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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to have told DH to go f*** himself

369 replies

catgirl1976 · 28/01/2013 20:14

Background:

I work FT in a really demanding job. We have a 14mo DS. DH doesn't work, lost him job 2.5 years ago . Had a break, then I got pg and we decided it would be nice for him to be at home with the baby whilst I was on Mat Leave. Although I was back at work pt when DS was 1 month old and full time when he was 5 months old. He's looking for work now (but not very hard). I do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, bill paying etc.

DH picked me up from work tonight and then we picked DS up from DMs who has him on Monday. Tues and Thurs he's at nursery, Wed I work from home and Fridays DH has sole care of him. I get up with him every morning, except Sundays , when I get a lie in.

At DMs it was clear DS was tired and hungry. There is no food in the house and DH hasn't cooked anything (never does). I'm knackered so say "We'll get fish and chips on the way home." Quick, cheap and DS likes them.

DH pulls a face and says "We had chips last night"

Which to be fair is true(oven chips and we normally eat pretty well, it's just how it's fallen) but I cba shelpping round the supermarket, then cooking etc. DH then goes "But OK then we will"

DH parks near fish and chip shop. I go out in howling gale, get Fish and Chips. We need to stop at local shop for some cat food etc. Again, it's me that gets out, runs rounds shop, pick up I box cat food, 1 bottle diet coke, get back in car.

DH turns to me and says "What happened? Was there a massive queue?" (With massive, arsey edge to voice)

I say "No. No queue. Why?"

DH: "Well you were gone about 15 minutes"

Me: Hmm "No, I wasn't. I was about 5 minutes."

DH: (really arsey) "They played two songs on the radio"

Like I was having a lovely browse in co-op Hmm

Me: "Oh fuck off DH"

Get home. DH grabs his food, goes and eats in living room. I feed DS, play with him, bath him, change him, give him his bottle, story and put him to bed. DH played computer games. Which is what he has done all day. He has tidied the kitchen and taken the re-cycling out, but left washing up in the sink and the rest of the house is a bombsite. I've had a hard, shit, long day at work and the period from hell.

WIBU to have told him to fuck off? Would I be further unreasonable to tell him to fuck off some more?

Sorry that was long. I needed to rant. I feel better now.

OP posts:
GetOrf · 28/01/2013 20:22

He is a lazy twat. Bloody hell what an exhausting sounding life you have.

Why does he contribute nothing at all?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 28/01/2013 20:22

To quote someone very wise (although I can't remember who)

Tell him to fuck the fuck off. And when he gets there to fuck off some more.

Seriously, what does he do?

deleted203 · 28/01/2013 20:22

YANBU. He is taking the piss. If you are working full time then IMO he should be doing the cleaning, washing, cooking and child care as (presumably) he would expect you to do if the roles were reversed. He sounds an idle, lazy, useless bugger to not mince words. I think feeding, bathing, bottle, bedtime story, etc on your part is fair enough - presumably you are wanting to spend time with DS after a day at work - but I'm fucked if I can imagine you wanting to do the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry or bill paying! If he is a SAHD then he needs to imagine what he would expect from a SAHM and just step up to the plate. Tell him to get his fucking arse in gear!

pictish · 28/01/2013 20:22

When does he do his fair share?
Your OP tells us the exact opposite is true!

ExasperatedSigh · 28/01/2013 20:23

he clearly doesn't do his fair share with ds.

WhateverTrevor · 28/01/2013 20:23

Bloody hell, is all that true?
Why do you pay for a nursery when dh is at home?
Why do you do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and bill paying??
I cannot understand why you have allowed this to happen?
I am gobsmacked.

ChaoticintheNewYear · 28/01/2013 20:23

What does your DH contribute to your relationship/family?

Does he have a solid gold cock? Confused

TheSecondComing · 28/01/2013 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nefertarii · 28/01/2013 20:23

how does he do his fair share with ds?

He doesn't work and only has your ds one day a week.

pictish · 28/01/2013 20:23

How is he great with your ds? He's at home all day yet leaves the bulk of the care to anyone other than himself!
That's not 'great' that's shit!!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 28/01/2013 20:23

Wow. So you were at work all day, your DS was at your DMs leaving your DH at home all day to well, what really?

You are enabling I hate to say. When he pulled a face at chips the response should have been "You have been home all day what have you prepared for dinner?"

You'll be lucky if he gets his arse in gear sufficiently to get a job. If he does that in the next few months then the relationship might just at a pinch be salvageable, if not then good luck.

Oh on a lighter note I'd recommend home delivery of groceries. Time it when DH is in so at least he actually unpacks some food as part of his strenous round of daily activities. You'll cover the cost of delivery by not getting takeaways.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/01/2013 20:24

Why does your child have so many people looking after him if your dh doesn't work?

DM loves having him 1 day a week (and DS loves it too). Nursery 2 days was so DH could get a job. Originally he was going to do freelance graphic design and did have a bit of work but its dried up and he's not done anything to find more

He is great with DS though.

I am just fecking exausted tonight.

OP posts:
nefertarii · 28/01/2013 20:24

Quite honestly. I would rather be a single parent than a parent to a man child who does shit all, all day and then moans about how long you are in a shop.

rubyslippers · 28/01/2013 20:24

re-read your OP

how does he do his fair share???

unless this week has been a one off, in which case i stand corrected

he can't be great with his DS if he can't even be bothered to cook him a meal - how much effort is a baked potato with beans and cheese or putting a piece of chicken under a grill

OP - you are working like a dog at work and at home - you get up every morning with your DS whilst your DP arses about

juneybean · 28/01/2013 20:25

So he doesn't cook, he takes care of his child one day a week, what's he doing the rest of the time?

Numberlock · 28/01/2013 20:26

Yeah he's a great dad and role model for his son isn't it. You'll be so proud when he grows up to treat women like shit too won't you?

rubyslippers · 28/01/2013 20:26

your DH has two clear days to job hunt when your DS is at nursery

WhateverTrevor · 28/01/2013 20:26

You seem to be ignoring most of the questions.
Why does he do ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL during the day?
Why do you think this is ok???.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/01/2013 20:26

And I do love giving DS his bath and cuddles and story etc as I don't see enough of him so I dont begrudge that. DH will often do that with me or on his own if I'm really knackered. So he does do a lot with DS in that respect and at weekends.

Just nothing around the house and doesn't seem to appreciate how tired I am

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 28/01/2013 20:27

Ok I'm going to be unreasonable myself I really can't help but point out that this is not the first time you have posted about your lazy ass-- DH, his lack of housework, his proclivity for playing computer games, his not looking for work very hard.... You have been told before he's a cocklodger and I know you hate that but honestly, 18 months later and what has improved? He sounds exactly the same!

It's INSANE that you have this high-powered job and are still doing all the cleaning and cooking, that your out of work DH only has to take care of DS ONE DAY, that you only get one lie-in a week.

I'm sorry to be that bitch who won't just let you rant but I really have to ask, why do you put up with this bullshit? You deserve a proper partner and someone who respects you. How much longer are you going to put up with this?

nefertarii · 28/01/2013 20:27

DM loves having him 1 day a week (and DS loves it too). Nursery 2 days was so DH could get a job. Originally he was going to do freelance graphic design and did have a bit of work but its dried up and he's not done anything to find more

So take him out of nurseery and let the stay at home parent look after him. He is great with your son on the one day a week he has him? Super.

I am going to be a sahm and put as in nursery. Sounds like ab amazingly cushy life.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/01/2013 20:27

I don't know why he does fuck all during the day

Probably because we have sleep-walked into a situation where he does and I enable him to do so :(

OP posts:
pictish · 28/01/2013 20:28

Oh he gives him a bath now and then? We stand corrected...he is clearly a prince among men. Hmm

wigglesrock · 28/01/2013 20:28

You keep saying he's great with ds as if thats something - he should be "great" with his own child. That shouldn't be a plus point - it should be standard .

No he doesn't do his fair share, he's not even making you happy.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 28/01/2013 20:29

Is it really 18 months dreaming?

That's actually a bit of a reality check.......

OP posts:
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