To not let my DS learn to dive.

[Sandy11]

My DS is 16 and wants to lean to dive. He says he has found a club for beginners of his age and really wants to learn. He is quite shy and has not had many hobbies. The only problem is that the lessons would last from 4 - 6 pm on a Sunday. The centre is miles away in the city and I am not prepared to drive so he would have to go on the train. I am worried that something bad would happen to him he is 16 but I don't think as a parent I should let him travel far about an hours journey on the train at them times. It would not affect his school work but you don't know who lurks about today. He is really shy and feel guilty for not letting him do this and it is not expensive either. Am I being unreasonable stopping him?

Is this the DS posting perhaps?

I live on the outskirts of Birmingham and driving would cost too much money. For a month and a half his lessons would cost £36.50 and the train fare about £12 per time. All I worry about is the walk from the diving centre to the train station the centre of Birmingham is dodgy at any time.

You mean it would cost more than 12.50 in petrol per lesson?

City centres will still be busy at 4 and 6pm. Its not like he'd be coming back at midnight, and it will get lighter soon anyway.

At 6pm on a Sunday? Really?

And why would driving him there cost too much? It wouldn't cost £12 in fuel would it (unless you drive a Formula 1 car or a helicopter maybe)? Could you not pick him up and let him get the train there?

Unless it's in a spectacularly dodgy part of town, not just simply "the centre" (I don't know Birmingham well) then you must let him go. At 16, being out at 6pm in the city centre is a totally normal thing to do.

You are damaging him by smothering him. Sorry to be harsh, I know you want the best for him, but stopping him do something positive and healthy like diving because of your fears is not good for him.

If the real problem is that you can't afford it, how about encouraging him to get a Saturday job to pay for it?

Oh yeah its a Sunday, forgot about that.

You can reduce the train fare by getting him a 16 to 35 rail card.
There may be others getting the train so he may have someone to walk to the station with.

He can afford it, it is just a bit of a waste when he can do so many other things in Stoke such as Tennis, Squash, Badminton etc... But he says he doesn't want to do them and likes and finds diving interesting.

The centre of Birmingham is perfectly fine, and there are so many people around new street it is exceptionally unlikely you will run into some "dodgy" person without anyone else around. I was regularly in Birmingham at about 9pm at his age for after school lectures at the uni, it was fine.

Where is the diving club though? I didn't realise there was one in the centre of B'ham.

Its not a waste! God your son has found something he wants to try, he should be perfectly capable of getting there and back and you are just coming up with pathetic excuses.

Don't want to drive
Don't want him getting the train
Its dark
He is skinny

Let him go and let him start browsing up!

growing up not browsing...

Oh I though "browsing up" must be a local term. I read it in a Brum accent

Its not a waste! He clearly doesn't want to do something which involves a racket!

How would you like it if you wanted to take up pottery really badly but were told you couldn't and it was a waste because you could do photography or life drawing instead? Or you wanted to learn Spanish because you have dreams of living in Spain but were told you could only do German or French?

Just because they are both sporty activities doesn't mean he will be good at or interested in both.

I also don't mind the train journey just returning at 6pm it will be near dark and walking to a train station at near night there could be anyone there.

DS is just 13yo; every Sunday he walks 2/3 mile to train station, goes to the city, a 1 mile walk thru the city to play Warhammer & gets back on the train around 5:15pm when it's long gone dark. There are no street lights down our road either. Half the time he doesn't have a phone or it's run out of charge.

Didn't realise I was allowing something so risky.

(I'll sink on bended knees in prayer of thanks if DS is that keen to do anything at 16)

Lol I am not from Birmingham, tho I have visited plenty of times, we went to so me English literature speeches there when doing a levels they were rather dull and we bunked off and wandered around the city etc, some fab little record shops. The talks went on till 6pm and we had all been told to bring money and were then sent off at 6pm to go get dinner and had to meet back at the coach for 10pm. This was lower 6th form so we were all 16/17 yes old.

If he finds diving interesting, you should encourage it!

I'd be delighted if my DS wants to travel to do a sport when he's 16. You should be proud of him :)

Don't ever move to the north of Scotland op. There days it isn't light till about ten and dark again by three! If we all had your attitude there would be no kids sent to school

Oh my goodness am I really reading this? Basically you don't approve of his chosen hobby and are putting up as many barriers as you can till he picks a sport you will 'allow' him to play i.e the Tennis, Squash, Badminton comment above.

You ought to take a step back and take a good look at your self! I hope your son finds a way around your tyranny I really do!

Diving just seems to be a bit of a 'fad' due to the Olympics, Splash and Tom Daley etc.. It seems way to far to travel for something that he may not like in the future.

YABVU.

Your son has had the initiative to find these classes for himself - pretty good for shy, don't you think? He is perfectly capable of making the train journey. If it really bothers you so much (and 6pm on a Sunday at Birmingham New St is pretty busy and safe) then you must drive him. I doubt that petrol and parking would cost more than £12, so I reject your given reason of cost for not doing it. But, IMO it will be better for him to get the train anyway. At this age you should be encouraging him to take small steps towards independence, and this would be an excellent step.

Well done your son for doing this. Please stop wrapping him in cotton wool, at 16 he really needs to be testing his wings now.

Its not too far for him to travel!!!

And maybe it will be a 'fad' and he will give it up but you say 'he can afford it' so its his money?! Or he may really like it, either way yabvvvu!!

ll I was thinking about this and I would consider allowing ds to travel alone to the next city (Bristol) if there was something he really wanted to do - he's not yet 13!

I'd probably pick him up from the station though because the buses are crap at that time on a Sunday and I'm a pushover.

something that he may not like in the future.

Eh?

So we shouldn't let our children take part in activities they might go off of? Those riding lessons ds had when he was 7-9 were a waste?

Listen to yourself woman!

Oh and what Where said. Also, parking in central Birmingham is cheap as chips. You could go and do something for yourself to kill those two hours if you really couldn't bear to let him travel alone.

I could understand driving all that way if he was younger and good at it but starting diving at 16 just for a hobby seems to far. I mean he said it could lead to competitions if he is any good but it just seems to be a complete fad.

My ds1 is 13 and would happily let him do this, he is getting the train to London this summer To go and stay with relatives, two hours on the train and the relatives are half an hour from London so he will go into London for a day or two whilst there.... Is obviously an incredibly lax mother..