about BIL's wedding?

[curiousgeorgie]

I've probably posted about this wedding before!

I'm expecting DD2 at the end of June / early July and BIL is getting married abroad in August.

My older DD (2) is a bridesmaid / flower girl and my DH is best man. I'll definitely be having a C Section with this baby as its a high risk pregnancy and I had one with DD.

We were planning on arriving on the Thursday afternoon, wedding on the Friday and then leaving on the Saturday with a lot of other family members for two nights in a capital city about three hours away.

I've just heard from SIL to be that my DH will have to be there the Friday before for a suit fitting, and that they are planning a first birthday party for her baby on the Monday afternoon. I said that we wouldn't be able to do that and she has gone mad.

DH is self employed and contracting for a company in London. He doesn't get paid paternity leave or paid holiday, so any time off is money we lose. He has been saving so as he can take 2 weeks off when I have the baby and then the few days around the wedding. To ask for an extra week unpaid, 7 more nights in a hotel, 7 more nights worth of newborn baby stuff.... Surely she is being unreasonable?

And she said that if we can go to another hotel for two nights after the wedding then we should have no problem just staying in her hometown so we can be at the birthday party instead. Due to the baby, my DH's leave and the wedding, those two days are the only holiday we're going to get and I'd rather not spend it in a wedding hotel in the middle of nowhere.

AIBU or is she? They both came abroad to our wedding six years ago and stayed two weeks (everyone did and we paid a portion of everyone's cost) but no one had children then and no worries about holiday pay!

She is BU.

Your DH needs to talk to them and tell them he will sort his own suit out.

Given you will be recovering from a c-section AND she is in the middle of wedding plans, I can see why she thought she would take the birthday burden from you and use the occassion to do something nice for your daughter with the extended family.

However, she should have asked you first.

But she has done it with the best intentions.

If you choose to get married abroad you can't expect everyone to be able to attend and/ or arrive when you want. So she is bu.

But I am interested to know how your dh thought he was going to get a suit when arriving the day before.

Not my baby, her son who will be 1...

YANBU

Stick to your plans, sounds like you will need a little break after all the madness of travelling and the wedding and throw in a c-section to top it all off. Couldn't your dh get his measurments taking here and just send them over to the grooms tailor.

HollyBerryBush - it is the SIL childs birthday

Holly the party is for the SIL's daughter not the OP's

X-post Bonkers

What birthday burden? It's the brides daughter isn't it not the OPs.

YANBU a whole extra week of holiday from work and the costs of spending that time abroad is too much if you can't afford it

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh in that case, shes totally BU!

Holly I think the OP means the SIL's baby.

YANBU She should just be glad that you can all make the wedding.

Sorry x-post on the child

x post

YANBU.

Mail her your DH's measurements for the suit and carry on with your original plans.

Yanbu at all.

She is totally and utterly unreasonable.

Oh who cares if they are annoyed/upset/mouthing off? Just do what you need to do, TELL them what you will do (with no room for change), and ignore any moaning or emotional blackmail. It's a wedding not life saving surgery. If they aren't happy with what you are prepared to do, they can always find another best man and briesmaid etc.

YANBU

For the suit, DH's best friend sent his measurements to the shop before our wedding as he wouldn't be there on time and they had a few sizes on standby and let him try them on last minute.
Expecting him to be there a week before for a suit fitting is ridiculous!

An extra week for a suit fitting? She's taking the piss.

Well, DH thinks we don't have a leg to stand on. BIL has spoken to him to say that instead of having two weeks when the baby is born he can have one, and one later - still with me and the baby but also able to please SIL.

And he has mentioned they spent two weeks in the Caribbean for us. Which is true. They did. (didn't bloody pay for it though!)

FFS.

Curious - you are joking?! I'd tell him to fuck off - a c section is major surgery and you've got an older kid to take care of. They are starting to be extremely rude and self centered.

telling DH he can have one week when the baby is born and the other to keep SIL happy....Outrageous!!!

Was it always the plan that bil would sort the suit?

Well, it wasn't totally at our expense. We probably paid about 65% of everybody's by putting a lump sum down, but actually (and I'm not positive) I think PIL paid for the rest for them.

I'm not joking. This wedding is a damn nightmare!!! First we were asked not to ttc in case it meant I couldn't fly to the wedding, but luckily got pregnant on our last chance :p

Then when sorting her table plan she's put me, my 2 year old and the baby on a table with no one else I know, despite the fact all our mutual friends and all DH's relatives (some of whom I'm very close with, his two female cousins are very close friends of mine) will be there. When I said that I won't have DH as he's best man, will be recovering from a c section sitting by myself with both kids and might struggle, could I not go on one of the family tables where DD can play with her cousins and if the baby is super hard work I can get some help... I got told no.

(also DD's is expected to go to her parents farmhouse in the morning to get ready with them but I'm not permitted to go. Knowing my DD that us happening over my dead body!)

Ihearsounds - we hadn't really spoken about suits yet to be fair but I thought we could send measurements or they would fe getting them in England as all but her father in the male bridal party live here.