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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use dd's birthday gift cards on myself?

302 replies

Lira · 26/01/2013 20:58

DD (5) recently had a birthday and a giant party. She got a loads of presents from family (grandparents always spoil her rotten), and ended up with either presents/money/giftcards from her school friends that came to her party.

She doesn't need a single thing. She's got clothes for the next year, and a stack of vouchers from Christmas to get her new clothes and shoes when she eventually does need them. She doesn't need any new toys/books etc either.

My house is swimming in toys that haven't even been opened since her party 3 weeks ago.

My Hoover died today. So i was thinking of using 3 of the Argos vouchers she got (£30 worth) to help buy a new one. They expire by December anyway, and i can't see her needing anything from Argos before then.

I couldn't bring myself to touch her birthday money, however, as that can always be saved.

My friend reckons i should just 'borrow' the cards and pay dd the £30 back when i can.

But i honestly don't think she'll miss them and shouldn't feel obliged to 'owe' dd back in too much of a hurry.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
AnneTwacky · 27/01/2013 15:20

That money was not given to you it was given to your DD so you should give her the £30 back to be saved with the rest of her birthday money if there's really nothing she needs.

Just because she won't realise doesn't mean it's ok not to pay her back.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/01/2013 15:22

Dad, do the people who give your children gifts know you put it towards your normal household budget?

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/01/2013 15:23

Fad not dad Grin

soontobeburns · 27/01/2013 15:31

Im sure a lot of the posters saying the OP is being U has never been hard up.

Her DD is 5 ffs. I doubt she has remembered the argos voucher and decided what she wants to buy with it.

If I gave a 5yo a voucher or money I would Expect the parents to spend it how they wish. If they didnt needs toys but thefamily needef a hoover I would be more ththan happy that it was being spent on something useful rather than plastic tat, that the DD would look a once and get bored of.

A hoover is a necessity a toy is not.

soontobeburns · 27/01/2013 15:32

Sorry spelling issues damn phone and shaking with anger over some of these posts doesn't help.

ENormaSnob · 27/01/2013 15:34

She wasn't that hard up she couldn't afford a huge party Hmm

I would be pissed off if I gave money or a gift card and found that the parents had spent it.

AntimonySalts · 27/01/2013 15:36

soontobeburns, the OP just gave her DD a 'giant' 5th b'day party. Those don't come cheap, even if you do them yourself at home with traditional party games and no entertainers. I know, because we've always done small home parties (never giant ones - completely unnecessary IMO, though that's another matter), and they are not as cheap as you might think, by the time you've bought prizes, food, party bag tat etc.

A hoover is a necessity; a giant party for a 5-yr-old is not.

MadameCastafiore · 27/01/2013 15:36

Blimey I would DS regularly shells out for the cleaner when I haven't been to the ATM. He keeps a good check on how much I owe him though.

As long as you be sure to give it back I don't see the problem.

FadBook · 27/01/2013 15:38

It has been taken out of context what I'm explaining.

First of all, money as gift isn't the norm anyway. The great grandparents will give money as they can't get out. So we are talking of no more than £40-50 each Christmas and birthday. Secondly, I roughly keep a track of the money given in my head. So if I'm out and about, and see something dd needs or wants (ie hair slides) I purchase them. Thirdly, we are a family who isn't rolling in cash but have enough left over each month to save. So, no I'm not using my dd's money to buy cake K

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2013 15:40

Who buys a 5yr old vouchers 'to buy clothes and shoes'? Confused

So you spent all your money on a 'giant' party and now you cant' afford £30 for a hoover?

Borrow the vouchers but pay her back in money when you can.

Oh and tell her she has presents that need opening and at least looking at, being as though people went to the trouble of buying and wrapping them for her Hmm

FadBook · 27/01/2013 15:43

Sorry dd pressed my phone before I had finished.

So the walk in the woods scenario isn't a good example. What I'm trying to say is that I don't save dd's money seperately. It is part of the pot and doesn't amount to a huge amount anyway.

For the OPs situation, I just do not see the problem

Startail · 27/01/2013 15:46

No older child has ever objected to finding they have money in the bank.
No five year old snowed under with toys is likely to miss it.

Only problem is if auntie X asks what you spent the voucher on and the gift giver isn't a pragmatic soul.

Original poster
Lira · 27/01/2013 15:47

Wow. I thought this thread was finished last night or i'd've replied sooner.

Yes, money's a bit tight just now. I'm newly self-employed and not making enough to just go out and buy a hoover on a whim.

My parents paid for the party. My dd also has £200 worth of Next vouchers and £200 worth of Clarks vouchers from Christmas to use whenever she does need new clothes (which probably won't be til next winter - summer though for new school shoes). They bought her heaps of extravagant toys too.

I also have six siblings who bought her a pile of toys and books and clothes each.

I got her things as well.

Then approx 30 children came to her party. the majority of them bought her toys (some of which still haven't been opened), while others gave her money or vouchers.

I don't want to let her go and buy anymore toys with them. She definitely doesn't need anything, nor does she want anything. They expire in December. I've found a Hoover in the sale for around £50. So if i use her vouchers, i'll only need to pay £20, which i could probably just afford this month.

I probably will pay her it back in money, but i didn't think there was any urgency to do so. I.e. this year.

My friend however thinks i should give her the money right away, as soon as i take the vouchers.

We are keeping the birthday money as her spending money this summer for our little holiday (which my parents are paying for, in case anyone questions that). Anything left over will go into her savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lira · 27/01/2013 15:55

Worra - we're opening the presents approx one per day (she has around 15 left not opened, including some left over from Christmas). She has learning difficulties and isn't really interested in toys. If i bombard her with them all at once, she'll have a meltdown. Please don't think she's some ungrateful brat.

I've repeatedly asked family and friends (and wrote it on her invitations) not to get her gifts as it's so soon after Christmas and Santa was very good to her. But people went ahead and did so anyway. My parents in particular are terrible for spoiling her.

I sent her into school with thank you cards for her friends. Thank you for attending and for a lovely gift.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 27/01/2013 15:55

"First of all, money as gift isn't the norm anyway."

It is in our family

"What I'm trying to say is that I don't save dd's money separately"

Why not? We live miles away from family so they usually send money in a birthday/Christmas card for DD.

Ever since DD was a tiny baby she has been sent money for birthdays, so we opened a junior Building Society account for her. When she is old enough to access the money she can spend it on herself as she pleases. If there was something I thought she might have liked I would have used the money to spend on her instead of putting it into the building society.

The point I am trying to make and that some posters on here fail to see is that the gift is meant for the birthday child not the parents.

I do think Argos vouchers for a 5 year old is unusual though.

I see your point Lira about using the vouchers now for a hoover. It makes perfect sense, and as long as you give your DD the money instead at some point in the future then I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

skullcandy · 27/01/2013 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atacareercrossroads · 27/01/2013 16:23

Oh use it op. She'll get it back with interest one way or another. Some are lucky enough to never have to contemplate doing this, but I know what's its like to be in this situation. Hope the Hoover lasts longer than my new one bought less than a year ago has!

atacareercrossroads · 27/01/2013 16:25

And this is no different to regifting unsuitable or duplicate gifts which I reckon most of this thread have done

kitsmummy · 27/01/2013 16:37

Ooh lucky girl, getting to buy her own clothes, shoes and hoover with birthday money. Perhaps she could buy a set of pans too? I think it's shit. If she doesn't need any toys, put some money in her bank account (your vague mention of paying back at some point this year doesn't ring true btw).

midnightinmoscow · 27/01/2013 16:44

Oh bloody hell. Some people are so virtuous aren't they.

OP - far better to use the voucher than stick it on a credit card. I am sure you will spend the money on DD again at some point. Failing that stick £5 a week in a pot for her to pay back at some point.

Lucky for those posters who have never been skint enough to make this decision. It's easy to have morals when you can afford them.

soverylucky · 27/01/2013 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DizzyHoneyBee · 27/01/2013 16:47

I am on minimum wage and it is hard to make ends meet, I have still never stolen from my children.

BegoniaBampot · 27/01/2013 16:49

Isn't this a fluid thing. We live away from family so vouchers, money are often spent. Sometimes dip into their money if it's needed and I don't have cash. My kids already have too much and are quite privileged. I took 20 quid today as I needed cash, the other day we bought him a kindle fire and told him we had used his Christmas money for it even though it cost a lot more. It all balances out. Also if they want something when we are out and I feel it's a bit extravagant to just let them have it, I sometimes just say go on then, we'll take it out your present money. I also get money sent for myself. Not a penny is usually spent on me, it all goes to the kids usually or the family.

If I sent money or vouchers myself, it wouldn't bother me if it was swallowed up by the family as I usually trust the parents to always put their kids first anyway.

Original poster
Lira · 27/01/2013 17:58

Dizzy - i'm below minimum wage. I simply can't afford to buy a hoover outright just now. It won't always be like this. I know business will pick up eventually. But i don't think i can wait that long to buy a new hoover.

sovery - my parents paid for the party. Not me. And even if i did, i didn't expect my hoover to just suddenly combust.

I see no point in dd's vouchers sitting in a drawer, not being used, when i could use them for something tomorrow.

The vouchers would have sat there for over a year, unused, which is why i don't see the urgency to replace them with money right away. It would be different if she desperately needed/wanted something, but she doesn't.

You've made me think twice anyway. I suppose my only other options are to get myself in to debt by buying one on credit from a catalogue (that's if i'm allowed one), or just live with mucky carpets until I afford one myself.

OP posts:
BooksandaCuppa · 27/01/2013 18:02

Just buy the vacuum, OP, with the voucher. Just make sure you pay dd back when you can. Don't stress too much and don't get into unnecessary debt.