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AIBU?

AIBU To think that it's rude to assk for something back months after you gave it away ?

80 replies

GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 16:03

Someone gave something to me a few months ago, it is not something i use all the time but is quite usefull to have and it does get used. They have now asked for it back. I don't want to give it back and i'm not sure if IABU if I say no. I can't pretend I don't have it or that it's broken as they will probably see it in the future. I just find it very rude for them to expect it back and I'm a little cross that they have put me in this position.

So AIBU ?

OP posts:

Report

Mintyy · 20/01/2013 18:36

I don't think its rude. You sound rather ungracious and ungrateful tbh.

BuiltForComfort · 20/01/2013 18:41

Can you borrow it from them in future? If you use it occasionally then get them to store it and just get back on loan when you want.

GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 18:46

Why ungracious and ungreatful ? I was grateful when they gave it to me. I do find it quite weird that people think it's ok to give something away then ask for it back. I have given them stuff too but wouldn't dream of asking for it back even when I could of really used it. would you think it was ok to ask for a gift back ?

OP posts:

MrsMushroom · 20/01/2013 21:15

It doesn't sound like you're desperate for it. Shut the door when you want the dog out of the way and decorate when the kids aren't in.

mercibucket · 20/01/2013 21:30

They've used you as free storage
It is rude to ask for it back, but the right thing to do is to give it back. Unless you want to give it to someone else asap just to annoy them. Or throw it in a skip

SanityClause · 20/01/2013 21:38

YANBU

It is rude to give something, then ask for it back. I think you are doing the right thing by returning it, as refusing would seem a bit OTT. But they are the rude ones, not you, and I'm a bit amazed that people are calling you things like ungracious, when actually you are being very gracious by giving it back without any carping or fuss!

faustina · 20/01/2013 21:44

grinch, if you're anywhere near suffolk I have one doing absolutely nothing that you can have forever! PM me

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 20/01/2013 21:57

Some people are very odd, some of the replies are weeeeeeeelllll strange

Of course YANBU they GAVE it to you, it was you or the skip. No misunderstanding. No longer theirs.

It is rude to ask for it back.

I would give it back, but it would affect how I feel about them, a lot. So maybe NewNN is right

rainbow2000 · 20/01/2013 22:07

Id give it back but wouldnt accept anything off them again.How can you be ungracious when these people have a neck like a jockeys bollocks,they have no shame

GrinchAnInch · 20/01/2013 22:08

Thanks faustina but sadly I am nowhere near you.

I'm so pleased it's not just me that feels it's rude

OP posts:

LineRunner · 20/01/2013 22:13

Yes it is rude, if it is as you say.

And I wouldn't want to friends with rude people. I've got enough shit going on.

ProphetOfDoom · 20/01/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeeFoo · 20/01/2013 22:21

Just to pitch in my pennies worth Grinch, YANBU. Definitely give back though and think nothing more of it, they must be feeling fairly awkward!? Either way, its not worth losing any sleep over.

ivanapoo · 20/01/2013 22:29

I would say its irritating rather than rude so YAB a bit U. You got the use of something for free without any inconvenience to you I presume. You didn't have to accept it so I am assuming you find it useful.

A relative gave us something worth a few hundred quid. We paid for a courier to bring it to our house as it was too large to fit in our car. They asked for it back a few months later as their circumstances had changed. Bit annoying but we benefited from it for those months so can't complain.

trixymalixy · 20/01/2013 22:33

It's a bit off,I would be grumbling a bit too, but you can't refuse to give it back to them.

cumfy · 21/01/2013 01:09

Is it the Astrakhan Coat ?

qo · 21/01/2013 01:11

"If it is a kidney then YANBU" :D :D

cumfy · 21/01/2013 01:14

OK, not a kidney, nor indeed the Astrakhan Coat.

I was very worried for a moment.

My prediction is you will survive this crisis.

TalkativeJim · 21/01/2013 01:18

Spray it a hideous colour before they come to get it.

PenelopeLane · 21/01/2013 01:18

YANBU. I've been in this situation a couple of times and found it really annoying - but now I always make sure to give someone a token of thanks - or a small amount of money (depending on what feels appropriate) when they give me something as then it feels more concrete. For example took a friend out for dinner to say thanks for some baby clothes, gave someone else lots of chocolate, and gave my sister money for some clothes. No-one I've done that for has ever asked for something back.

ChaoticintheNewYear · 21/01/2013 01:27

YANBU

They are being rude. Seeing as their alternative would have been to skip it it's obvious that they gave it to you outright.

I'd be tempted to charge them storage fees minus a small percentage for the times you've used it

flow4 · 21/01/2013 01:32

My grandma gave her daughter a Persian rug. A proper one, worth thousands. One day some years later, she asked for it back. They argued about whether it was given or lent. And they never spoke to each other again.

Not once, in all the forty-odd remaining years of my grandma's life.

A fucking rug.

My grandma and my aunt obviously believed their relationship was worth less than that rug. How little or much is your friendship worth, OP?

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cumfy · 21/01/2013 01:48

flow that's sad, maybe they both thought the other valued the relationship less than the rug ?

Thumbwitch · 21/01/2013 02:13

Just goes to show that you have to be careful when accepting "gifts" off people. If they had skipped it like they said they were going to, they wouldn't have got it back - so in reality they shouldn't expect to get it back off of you either.

However, I can see that it's not worth the hassle to you so yes, give it back to them, but in future neither take nor give them anything else - saves hassle.

I was lent and given a lot of stuff when DS was born 5y ago - I checked with each person what was a gift and what was a loan. Then when we moved abroad when DS1 was 20mo, I checked again - because I was taking the gifts with me for whenever we had another DC and wasn't going to bloody post them back! Luckily for me, no one was arsey about any of it - but one of the lenders did say I could buy the stuff off her and keep it. I checked prices on ebay and ended up giving her about £25 for all of it, which was bargainous.

Your friends are cheeky feckers, yes.

Softlysoftly · 21/01/2013 02:27

I don't think it's automatically rude to ask for something back. Had they called and said "I know we gave it to you but we are suddenly pregnant again and strapped for cash and I know you only use it infrequently, would you mind? " them I think that's fair enough.

In this case its the fact no only I were they going to skip it but you suspect it's being taken back and given to someone else that's very rude.

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