To feel so upset regarding contact.

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

Yes. Silly man. See how he doesn't quite believe in his own powers to bully you any more? It reminds me of a playground bully saying "I'll get my dad on to you!" when someone stands up to him!

It's so sad and hurtful isn't it? This man you had a baby with, who should have been the most supportive person in the world, turning into the worst. :( Like you said, it's such a waste. My guess is that relationship breakdowns make men like these sad too, but they can't possibly admit to sadness, because that would be weak... So they transform their sadness into anger instead.

Anyway, be strong. It gets better. And you don't have to be twisted by it like he has been; instead of being angry, you are choosing to turn your sadness into love and a determination to make the best of things :) And good on you - you will make the world a bit of a better place for your DD (and everyone else) by doing so. :)

I'm off now. See you at the end of the week.

Now he just emails asking when he can have the 800 quid I owe him

How does he figure you owe him money?
has he paid anything toward the baby's expenses since birth?
As I remember you were spending a fortune running back and forth with the baby.
Did he cover any petrol costs?

Its just something else to try and upset you.
ignore

He pays 30 a week since 6 weeks. But never towards cot, buggy, car seat, clothes.
Says its outstanding rent from when I left him. He still has my furniture and apparently I can't have it (out if the blue)
That's spiting DD in her new home when we get one.
Had a terrible day with DD and am too tired to let him get to me

Ignore him

You dont owe any rent he chucked you out didnt he?

Please don' t let this gobshite drag you down

he's trying to bully and intimidate you
He wants a response. Dont play his game

You're becoming a much stronger capable woman.

Dont look at any emails he sends for a couple of days

Was your name on the tenancy agreement? If not he doesn't have a leg to stand on..

No it wasn't, and he threw me out.
He's really clutching at straws at trying to intimidate me.
Probably trying to get money out of me to take me to court.
Also- because I sit on my arse all day and recieve benefits -apparently.

Nope. I live with my parents, have only maternity pay and maintence. We scrape by, and when we move I will take what we can get rented or HA and get what i am entitled for whilst I complete my access corse for university to provide me and my daughter with a good life.
So no. I'm not what he thinks I am.

Then he doesn't stand a chance! Followed your sorry on previous threads and I'm impressed with how strong you have been. Your dd sounds lovely and you sound like you are doing a great job.

Can i suggest revisiting your teenage years and finding some cheesy angst music to dance/jump around the room to to release done stress when he is being a twunt- i swear by it

Awe thank you!
I actually have some cheese fm on whilst finishing my latest wool creation

I tried to learn to crochet but bought the most difficult book ever to follow. My very experienced mil couldn't even follow it! Have another one I'm summoning the courage to try but this week is a write off due to toddler snot fest insomnia!

What Ratspeaker said.

although would be tempting just to text back with "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Make, I agree with others, just ignore him. Don't give his pathetic attemps to wind you up any oxygen. £800? Pah, he's got a cheek. He really really is just an immature little twat Make, and just like any toddler, he'll give up his tantrum when he realises that a) no one gives a tiny shiny shit about his petty gripes and b) he no longer has an audience paying him any heed.

Deep breaths, shut down the email, and chill. I really think you should get your mum to filter your emails for you, and only let you know if he says/asks anything remotely worthwhile knowing about.

I'm rubbish at crochet! I'm latch hooking at the moment, making a cushion and rug for when DD has her own room. It's very therapeutic.

Sod my furniture. Not sure i would want it now, and not sure if a glass coffee table (I do love) will ever be practical again!

Coffee tables are a lot less pretty with jam/peanut butter/snot/evil porridge cement smeared on them! Plus you can have a fresh start if/when you eventually move.

On the positive side, he sounds REALLY desperate to get a reaction from you! It must be driving him mad! Hahahaha

I do think that what it is about now Matilda. It's not about DD, her welfare, her relations. It's not even in a way about getting at me or realising what he has done, how he treats people, it is about him winning.
But he won't win.
Because its not a game, she's not a prize. She is a baby, she's my baby. It's not about a fight.
I'm too tired to fight him. The only person he is fighting really is himself.
Sod the furniture, a fresh start is better.
Now we know for sure what would have happened If I had driven up there.
Stamp stamp stamp doesn't scare me. The more he stamps the more quickly I get over it as it is so so pathetic.
The stamping will stop now, and he will ignore us for another six weeks. -Hoping Thinking I'm sat here shutting myself over a solicitors letter that's never going to arrive and crying over a coffee table.
Tool.

I wouldn't worry about court-given his current level of commitment he would struggle to convince them to his way if thinking about contact. Besides if court ordered an assessment about contact the assessor would watch and assess the quality of contact and his capabilities (which sound limited) and most importantly the benefit to your dd. BUT even taking it to court involves commitment, a weird that doesn't seem to even be in his vocabulary!

Hello! Just to add my admiration of how far you have come. Stay strong and believe in yourself. Those idiots only do things for'show'. Ignore them and enjoy your dd, get stronger everyday and life will get better and better. Wishing you all good things xxx

Make you're right that it's not about seeing DD. That was clear (to us all looking in from the outside) from the start but as you were emotionally involved I think it took a bit longer for it to sink in for you. Seeing him not interact with your DD or ask about her at all, him abusing and threatening you, then the next minute begging to see her, him accusing you of withholding contact and threatening solicitors - all that has proved to you (and us) that this is a game to him and it's about winning.

Sorry, pressed submit too soon.

Was going to say that I sympathise about your furniture and I'm sorry but you might be as well writing it off. When my ex fecked off, he owed me £800 from a holiday we'd been on a few months earlier which I'd paid for on my credit card and he'd never paid me for his half. I asked for it back loads of times and got responses ranging from 'I haven't got it' to 'I'm not giving it back'. He told me to sell the white goods in the house (my house, but jointly purchased white goods) and use the proceeds towards the £800 - yes, because a pregnant woman can really live without a fridge, cooker and washing machine, you fucking twunt .

If I were you I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of asking for it again. Just buy new stuff when you get a place - at least it won't be tainted with his negative vibes .

Thank you ladies.
Now ive just had a email telling me he can't come and see her as he can't afford it anymore

And I need to take her to her other grandparents. I am unreasonable. I've been out of order since she's been born.

No-one needs to tell you that it's not your responsibility to take dd anywhere, do you? Again, don't respond to him at all.

Oh no I just feel sad he's got such tunnel vision.
Who expects a young inexperienced mother who had PND to drive her child around the country. In a anxious state. At all times of day disregarding the babies routine and comfort zone.

Oh yes, now I remember, them