Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would let a new boyfriend bathe your 7 year old daughter?

144 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 22/01/2013 14:47

A friend of mine did this and I am not suggesting anything untoward went on at all but I found it very odd.

This little girl has had to cope to witnessing DV and now has to cope with a new man in her life almost immediately that her father left. Now 'friend' has him bathing her and completely stripping away her dignity imo.

AIBU to give this 'friend' a piece of my mind?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 22/01/2013 14:49

I'm not sure why a girl of 7 needs 'help' bathing Hmm - and no, I think it is totally inappropriate to allow a new boyfriend to 'help' her.

Mogandme · 22/01/2013 14:49

I wouldn't have an issue with a known male chatting to a 7 year old girl in the bath tub - ie he was stood in bathroom/hall; would have issues if it involved helping her bathe/get dry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/01/2013 14:50

I wouldn't let him. I would be worried. Don't give her a piece of your mind though. Find out why. Did he want to, did she want him to, did the DD? And, call the NSPCC and see what they think.

Original poster
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 22/01/2013 14:50

Should clarify that 'friend' had gone to work and left boyfriend to bathe the DC. I asked her if he actually 'bathed' her and she said that he'd gone in with her to help her wash.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 22/01/2013 14:50

No absolutely not. At 7 they are old enough to bath themselves unless she has sn. No not unless you know them very well and can trust them

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/01/2013 14:51

No no no!!!!

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2013 14:51

Your friend needs you to tell her straight, for the sake of that little girl, who she isn't protecting/safeguarding, or taking her wishes and feelings into account.

Be there to keep talking to them both.

snowybrrr · 22/01/2013 14:51

NO!

pigletmania · 22/01/2013 14:52

Even talking to them in the tub, this s a stranger not someone she knows well

InNeedOfBrandy · 22/01/2013 14:52

No I don't even bath my 7 yr old as at 7 they are quite capable of washing their own selves! I would find it creepy.

Fairylea · 22/01/2013 14:52

I don't think most 7 year old's need help washing?? Maybe I'm wrong... dd didn't. I would have just left it till I was home. A night being mucky wouldn't have hurt, especially as the boyfriend is new ... seems a bit odd to me.

Nothing wrong with dads or step dads or long term partners bathing kids, especially little ones.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/01/2013 14:53

Firstly, I think it's odd too.
I wouldn't have let a new boyfriend bath my DD at the age of 7.
But by then she wanted to be left to bath herself anyway.
But you might be a bit U if you 'give her a piece of your mind'!
You could bring it up in conversation and just mention it in passing but don't go in all guns blazing.
How old is she and how old is the BF?

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2013 14:53

"I asked her if he actually 'bathed' her and she said that he'd gone in with her to help her wash."

That is when most "incidents" happen, tbh.

Even if it is innocent, it doesn't sound as though the child is being taught much about personal bounderies.

Does she know this man well and for a length of time?

Catsdontcare · 22/01/2013 14:53

Erm no it is not necessary help a 7 year old wash. I run ds's bath and leave him to it (but usually busy myself upstairs so I can hear him)

Otherworld · 22/01/2013 14:53

No! I also agree with PP that at seven they don't need help beyond making sure they have everything they need within reach.

Crawling · 22/01/2013 14:53

Not on imo

pigletmania · 22/01/2013 14:54

Mum is doing a poor job safeguarding that girl letting s virtual stranger look after the girl and bath her

PoppettyPing · 22/01/2013 14:54

YADDDDNU. This is incredibly inappropriate. How long has she been seeing this guy? You'd think the boyfriend would have refused. I would definitely say something, very gently and carefully, but I would say something.

Original poster
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 22/01/2013 14:55

Probably been together about 6 months and 'friend' is pregnant by him. She is 33 and he is around 24.

OP posts:
honeytea · 22/01/2013 14:55

If it was a female friend or babysitter would it be ok? I look after my friends little girl and I supervise bath times, I don't actually help with the washing of her body but I get her towel ready and chat to her.

I think if its ok for a female friend it's ok for a male friend.

SouthernComforts · 22/01/2013 14:56

No, I didn't bathe my dp's 7 yo ds even when we lived together, but I did put my dd (3) and his dd (4) in together, then ds bathed himself while I supervised bedtime for the girls.

acceptableinthe80s · 22/01/2013 14:56

So he actually got in the bath with her? And your friends ok with this?! Wrong on every level i'd say. Has she known him long? I think the majority of men would be very uncomfortable in this situation.
I would voice your concerns if I were you.

OwlLady · 22/01/2013 14:57

new boyfriend, no

I suppose it's different if you have been with someone a long time

but he is having sole care of her anyway I presume at an early stage in their relationship? it's not just the bathing is it?

who used to look after her when she went to work?

BinarySolo · 22/01/2013 14:58

It is odd but could it maybe be a misunderstanding? If she left him asking him to bath the kids and he's not used to children he may have assumed that a 7 year old would still need help. If it was a new gf helping a 7 year old boy would you think the same?

If he volunteered to do it, with no prompting at all or seemed very keen, then I'd be worried.

Original poster
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 22/01/2013 14:59

No afaik he did not get the bath but helped her as she has long hair and it needed washing. I don't know, it made me quite angry when she mentioned it. `

OP posts: