Friend wants dinner and housework before I can have newborn cuddles...

[Sal77]

My close friend has recently had a baby. I went round to see her after she'd got out of hospital with a lasagne I'd cooked for them for dinner. When I arrived I was given a piece of paper with a list of chores and told to choose one (I did some hoovering whilst she sat on the sofa with the baby, her DH was at the gym she said). It was a little awkward. Only after that could I have a look/cuddle of the baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having a newborn baby is hard work and I'm happy to help out (I also bought the bump Christmas presents, birthday presents and arranged the baby shower before baby was born). I didn't mind cooking her and her DH dinner, but I feel as though being asked to do housework on arrival was a bit rude given I'd already done dinner...

My friend did mention before the baby arrived about her idea to only allow guests over if they bring dinner and do chores but I didn't think she was that serious about it... And of course I don't mind helping out with babysitting and cooking dinners... But I did think it very rude to ask me to hoover too...

AIBU?

I think it's quite funny! Cheeky, a bit rude, but funny.

I found it really stressful entertaining/feeding endless visitors after I had a baby and the visitors left no time for me to eat, sleep or clean. Perhaps she is trying to put people off visiting? Or fed up of running round while people hog her baby?

Delicious Biscuit - I also had a PPH and several transfusions after DS1 following my first EMCS. Was back at work (13yrs ago) full time when he was 4 weeks old - luckily he was out of scbu by then. I agree that you should delegate - if you want a brew, make it yourself. I have never had much support post birth and nor do I expect it. I have always had to just get on with it and I have enjoyed that as it's given me some sense of normality

Awful. Really crap. What getorf said basically.

I had a fairly good delivery just over two weeks ago, I'm a single parent, I have two older kids as well as a newborn.

I could not get out of bed in the few days after he was born, thank God for my parents who came over each day to help, basic stuff, feeding the children and pets.

I felt dreadful needing anyone's help - but I literally couldn't get up for more than a few minutes. I was really poorly.

Mum got ill when ds was 4 days old and couldn't come to help any more, Dad had to go to work. I got up and I took the kids to school and it was scary but I coped. I started to get better, and now, I am Ok, even if I get zero sleep most nights. I would not DREAM of asking visitors to help with the housework.

I have been avoiding having visitors, anyway, though no one has tried to visit thankfully - I cope better alone, psychologically and I feel overwhelmed by the attention ds gets at school every day. So in that respect if she is struggling she should just say don't come over.

But I think she's just taking the mickey.

I'd have hoovered her head too. Ridiculous.
Having a newborn does not entitle her to become a rude cow.

As someone who has a baby, bringing around dinner is a lovely thing to do and we really appreciated it in the early days.

However I would never tell someone to do my housework for me, that's just rude. If you offer, then great but to make someone do it is taking the pee.

She will look back in a months and be mortified at how she behaved.

Extremely rude to be handed a list of chores. Her oh should get his arse out of te Gym and help with them. You cooked her a nice meal, I would be really taken aback

YANBU, for being put out-she should have made it clear before you came that way you could have chosen whether to go or not and not been surprised when you went. I wonder if she would accept the same with other new parents. Just saying about 'an idea' isn't letting people know because lots of people joke about doing this.

She is BU for insisting especially when you brought food If people just use her to see the baby, expect feeding and looking after when they come then the answer is: don't ask them again and/or don't feed/look after them, just do yourself. Seems like she's using the baby as a reason to get her housework done rather then anything else, as I said i wonder if she'll be happy to have the same in return?

There's a big difference between making it clear you won't pander to guests when you've got a new baby and asking for help/hinting for it and demanding it as payment for seeing the baby.

That's hilarious! And really rude! If my very best friend had visited after I'd had a baby and I desperately needed something doing I would have asked but to present a list to all visitors and tell them to pick something is unbelievable!

How hilariously rude. Is she mentally ill ?

And lol at h at gym

I think it would be wonderful if visitors always asked what chores they could do to help.

But I am utterly appalled that the woman had a list for you!

As for the cuddles: I wouldn't take it for granted that I'd get to cuddle a newborn baby. Some people can be very funny about that sort of thing. Especially during flu season and in the midst of post-natal hormones. But, that's neither here nor there... she DID let you see the baby after you did chores.

This woman sounds clueless, tactless, and stupid.

Hilarious!

If her dh has enough energy to go to the gym, he has enough energy to hoover!

Yes it is advice fen given on here, but being a new mum des not mean your entitled to be rude and have free servants. Yes she is going to,come down with a bump once the novelty has worn off and people don't visit as often

I'm imagining emptying the Hoover bag out over the floor before leaving, saying that the baby wasn't that impressive

WHAT really I would have walked back out the door taking my lasangne with me!

I'm so shocked. I have two wonderful friends who delivered dinners after babies arrivals - several times, not just once but I'd have been mortified to let them do any housework!!

Your friend has given me the best idea - I'm going to ask my in laws to do this when visiting (do you want to scrub the loo of change the cat litter tray?) in the hope they'll visit a lot less!

This cannot be real! I'm afraid I would have had to have a little chat about not turning into a twat just because she has a new baby...

Not at all unreasonable to politely ask for help if you've got a newborn but presenting a list is so rude imo, and the 'ransom' of getting to cuddle the baby is even worse - did she have a scale of time you can cuddle compared to number of jobs done???

Saying that tho, Pickled - I love hoovering (the only house job I like tho, not a complete weirdo) and love cuddling babies, would jump at your offer

As an asides...I like to look at other people's newborns, but I'm not at all arsed about cuddling them. I feel all awkward with someone else's baby tbh.

Did she have multiples? I think triplets might entitle you to hand over a list of chores.

Oh she's a dick - there's no other words. Yip, I've minded other kids, made dinner, picked up shopping, run interference with other peoples Mums/Mils etc for friends that have had babies. But to be presented with a menu of chores, well shall I use the word? entitled, entitled, entitled.

I'd have kept the lasagne too.

Can see I've been going wrong all these years thinking you can't blackmail guests - am going to put a sign on the door detailing how much housework is needed before I'll dole out tea and/or cake. I'll be baking for far longer but never have to wash up again!