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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that it's rude to assk for something back months after you gave it away ?

80 replies

GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 16:03

Someone gave something to me a few months ago, it is not something i use all the time but is quite usefull to have and it does get used. They have now asked for it back. I don't want to give it back and i'm not sure if IABU if I say no. I can't pretend I don't have it or that it's broken as they will probably see it in the future. I just find it very rude for them to expect it back and I'm a little cross that they have put me in this position.

So AIBU ?

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 20/01/2013 16:05

Was it 'given' or lent though?

And what is it please :)

Booyhoo · 20/01/2013 16:06

need more info before i can call it.

what is the thing?

was it given or loaned?

was it very clear whether it was given or loaned?

who is the person?/what is their relationship to you?

LittleMissFantabulous · 20/01/2013 16:07

fluffy has it, if it was only a loan you've no choice really. Sorry!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/01/2013 16:08

Sorry OP, definitely need more info!

Original poster
GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 16:09

It was given and they know they gave it to us as they had no use for it. I am not prepared to give more details as it might out me and I have no idea if the mn or not.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/01/2013 16:10

Well if they´ve asked for it back, I´m thinking that they looked on it as a loan.

Give it back & be thankful for the use that you´ve had!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 20/01/2013 16:11

Sounds like a miscommunication. Can't you give it back and buy one?

Booyhoo · 20/01/2013 16:13

well then i have no idea whether YABU or not. it seems they think it was loaned. you think it was given. sounds like miscommunication. if you really want to keep it, ask them if they would mind letting you have it permanently. perhaps offer money.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 20/01/2013 16:13

What did they say when they asked for it back,

Please PM me what it is or I shan't sleep tonight :)

... and it's definitely not me. I wouldn't ask for it back.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 20/01/2013 16:14

How expensive is this 'thing'?

Could you just buy yourself one and hand theirs back graciously, even though they're being rude asking for it back.

Original poster
GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 16:15

I probably am going to give it back but they have acknowledged that they gave it to us, They were going to chuck it in a skip as they needed it out of the way. i can only assume that as you all think it must be a missunderstanding that they are in fact cheeky feckers Grin to ask for it back.

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 20/01/2013 16:16

Well, you could say sorry, you gave it to me. Once you give something to someone - you can't take it back. If you'd loaned it to me, then that would be different. But you GAVE it to me, so sorry, no. I still use it."

Or you could shrug, think well, bloody hell, that's charming. And give it back. And just let it go.

I suppose it depends how much you want the item and how saying no is going to affect the relationship.

But it isn't impossible that they didn't actually mean to give it to you. Just let you have it on what my dad calls 'permanent loan'. He's done that with a campbed. It's still his but we can have it forever. Unless he needs it. Grin

fluffyraggies · 20/01/2013 16:16

Hmmm. Is this person usually reasonable and fair? If so i think it may have been more of a loan in their eyes. Even if it was something they weren't using at the time.

It's not a pram is it??

Sorry i know you don't want to say. Is it childcare related?

MummytoMog · 20/01/2013 16:16

Hmm. I lent my SiL some baby things and haven't had them back yet, which is annoying as I would like to sell them. Am now thinking that I wasn't clear enough about it being a loan (although I did say about at least one thing that I wanted it back because it was so lovely).

HecateWhoopass · 20/01/2013 16:16

X-post.

well, that's different Grin

If there is no confusion at all, then if you don't want to give it back - don't.

Booyhoo · 20/01/2013 16:16

is it a cot or travel cot? i could see how they might suddenly need that again after thinking they were done with it! Grin

fluffyraggies · 20/01/2013 16:17

Oh x posts!

They were going to bin it!

Perhaps they have fallen on hard times? I think you'll have to give it back OP, sorry.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/01/2013 16:18

Is it a baby-related thing - like a pram, their youngest grew out of it, gave it away, they are now unexpectedly having another baby?

I suppose I'd give it back, but I would not be happy about it and would grumble about them behind their backs.

Fakebook · 20/01/2013 16:18

Is it a lawn mower? A sledge? It's a sledge.

Booyhoo · 20/01/2013 16:18

also agrre that it depends how nice they are usually.

MrsMushroom · 20/01/2013 16:19

Is it a vacuum cleaner or lawn mower or something? just tell us if it's baby or domestic related!

TheFallenNinja · 20/01/2013 16:20

If it is a kidney then YANBU, however, you seem reluctant to say what it is so not sure.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/01/2013 16:21

What is it? Is it a bread maker?

Original poster
GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 16:22

I am going to give it back as they are not reasonable people about things like this and to be honest I'm just not prepared to fall out over it.
It would cost £30-£40 to replace but I haven't got it to spare at the moment, especially not for something I don't need (but is handy to have). If they offer me anything else I will politely decline Grin as I refuse to be used ass free storage.

OP posts:
chanie44 · 20/01/2013 16:23

Unless they specifically said 'it's yours forever' it falls into a grey area and therefore you should give it back as they may have assumed it was a loan.

I do think it is a bit mean to ask for it back if they clearly gave it to you, but then if you have benefitted from using this item for free then maybe you need to suck it up and give it back.

Is there any way you could share it as you said you don't use it all the time.

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