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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To use dd's birthday gift cards on myself?

302 replies

Lira · 26/01/2013 20:58

DD (5) recently had a birthday and a giant party. She got a loads of presents from family (grandparents always spoil her rotten), and ended up with either presents/money/giftcards from her school friends that came to her party.

She doesn't need a single thing. She's got clothes for the next year, and a stack of vouchers from Christmas to get her new clothes and shoes when she eventually does need them. She doesn't need any new toys/books etc either.

My house is swimming in toys that haven't even been opened since her party 3 weeks ago.

My Hoover died today. So i was thinking of using 3 of the Argos vouchers she got (£30 worth) to help buy a new one. They expire by December anyway, and i can't see her needing anything from Argos before then.

I couldn't bring myself to touch her birthday money, however, as that can always be saved.

My friend reckons i should just 'borrow' the cards and pay dd the £30 back when i can.

But i honestly don't think she'll miss them and shouldn't feel obliged to 'owe' dd back in too much of a hurry.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

BlackholesAndRevelations · 27/01/2013 08:37

Oh and if you were spending it on yourself, you might be being U (Elizabeth Duke jewellery anyone?!) but as you're not spending it on yourself but on the family, no, you're not being U.

littlewhitebag · 27/01/2013 08:38

It's hardly theft! SHe is 5 and as OP says, she isn't needing anything else right now. If a vacuum cleaner is needed then get it and use the vouchers. I am sure you will repay your DD many times over in the coming weeks/months/years.

atacareercrossroads · 27/01/2013 08:38

Yanbu, I've done this with birthday money when times have been hard. The dc have had it back in spades with treats etc

pinkmagic1 · 27/01/2013 08:38

By all means use the vouchers to buy the vacum cleaner but make sure you give her the value of them back just as soon as you have it. They were a gift to her not you.

nefertarii · 27/01/2013 08:42

I think you should use them and put the money back. It was a gift. Its not about if she needs more toys. Its about the fact that they are hers. She owns them.

You wouldn't do it to an adult and I imagine people would be pissed off if their dh spent their birthday vouchers as they decides you didn't need anything and they did.

nefertarii · 27/01/2013 08:44

I also don't get the comment about them expiring in December. That's almost a year away. Of course there will be something she can use them for over the next 11 months.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 27/01/2013 08:45

My DH is using my next birthday vouchers as he needs work shoes and I don't need anything. When you're a family and skint you do what you need to imo.

WipsGlitter · 27/01/2013 08:50

Wise up everyone. Of course you can use them!! Theft??? Come on, she's five! DS got voucher from Grandpa for his birthday. We did get him some stuff with it but if I want to use it got other things I won't think twice. If the poster had said she was going to use it for food as they were skint would you still be saying theft?

HollyBerryBush · 27/01/2013 08:52

Frankly, the Ops daughter is proably having all manner of after school paid for activities, as those sorts of clubs aren't generally the "voucher" variety, I would have no qualms about taking the vouchers and mentally swapping the value for the lessons, and buying a new hoover.

FWIW, OP, I used to get bogged down in ELC vouchers - I used to pass them on as birthday presents to someone else . In the end, if asked, I used to request Clarks vouchers. Much more useful.

HollyBerryBush · 27/01/2013 08:54

PS "Theft" is an over reaction. All money is family money.

Might be a different scenario if there was piggybank raiding for a line of coke to whack up your nose.

happyjustobeme · 27/01/2013 08:55

I would do this in a second.

Your DC will have the money back a million times over. I would bet that by December, there will be any number of things that you could point that she has been bought buyout, and you could say to yourself 'this is what the money went to'.

There will be things for the garden in the summer, art and craft things that will have run or that you'll have added to, beddings that she might need, and an number of days out.

It wouldn't cross my mind to question if it was the right or wrong thing to do.

mammmamia · 27/01/2013 08:56

Family money. OP, I think you are doing the right thing.

ShatnersBassoon · 27/01/2013 08:57

Of course it isn't theft! It's reorganising family funds.

I've been using a M&S credit note that came from returning one of DH's unsuitable Christmas presents. He'll buy himself a suitable replacement eventually I suppose, but isn't limited to M&S. I often buy things there, he doesn't. It's just reorganising, I haven't denied him the money.

nefertarii · 27/01/2013 08:58

stacey would you be happy with dh making the decision himself and dipping in helping himself without consulting you?

RedHelenB · 27/01/2013 09:00

I think YABU - by all means use the vouchers but pay her the £30.

FunnyLittleFrog · 27/01/2013 09:03

It's to buy a hoover - not something for the OP herself but something for the family. I would do it (have done it!) and out the cash in bank account later.

RattyRoland · 27/01/2013 09:06

Yanbu and don't feel bad about it. You've spent a fortune on other toys and clothes for dd, she doesn't need the giftcard so use it for the vaccuum. If you feel bad, pay the money back into a savings account for her when you have it :)

Celticlassie · 27/01/2013 09:08

Buy HER the hoover, then teach her how to use it.

Win win.

defineme · 27/01/2013 09:08

I have often used dc's money boxes to pay window cleaner and so on BUT I have always put an IOU in the box and dc think it's hilarious when they mount up and I have to put lots back in!
It's not black and white:ie I think there is a limit on how much a child needs and at 5 it's not very much at all. However, your child will grow into an adult who will need an education and a home so on that basis I think you really need to put £30 into her savings.
My only proviso being if you're really hard up wait a while.

MadderHat · 27/01/2013 09:09

Or you could get a hoover that she can manage. My 2 and 4 year old squabble for a chance to have a go at hoovering!

DontmindifIdo · 27/01/2013 09:10

I'd 'buy' them off her and put £30 in her savings account - if not now, when you can afford it later.

ByTheWay1 · 27/01/2013 09:11

We have a big IOU system in our house (bus costs £3.40 and you need the correct change) so piggy banks get raided and IOUs in place. Same happens with vouchers/book tokens - If I want a book I use the book tokens and put an IOU for money in whoever's piggy bank.

When we go out, if they want something - rather than need something (knickers/socks/T/jeans=need, sparkly sequinned slippers=want for instance) then we will take it off the IOU... we have always had this system and it evens out - well, more skewed to them anyway (as it should be with kids....)

MrsMushroom · 27/01/2013 09:12

Buy the hoover, tell DD it's hers.

mynameisnowsonicthehedgehog · 27/01/2013 09:13

I'm sure it was family money that paid for the birthday party, so I don't see the problem in using a family members vouchers to pay for an item for the benefit of all.

DonderandBlitzen · 27/01/2013 09:15

I think this is absolutely fine. It sounds like she has more than enough presents and she will benefit from having a clean floor.

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