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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About suspicious contents of DP's pockets?

68 replies

ThreadWorms · 20/01/2013 13:15

Years ago, before we had DC, DP and I occasionally took cocaine (I now know how stupid and reckless this was by the way). At one point DP developed a bit if a habit but kicked it before it became a full blown addiction. We both stopped and I haven't touched anything illegal since trying for DC.

Now and again when doing the washing, I will find little plastic bags with a residual white powder. Whenever I confronted DP about this he would say its from years ago. I couldn't prove it disprove this as it did tend to happen with his older clothes and I don't tend to keep track of which jeans he has been wearing etc.

I've just found another empty bag in a jumper I know had nothing in it as I remember washing it recently. He's saying its caffeine powder from the Internet. I don't know whether to believe him or not.

I will be livid if I find out he has been using drugs. We have DC now and he is constantly harping on at be to keep the food bill low, don't run the heating too long etc, as we don't have much money.

He is not showing any other signs of a drug habit and holds down his job with long hours.

AIBU to he very suspicious?

OP posts:

allthegoodnamesweretaken · 20/01/2013 14:07

How do you think it would go if you asked him to do a test op?
according to FRANK, the tests are most effective within 12hrs of use but can sometimes show up to 3 days afterwards. Would be good to use it when you notice his eyes looking odd as you mentioned upthread.

MissMarplesMaid · 20/01/2013 14:14

My guess is that he has picked caffeine as being another powder which sounds a bit dodgy so that you will accept his rather weak story.

Really, you can buy caffeine powder in catering size packs. Even if he does provide a receipt from a hydroponics (or whatever) shop claiming its caffeine then either he is the most gullible drug user in Britain or he is in reality buying something quite different.

AlienReflux · 20/01/2013 14:23

As an ex addict (clean 7 years,go me!!) who kept it from my dp, I can tell you ' it's from ages ago' is the oldest line in the book.

if I was you I'd front him out, bollocks to ' I've learned learnt not to push him'

this is not years ago,you have kids together, and a right to know.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 20/01/2013 14:26

Snorting caffeine is just weird. You can buy tablets. You can buy tasty drinks full of it. I suppose the powder is used for people making weight-loss shakes or something. Maybe they cut drugs with it. But people who want to take straight caffeine normally just buy tablets at the store.

LoopsInHoops · 20/01/2013 14:34

Sorry OP, I think you know what it is :(

scripsi · 20/01/2013 14:35

Could I just point out that even if he can show you a receipt for caffeine powder, it doesn't mean that the little bag contains caffeine powder (or that the other found bags did). You have to find out yourself what the bag contains - either rubbing it on your gums/getting some kind of test done on the powder/springing a urine test on DH.

BalloonTwister · 20/01/2013 15:55

I'd be cheching the notes in his wallet - lay them flat and see if they curl up. If he's rolled one up to sniff the coke through it will curl up again slightly.

I used to run night clubs and the doorstaff used to do this if they suspected someone of taking coke in the club

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/01/2013 16:05

Caffeine powder is usually labelled like this

Bunbaker · 20/01/2013 16:05

You could always walk into a police station with one of the empty bags and ask them to test it. I don't know whether that is asking for trouble or whether it will give your partner a wake up call.

I'm sorry but everything you have written about your partner is bringing up red flags for me. There is obviously no trust at all in the relationship let alone the drugs issue.

I also don't buy the story that he has too many clothes for you check all the pockets.

StuntGirl · 20/01/2013 16:19

I'm sorry OP it sounds very suspicious to me too.

If they are from ages ago then he needs to go through every pocket in every item of clothing tonight and throw away any 'old ones' he finds. What if your children came across them?

If your money is so tight that you need to keep such a close eye on food and heating bills then buying off ebay needs to stop now.

If your finances are so tight you both need to be very transparent with your accounts and budget together. No more being secretive.

If he is so exhausted that he is using drugs - legal or otherwise - to get through his day then you need to look at your family situation together and see where you can make changes to help.

I'm sorry OP, and I hope you can both get through this.

andtheycalleditbunnylove · 20/01/2013 16:21

you know what he's doing. what are you going to do about it?

HecateWhoopass · 20/01/2013 16:34

Why don't you tell him that you've taken the 'caffeine' powder bag to the police so they can test the residue to make sure that it's safe, because you're concerned about him buying it off the internet, since you've heard horror stories about the sort of thing people end up getting.

See just how much he shits himself.

Bunbaker · 20/01/2013 16:36

"Why don't you tell him that you've taken the 'caffeine' powder bag to the police so they can test the residue to make sure that it's safe, because you're concerned about him buying it off the internet, since you've heard horror stories about the sort of thing people end up getting."

Evil

HecateWhoopass · 20/01/2013 16:36

Oh, and btw - if you believe that these are old bags or that that is caffeine powder... I have a bridge to sell you!

FergusSingsTheBlues · 20/01/2013 16:41

Of course he's on the gak.

And, btw, that excuse about being old packets is EXACTLY the excuse I use when dh comes across yet another empty marlboro light ten deck.

AlienReflux · 21/01/2013 11:12

Hows it going OP? have you said anything to him?

FobblyWoof · 21/01/2013 11:37

I agree with bunbaker

I'd take it to a police station. I'm sure they'd be willing to test it. If it is caffeine then DH doesn't need to know that you had it tested and if it is cocaine then he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Drugs are a massive, massive deal breaker for me, never mind the lying, the money and the danger of leaving packets within reach of children.

MrsMelons · 21/01/2013 11:52

I'd be fairly suspicious given the fact you have found similar bags before. I have never seen caffeine powder in an unmarked bag. They mainly come in marked pouches (with all the warnings on as it can pretty dangerous if not taken correctly).

If he is genuinely buying caffeine powder from someone a bit dodgy as its in a normal plastic bag then I would be massively worried about this.

I work within a mental health residential unit and we have a huge problem with 'legal' highs currently. They are purchased from a normal shop but some patients have actually tested positive for amphetimines so some products are not all them seem!

The lying would be a deal breaker for me, let alone putting my DCs at risk. Even if it was caffeine powder - this could kill them!

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