To find dirty talk during sex hilarious?!

[Primadonnagirl]

Without giving TMI last night me and DH were having some fun.. Dh is a lovely sweet gentle mannered bloke but halfway through clearly wanted to spice things up a bit ..much wine had been consumed etc.. But he starte talking dirty and it sounded so fake it was all I could do not to laugh out loud...it completely put me off and didn't have the desired effect... He was really pleased with himself and I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't sexy but hilarious..advice please?!

Well what advice do you want? Ho to tell him not to do it? Or how to tell him HOW to do it?

Oh bless him :)

If done badly it's the cringiest thing ever!

YANBU

Oh dear. I quite like it but it all depends what is said. I have had some things said to me that have been downright hilarious too. Would it be too disrespectful to your dh toask you what he said so we can judge what you should do next? Would any sort of dirty talk be ok if he said the "right" words or is the whole thing a no no for you?

Oooh yes......

transcript please

Ok here goes but please don't judge him.... It was " I'm so glad you're a dirty bitch!" ... Had to disguise my guffaw as a moan of pleasure ...

I once, years ago, had a one night stand with a man who half way though shouted "take it, Bitch!"
I couldn't get up off the kitchen floor fast enough.

Oh that doesn't sound so bad

But guess tone, context and his normal character would make a lot of difference

YABU. The correct response should have been 'give it to me harder fuckpig' or something like that

Damn! Never have the right words at the right moment!

akiss

With some previous boyfriends it was fine but with DH every time (thankfully rarely ) I have to stifle fits of giggles. It just doesn't suit him and he sounds very awkward, not natural at all.

It might have been ok without the "I'm so glad" part. It's kind of like saying "How very pleasant that you're a filthy whore."

Or "Gosh it's pleasing when you act like a slag."

"I do declare that you are the very epitome of filth. Which is most gratifying"

"We always have such a spiffing time when you debase yourself so, my dear. Please do continue with your ministrations. I am enjoying them greatly"

Exactly!what was I supposed to say in response .... ?! Ooh thanks for letting me be such a dirty bitch sir...

Its either cringy or offensive. Give me the strong silent type every time

You should have said

"Yeah you like it don't you. You like it when I'm a dirty little bitch .......I'm so dirty I've spent all day thinking about your big, hard........"

Something along those lines anyway

I know what you mean.

I think done well in the early stages of a relationship talking dirty can be great.

After umpteen years together when you know each other really well and are more used to discussing childcare and food shopping...not so much!

I just find sex hilarious full stop. I mean, it really is the most ridiculous activity - all the time we're doing it, I can't stop thinking how silly we must look. I love kissing and cuddling, but I find sex itself about as sexy as toothpaste.

Oh dear Anonymumous. Have you always felt that way?

I find sex hilarious too but in a good way DP and I regularly descend into giggles. Wouldn't have it any other way

Yes, I have always felt this way. I just don't get it! It's a bizarre thing to do, but if you want kids then you're stuck with doing it. If you don't want kids, why would you bother?!

I remember asking my Mum that question when I was 14. 25 years later and I still don't have an answer!

We do frequently collapse into giggles when we try to do it. Last time DH was sent into hysterics at the crucial moment because of the look on my face. He also has a tendency to get hiccups at the crucial moment (which is always amusing from my point of view). If I wanted to be amused, though, I would much prefer to watch Horrible Histories for the umpteenth time instead.

Oh, whatever, I do try - for his sake. But I'm just no good at it. The whole thing is just too weird!

I once asked a boyfriend to talk dirty to me - he came over all heavy breathing and passionate groaning, saying "Blocked drains...compost heaps...my football socks"
A man that makes you laugh is much sexier than dirty talk imo.

anonymumous go get yourself a sex manual, you may find it helpful!