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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

461 replies

Fizzler99 · 24/01/2013 10:54

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous! Envy

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

OP posts:
SPBInDisguise · 25/01/2013 20:24

Good point Summerblaze :) I get a glimpse of "working life without children" every now and again when children stay with GPs in the holidays and it is a doddle!
I have to say now my DCs are 6 and 3 (and an easy 3 - entertains herself etc) I find being with the children 'easy', but I don't have the day in/day out stuff, I have the fun days and the duvet days, on the most part. Which is lovely. It hasn't always been that way, DS was a dreadful sleeper till he was 18 months, and DD was worse until she was 2 (basically slept/wriggled latched ona ll night!)

Matildaduck · 25/01/2013 20:27

Oh god your throwing SN into the argument! ( shows how thin your argument is)

Yes it's closed to them, in that they can not read for themselves! You can't get lost in a book if someone else reads to you. You can't hear the voices for yourselves or go at your pace. You can't ponder, re read a section....the list goes on

It's just not as good is it? Why on earth you would deny your child this wonderful opportunity baffles me.

janey68 · 25/01/2013 20:28

Morethan- obviously you home ed your children because you think it's best - duh!

I was simply pointing out the irony that you claim to want to be free from measurement and comparison against peers- but then hasten to add that your daughter is (naturally!) streets ahead of her friends in reading

And personally, when my children have friends round to play, I let them enjoy themselves and don't use it as an opportunity to try to rank them according to their reading

MrsKoala · 25/01/2013 20:29

i don't think the adage really means hard in that way, i assumed it meant hard in the tedious, repetitive, unpaid, brain mushing way that some more challenging work may not be and that other jobs aren't 24hrs per day for the rest of your life.

Lostonthemoors · 25/01/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ceeveebee · 25/01/2013 20:35

I really can't understand why the 24/7 hours keep being brought up. All parents are 24/7. Unless you are super rich and have a live-in nanny, cook and cleaner then WOHM also are on duty all night and at weekends/on non-work days.

janey68 · 25/01/2013 20:36

Very true ceeveebee

AmberNectarine · 25/01/2013 20:37

2 whole hours uninterrupted kindle time on my working days. I fuckin love commuting!

bigbadbarry · 25/01/2013 20:39

ceeveebee I guess because if you have a job you are doing two different things, neither of them 24/7. If your job is your children and your home, it is nonstop.

MrsKoala · 25/01/2013 20:40

if you are referring to my post ceevee, i meant being a mum was 24 hours a day, no difference between sahm or working - it was in response to the 'being a mum is the hardest job' as you are still a mum when you go to work. The way i see it is since ds arrived i now work/am on call 24 hrs a day. This would be no different if i went out to work, just the office would be further away and the tasks different. if that makes sense.

scottishmummy · 25/01/2013 20:42

housewifery isn't job,it's watching your own kids
doing your own thing at home with no external demands or deadline is bit doss

Summerblaze · 25/01/2013 20:43

But ceeveebee, as I said before. This isn't an argument between SAH or WOH.

SAHM - 24/7 dc/house related
WOHM - 24/7 dc/work/house related
OP - No idea but I assume less with noone ever asking anything from her when she gets home.

The only reason it sounds as if SAHM's are saying their hours are 24/7 is because it is compared to the op who has NO children and that is who op was targeting.

Summerblaze · 25/01/2013 20:45

scottishmummy - very supportive of fellow women who don't have the same ideas as you Hmm.

scottishmummy · 25/01/2013 20:49

behave dont do the us women stick together routine
don't worry the precious moments crew will be along to ask why have em if leave in day care orphanage
do you agree with every opinion just because it's woman?bet you dont

willowstar · 25/01/2013 20:51

I am returning to part time work in February after an 18 month stint at home with my now 3 and 1 year old children. Ok I was pregnant which was awful then had new baby, but it has been absolutely awful...utterly exhausting, we have nofamily arounf and no money for any childcare...however the bond we all have is incredible, I don't regret it for a moment.

I cannot wait to start my job! I am a researcher in academia and am so excited to be going back to what I do well. I am looking forward o dressing decently, commuting by train again, wearing dangly earrings, having engaging conversation with adults about something other than children and crucially bringing in a little bit of money again. We have really struggled financially with me being off and to be honest I think it has been good for me, but having a little breathing space is going to feel like a luxury. I have hated not having my own income evn though my husband views all money as ours, it just didn't feel right.

MrsKoala · 25/01/2013 20:52

Ha! bollocks! Refluxy baby 3 loads of washing per day, vomit everywhere, loads of apps to attend, constantly dancing around with a screaming baby are just some of the things i do on my days. It is NOT 'doing my own thing' and not a 'doss'. Working in some office jobs is a doss compared to that. Or just being able to get on with tasks without a baby crying would be easier, but it's the combination of all of it, the relentlessness of the task list, the soul crushing aspects of repetitiveness - Altho a lot of jobs do have those aspects too.

Out of interest scottishmummy do you have a particular problem with using the term sahm? Genuinely interested as housewife just seems so old fashioned.

oohlaalaa · 25/01/2013 20:52

I would love to be a SAHM, perhaps doing some freelance worth too.

Alas, it's not an option for us, but loving maternity leave. Dreading returning to work.

Yanbu

Arisbottle · 25/01/2013 20:55

But compared to some jobs, being at home with most children is quite easy. I have raised four plus a stepson, one with special needs and another who was just a madam, still easier than balancing a full tie demanding job with raising a family.

That doesn't mean that being a SAHP isn't valuable but it can be easier than some jobs.

MrsKoala · 25/01/2013 20:58

i'm sure almost every job can have a harder one compared to it. it's not very productive, just competitive misery. like the monty python sketch. i'm sure some children are easier to look after too. and it varies with age etc.

SPBInDisguise · 25/01/2013 20:59

Exactly!

Summerblaze · 25/01/2013 20:59

I believe in people (woman or man) being able to make their own decisions without twats deciding its wrong just because it isn't what they would choose. I know lots of people who have stayed at home with their dc, worked part time and worked full time with dc and you cannot tell the difference between the children, all well adjusted individuals.

Personally I wanted to stay at home with my children but I can appreciate why others want to do both.

FWIW I went back to work for a couple of days, maternity cover, when DS1 was 2 (3 years ago) and it was a very easy job, not much for me to do, could have done it stood on my head and I was bored. Not all jobs are busy and stressful.

janey68 · 25/01/2013 21:00

I think perhaps people who are claiming there are dossy jobs out there are a bit out of touch. We're several years into recession now. I don't know many employers who happily dish out wages for 'doss'. Most jobs these days are hard fought- you have to compete against tough competition, prove that you're the best and then work damn hard to keep hold of it

I'm not for a moment suggest being a SAHP is easy- I think it can be relentless and isolating- but honestly, where are these jobs which are such a doss?!

SPBInDisguise · 25/01/2013 21:01

But I would say that as a lone parent of quadruplets who works outside the home for 25 hours a day and then comes back
to look after my children. I'm exclusively breastfeeding them all too :o

scottishmummy · 25/01/2013 21:05

you're a bristling wee ball of contradiction summer.
Hmm face asking I be more supportive of other wimmin opinion
but you think it's ok call me twat when you dint concur with my pov.funny that

MrsKoala · 25/01/2013 21:06

arf SPB! are you drinking chateau de chasselas as you type?