumredhead · 29/01/2013 17:34

sparkle I would have thought that as the school has a duty of care towards the child any concerns should be reported by the school, can you imagine the uproar if something was reported to the school and for some reason it wasn't reported to the SS by the concerned party and something terrible happened?

Startail · 29/01/2013 17:37

My DDs are that age (although I'm guessing a school year younger)

No way would I leave them alone that long.

One night in an emergency, yes. But no longer.

No way would it be fair on DD1, because big and grown up though she likes to pretend to be, DD2 only likes to be on her own for an hour or two.

abbeynationall · 29/01/2013 17:37

Liberty Social services' involvement and the outcome that of that?

LineRunner · 29/01/2013 17:38

If you tell the school they will, if anything, ring Social Services who will want to know why the DC's father can't take some responsibility. Why can't he?

MoodyDidIt · 29/01/2013 17:39

poor kids

no, they are too young IMO

can't stand parents who put their DPs before their own bloody kids

abbeynationall · 29/01/2013 17:39

Sorry that should read - outcome of that

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WorraLiberty · 29/01/2013 17:41

abbey why do you assume they would get involved?

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2013 17:43

I'm not saying it's right to bugger off for a fortnight and leave them both by the way, just that she's not breaking the law as long as she's put all the proper measures in place.

Poor kids though

abbeynationall · 29/01/2013 17:47

I'm not very sure but as far as am aware a 15 year old is not deemed capable of looking after his/herself plus another child for such periods of time. They may be capable in the eyes of the parent but I don't think the authorities will eagerly agree. They may have food, and warmth but as far as safety and / or security is concerned , those kids are very vulnerable.

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