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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About suspicious contents of DP's pockets?

68 replies

ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:15

Years ago, before we had DC, DP and I occasionally took cocaine (I now know how stupid and reckless this was by the way). At one point DP developed a bit if a habit but kicked it before it became a full blown addiction. We both stopped and I haven't touched anything illegal since trying for DC.

Now and again when doing the washing, I will find little plastic bags with a residual white powder. Whenever I confronted DP about this he would say its from years ago. I couldn't prove it disprove this as it did tend to happen with his older clothes and I don't tend to keep track of which jeans he has been wearing etc.

I've just found another empty bag in a jumper I know had nothing in it as I remember washing it recently. He's saying its caffeine powder from the Internet. I don't know whether to believe him or not.

I will be livid if I find out he has been using drugs. We have DC now and he is constantly harping on at be to keep the food bill low, don't run the heating too long etc, as we don't have much money.

He is not showing any other signs of a drug habit and holds down his job with long hours.

AIBU to he very suspicious?

OP posts:
Arthurfowlersallotment · 20/01/2013 13:16

Ummm, I think you know your suspicions are justified. I'm sorry.

HollyBerryBush · 20/01/2013 13:17

We have DC now and he is constantly harping on at be to keep the food bill low, don't run the heating too long etc, as we don't have much money.

You know why you don't haved much money don't you? its going up his nose, thats why.

YorkshireDeb · 20/01/2013 13:18

Sounds suspicious to me too. Don't know where you go from here if he flatly denies it though. x

TennisFan42 · 20/01/2013 13:18

Suggest you go through all his clothes to check for any other "old" bags so yoou can throw them away. Use the reason that you wouldn't want your DC to accidentally find them. Then if you find any in future you will know they are new bags.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 20/01/2013 13:19

He's lying to you. Who buys caffiene powder off the internet?? What?? Ridiculous.

Also, can't you do like the cops on TV and dip your finger in and taste the powder?

Anyway... he's lying to you and I'm sorry that he's apparently having difficulties with drugs.

Onetwothreeoops · 20/01/2013 13:20

If he bought something off the Internet he would have a receipt for it, wouldn't he? Is he approachable enough to ask to see a receipt? Can he show you the transaction on his bank statement?

Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:20

That's my worry holly. We can only just about make ends meet right now as I'm a SAHM although I'm applying for jobs at the moment. I thought he had a point about cutting back but not so he can find a drug habit.

I don't know what to do now Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:21

Sorry, lots if xposts. He is out right now but said he will show me when he gets home.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:22

Sorry, meant to say 'show me where he bought it from'.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:23

There's not really enough there to 'taste' it I don't think, but even so, I don't know what caffeine powder tastes like so not really a good test.

OP posts:
wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 20/01/2013 13:23

Why don't you look for it on the computer.

Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:26

We have seperate laptops and his is password protected so I can't access it. He said he can prove he bought caffeine powder but I have been finding bags occasionally for a couple of years and he's never used this excuse. He's always just said its from years ago.

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 20/01/2013 13:27

Well, if it made your tongue sort of numb, it's not caffeine, is what I'm saying.

I'm sorry that my last post sounded sort of abrupt. I had a kid climbing on me.

I wish I could find a way to say this really gently: you're probably about to find out that your husband is using drugs and you're going to need a lot of support. It's a horrible position to be in and I am sorry. I've had friends in your position and it was horrible.

You're going to need to see really clear proof (including an online receipt in his email. He'll likely lie and say he deleted it, though. But, paypal or credit card will have the details.) Otherwise, you're going to need him to come clean about what he's been doing.

Pandemoniaa · 20/01/2013 13:28

Why does he buy caffeine powder? There may be a perfectly good reason, of course, but as someone who previously had a cocaine habit, it's not U of you to be deeply suspicious of little bags containing white paper.

Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:28

I don't know where to go from here. If he does have a drug problem and won't admit it then presumably it will only get worse.

Would you leave your DP/DH over something like this?

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 20/01/2013 13:29

You are right to be suspicious. What kind of idiot buys caffeine powder anyway?

HollaAtMeBaby · 20/01/2013 13:30

Can you taste it? Assuming you're not pg. Lick the bag - if it's coke, you'll know.

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2013 13:30

Please DON'T try it! It's not safe.
If he was buying something over the Internet then it would be delivered in some sort of container. Surely you would see delivery happen or see the box/container.

kinkyfuckery · 20/01/2013 13:31

I would probably leave, yes. It's not just the fact that he's taking illegal drugs, it's that he is bringing them into your home, and lying to you about it.

Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:31

Don't worry Katy, I didn't take your post the wrong way, was just saying there wasn't enough to test it. I had forgotten it numbs your mouth, that's how long it's been since I last did it.

He says he needs the caffeine to keep him awake as he starts work very early and has very long commutes sometimes. We're all sleep deprived with young DC in the house too.

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HollaAtMeBaby · 20/01/2013 13:31

and yes, definitely go through ALL his pockets now, before he gets back.

suburbophobe · 20/01/2013 13:32

I have been finding bags occasionally for a couple of years and he's never used this excuse. He's always just said its from years ago.

Well, I presume he doesn't have piles of dirty clothes lying around for years...?

(I always check pockets before chucking stuff in the washing machine).

So sorry you're going through this.

MrsTomHardy · 20/01/2013 13:32

Doesn't sound good, sorry!

Original poster
ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:33

He gets lots of parcels from eBay all the time. Often it's just crap he likes to buy himself, clothes etc. I did wonder why it would be in a little bag rather than large container. But then I don't know how much caffeine powder costs. I'll dig a little and try find out how it's generally sold.

OP posts:
acceptableinthe80s · 20/01/2013 13:35

Surely you can tell if he's high? especially since you used to take it as well. I have a friend who takes it regularly, she doesn't think she has a problem, I can tell if she's had a line over the phone! You probably know it's a very expensive habit, do you know where he's getting the money to buy it? There's a chance he's racking up debt you don't know about.
Time for a confrontation I'd say, I think the drug bags are evidence enough.